Rabbit Review: Hagu’s Hardboiled Wonderland

Name: Hagumi Hanamoto
Series: Honey & Clover
Sculptor: Kobayashi Shin (Long Long)
Maker: Alter
Figure Type: 1/8 scale PVC
First Release: June 2007
Purchase Price: $60
Purchased From: HLJ

The grass is wet. Green. Unspoiled. This isn't a place for man but here he is, arm's length away from a girl. A fresh one; she's no duchess, that's for sure. A toadstool like an adolescent's phallus, complete with a drip of tiny bird on top. Makes him a bit sick, thinking about what might just happen next.

It was a week back and all he had was the drink. He was hungry. Course he was, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the job. Must be how old folks feel once the world stops giving a shit about them. Phone rang. He listened. Shouldn't have. But he did.

"You're a detective?" The kid was young. Didn't like him. "Hattie's Diner. We'll talk there."

Hattie's is a bad place in a bad area. You don't go there to eat. You go there to talk. And the talk is always bad.





The kid was already there. Outside, waiting.

"You're fucking late. You're a detective? You look like you just got off your ma's teats."

"Likewise."

"Fuck you. Here's the photos."

"Coffee."

"Fuck you. We're talking out here. You think you're hot shit? That why you don't got any work? I'd tell you to sell your ass but you look like you've already been 'round the block."

He looked through. Another girl. "Who's paying?"

"Fuck you, that's who."

"The Colonel."

"Heh, guess you're smarter than you look. Now, just find the girl."

"No." He walked away.

"Double the usual." said the kid. He stopped.





Wouldn't be hard to find her. Just another one of the Colonel's girls. That's what he thought. He was wrong. She was different. No one seen her. No one knew her. Word said she was some sort of artist. Never did understand art. So he talked to someone who did.

"Dame like that? Ain't city. Check those eyes. Doesn't seem the type to fuck and go. This for a case, right?"

He drove out 30 miles, out to Coen's Crossing. Never been there in the spring.





The girl hasn't noticed him yet. She's got a leaf for an umbrella. It's not raining yet.

"Excuse me." She turns. Photos can't do reality justice. "The Colonel wants you back."

There's no change in expression. Maybe a tilt of her head, like a kitten. "You don't know him?"

The bird hops around. Still not agitated. He wondered how he should tell the kid he lost her, that he wouldn't work for the Colonel ever again when a child with rabbit ears clubbed him in the back.

"Ohoho! Is the flamingo not an excellent blunt instrument? Of course it is. But as a leaf sounds like sheath, mayhaps it feels the same as well? My dear, I applaud your choice in arms! But that is a lie; how can I applaud when my hands are filled with pink? And you cannot applaud yourself, not with those precious hands grasped together like that! I daresay a filthy mind would translate your actions into something more unsavory but then again, I dare not. Then let our feathered friend sitting there applaud for us! But how can he applaud; he has no hands! Stamping of his feet then, which we could do ourselves, making his presence completely unnecessary unless one is an aesthete; after all, we are artists, are we not? Surely we are! Do we not have flowers in our hair? And flour is nourishment; that is why people should eat cake. Ah, cake, filler of bellies...but not the soul. No, only the artist can provide such enrichment! Sadly, the artist is never rich; the rich are never artists. Money makes one safe from harm/No need for suffering and sadness/Makes one stay on the farm/Because banality is happiness! But that's not correct either! Have you watched Gossip Girl? Always affluent angsty Anglos! And I have no doubt about thy own bitter and beautiful world; or have thou not sunk thy teeth into such meate? Ha! Bewitching angel, come take a journey with Yours Truly, and we shall slake our intellectual lusts! Off into the Rabbit Hole we go!"











He rises out of the blackness and calls the kid.

"And?"

"She's in wonderland."

And he hangs up.



And here, have an ACTUAL review of hot-stuff Hagu!

Author:
funny_bunny dressed up like Philip Marlowe and the March Hare during the writing of this post. Will dress up like Deidara next when he creates a 2D-sprite-based Naruto x Wuthering Heights shoot-em-up.

Photographer:
Aerith's Bitch burnt an effigy of funny_bunny for making unwholesome comments about Hagu. Thanks super rats for tutorials that have enhanced his life in over a thousand ways.

Rabbit Roundtable: What about WALL-E?

Verdict: What-a-pile-of-rubbish-only-white-people-could-think-of-fuck-them-all.

prettyprophet: Hoho, just fucking around. We're not THAT much of snobs. Well, I'm not.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm downloading WALL-E WALLPAPERS right THIS VERY MOMENT.

funny_bunny: Send when done!

prettyprophet: If you haven't guessed, WALL-E pretty much charmed the pants off everyone. But I think that's because we all saw it in Trojan's theater of a basement with a new plasma TV, Blu-ray, and surround sound.

Killer Ink: And people were drunk.

prettyprophet: Yes they fucking were. It wasn't piss-drunk or anything, it was a good time.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I was drunk. And it was a very good time.

funny_bunny: I wasn't drunk. And it was an EVEN GOODER TIME.

prettyprophet: You've never been drunk. You're just...something.

funny_bunny: I touched nde's inner thigh.

prettyprophet: So yeah, Trojan comes up to us all excited and he's like, "WALL-E. Blu-ray. New TV. Check it." We're all, "Oh, plasma, sweet. And WALL-E you say? I haven't seen it yet!" And Funbuns just gets all wide-eyed and he goes, "Can I use your Blu-ray burner?"

funny_bunny: I want to MAXIMIZE THE POWER OF THE PS3.

Killer Ink: The only reason why 'Blu-ray' is amazing to Funny is because no one has a Blu-ray burner yet. But now Whopper has one. He got WALL-E for Trojan.

prettyprophet: Wasn't for free though. Then again, Trojan insisted on paying Whopper so what the hell.

funny_bunny: Now FUNNY will look terrible if he does not pay for goods and services!

Killer Ink: You never pay anyways.

funny_bunny: I paid for everyone's lunch once!

prettyprophet: Yeah, you paid for everyone when everyone was just you and nde. If another one of us were there, THEN it'd count as everyone.

funny_bunny: I stand by my statement.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I sit on your face.

funny_bunny: Fufufufu.

prettyprophet: Anyways, since this is like, the only movie EVERYONE fucking watched together, thoughts?

Kawaii Pattycakes: Sugoi!

Killer Ink: Entertaining.

funny_bunny: SUBLIME.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I'll say it's magic too. nde, talk.

nde: It was good.

prettyprophet: I know Lavie liked it...and Ed, he fucking loved it.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Uh huh, he's got the OST in his car!

prettyprophet: Course, since he's a dick, first thing he says once the credits hit: "OH MY GOD, FUCK PETER GABRIEL THAT FAGGOT."

Killer Ink: He was more vocal on the environmentalist issue, however.

prettyprophet: Oh yeah, after when we're all just chillaxing, all Ed would talk about was "how fucking shit the movie was and it was all just bullshit fear-mongering by douche-sniffing liberals". But we all know he jerks it to EVE.

Kawaii Pattycakes: He has it on BLU-RAY TOO NOW.

funny_bunny: Wait wait wait wait, Ed has burner now??

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dunno!

prettyprophet: Ok, more thoughts. Um, fuck Nick and Nora, THIS is the shit.

funny_bunny: Fuck Slumdogs!

prettyprophet: Yeah Lavie, chew on that. Slumdogs GOT NOTHIN'. Let the Right One In? INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE BIN.

Killer Ink: This is what happens whenever other Rabbits aren't around.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We sneeze lots!

prettyprophet: Thanks to Ed and me. We talk so much shit. Ok, Ed talks shit, I just talk anecdotes. And Funbuns talks lies. And Pat talks sexual fantasy pairings.

funny_bunny: So what's everyone's fav part? NO SPOILERS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dancing!

Killer Ink: Also sprach Zarathustra.

nde: Love.

prettyprophet: Thomas fucking Newman. And 'Wanted' signs.

And Lavie says hers is M-O and WALL-E's handshake. Ed's is the trapped robot in space. And I'm not gonna do the rest of the Rabbits because fuck the rest of you.

funny_bunny: EVERYTHING. Especially SLO-MO.

prettyprophet: Explosions are cool.

funny_bunny: EVE is so beautiful.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm writing WALL-E fic now!

funny_bunny: SEND THE WALL-E WALLIES.

prettyprophet: Ugh. Hey, is it just me listening to oldies hardcore now? Fucking Fallout.

Killer Ink: It's nostalgia affecting your sensibilities.

prettyprophet: Definitely, since I lived through the 40s in America, listening to The Ink Spots and breaking down racial barriers. Fuck you.

funny_bunny: Psssssssssst guys, prophet's growing a small penis and dying her hair red and being a SADIST.

prettyprophet: Hey, someone's gotta be the Ed when Ed's not around.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, I just bought it on BLU-RAY.

Killer Ink: Weren't you going to have Whopper get you a copy?

funny_bunny: TWO DISCS! And I got GOTH'S CAGE while at it!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Oh, maybe I'll do that too! No wait, I WILL!

prettyprophet: Stop, just stop fucking spending money. Actually no, Pat, you stop, funny you keep spending. And give me WALL-E after.

Killer Ink: Blu-ray, prophet.

prettyprophet: Son of a buddha. Alright, time to snag a PS3. nde, get a card, I'm maxed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: YASUSHI SUZUKI!

funny_bunny: Let's get sushi!

Killer Ink: We've drifted.

prettyprophet: Word, anyways, WALL-E. Watch that shit because it is fantastic and heart-warming. We think it may even have caused romantic stirrings between nde and Lavie. So, as the PR Rabbit, I ORDER YOU TO WATCH.

funny_bunny: I WANT TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE.

prettyprophet: Whoa, simmer down, Heath.

RABBIT REVEAL: Hainan Cholera Outbreak Is Cover Story For Massive Zombie Infection

"Today, students who were off campus could not enter even with their students passes. The guards told them to take a three-day vacation. The off-campus students said that it was not sure whether things were serious inside the campus or it was even more unsafe outside.

I did not think about going down to the cafeteria at all. Perhaps I was scared off by what I saw when I walked past the cafeterias after class. There were crowds out the entrance and the university workers were yelling: "Do not enter. Please do not push. It is already full inside. Even if you get in, you won't get any food." There were many students dressed in camouflage uniforms trying to maintain order. They chased waves and waves of students back out. Even the temporary stands outside the cafeteria for instant noodles were mobbed. There was a notice which said that the cafeteria which re-opened yesterday is closed today because of water stoppage. The workers watched the people from the second floor. As I walked past this cafeteria, I heard a male student yell from the second floor: "I want to eat food, I want to drink water."

When I got back to the dormitory, there were more notices downstairs. Two notices were new: water was stopped and the Internet will be down tomorrow. Everybody howled in collective agony again. I don't think cholera is scary. But the lack of supply of the various essential things in daily life is the true terror.

I just learned that the water has been turned back on. I can make noodles."

Breaking news: China is now ground zero for an outbreak of panic, rape, looting, and delicious brain-eating.

This is Dionysos J. Juju, reporting live from Shanghai. I've been assigned here to cover Mr. Obama's effects on the heathen Chinee populace but I think I speak for all of us when I say: FUCK THAT!!!!!!

ZOMBIES. THERE ARE ZOMBIES POURING INTO CHINA'S BEAUTIFUL CAPITAL OF FASHION AND BOUTIQUES AND BEIJING IS SOOOOOOO CLOSET-HOMO.

Oh, Patti Fujifilm, I'm told you are at the scene of the madness. How's things over there? Thumbs up?

Patti: Sorry J. Juju but I'm afraid my connection might get cut off any second now because the officials have sealed off the entire sector so my sentences are going to go all run-on and splot! I am watching some G-men in really sinister-looking suits take away an old man...I think he's a professor. Or maybe a dissident! COULD ALL THIS BE A RUSE FOR PURGES!!?!?!? Cameraman Edward Woodcock, what do you think?

Woodcock: Obama is going to JIHAD the rice out China now. Nuclear zombie APOCALYPSE. Got rice bitch? Not anymore.

Patti: Oh my god, now they're resorting to cannibalism! AHHHHHHHH HORRIBLE PIERCING SHIERKS!!! RED RAIN RED RAIN!!!! WE'RE CURSED, DOOMED!! MUST KILL, SHARE SUFFERING.

Woodcock: Yo, fucking white people mucking up in my Siren.

Patti: Chea! Little Japanese girls ftw. Back to you, Juju!

Juju: There you have it, astonishing reports from our intrepid Patti Fujifilm. I can only pray that the world hears of this; let not the great Firewall of China filter our truth! ZOMBIES ARE COMING. ZOMBIES ARE COMING. BOARD UP YOUR WINDOWS! GATHER CANNED FOOD! STOCK UP ON AMMO! GET SOME TYPEWRITERS!!!!!!

And now some words from our sponsors!

pinkoprophet: So I was doing a term essay that's due tomorrow when I get this message from Funny: "CHINA! ZOMBIES! COVER UPS! SARS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Less than ten seconds later, nde's like, "Funny just sent this: 'LEFT 4 DEAD IN REAL LIFE, WORLD WAR Z BEGINS!!!!'

Then, this from Lavie: "Is it just me or has Funny gone on a zombie binge: 'Lavie, I thought about this for a long time and I didn't know how to tell you in person.........so here it is. THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC HAS A ZOMBIE PANDEMIC ON THEIR HANDS.'

As you can see, that coconut has been sending this around very rapidly. I kinda do hope there's zombies though. That way the march of the volunteers can do a little twist into an easy-going, flesh-eating shuffle. Why not? Anyone who believes all that shit's already dead to the world.

Oh yeah, Siren: Blood Curse. It's actually a metaphor for how Obamamania causes the utter collapse of the Western Sphere, allowing Hugo Chavez to fill Europe and North America with true left-wing ideals, creating total bliss and allowing movies like Twilight to prosper. Now that's future worth fighting for!

*Since we've made multiple references to politics, social struggles, and zombies, clearly this is a serious blog. Hey, we WERE the ones to bring you this doozy.

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Bonus #001

"...and God help you if you use voice-over in your work, my friends. God help you. That's flaccid, sloppy writing. Any idiot can write a voice-over narration to explain the thoughts of a character."

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Bonus Issue #001 - Learn Not to Burn

Kawaii Pattycakes: I like to say sugoi. And this is the most sugoi of all.

prettyprophet: Some people, should they discover that their friends are drawing rape fantasies featuring said people, would freak out and run the hell away. Needless to say, I'm not one of those people.

funny_bunny: I would hope not. We couldn't BEAR to be without you!

prettyprophet: Remember how we said 'no more doujinshi'? We were lying. Well, Funny was lying.

Kawaii Pattycakes: A little secret FUNNY thing for Happo Bijin's Sweet Body!

funny_bunny: So funny, it's MONEY.

prettyprophet: If you haven't clicked the comic yet, please do. Please fucking do. Got it? Yeah. Ed finally got Funny to do porn. I know, I know, Funny's did this before. This is nothing new. But drawing his friends, although copied from hentai artists, and slipping it into releases? Yeah, that's Funny for you.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Aren't you flattered? I like Pyro Jack's breasts more than your breasts.

prettyprophet: Thanks, slut. Anyways, since it was me who 'starred' in this shit, I'm explaining it, fuck off Funny.

Panel One

For those not in the know: the Incubus is Ed, Baphomet is Ink, Nyx is Lavie, and Pyro's me. Even though this is ostensibly Megaten, I emphasize the fact that pretty much everything is taken from random bits of our lives. Yes, World Tree Madness, blah blah blah, but we ditched it for Usagiten.

So this conversation really did happen. If you know Ed, this shouldn't surprise you one bit. Funny copied off Nekoi Mie for Pyro's face, mainly because of our wonderful discussion on relations between Nekoi and Chika Umino. PS: Umino's not Nekoi, so Pat, shut it.

Panel Two

This probably came from one of our talks on what was under the Pyro Jack's cloak. Funny's in love with Mechafetus and remembered that Pyro girl. Don't ask me how that turned into him copying off the hentai circle Zettai Shoujo. Pat loves Raita, the artist. And before you go, "Oh Pat's a girl, what is she, a lesbo dyke??"...this is the girl who INSISTED funbuns to do Sweet Body. You know what she also insists? Fucking yaoi by the bish-load. Look, Pat and Ed, they know their obscure asian shit, even more than me.

Panel Three

Oh Nekoi, you're a darling. Yes, this came from a Nekoi Mie doujinshi, I forget which one. Funny forgets which one. And Pat is completely in her Melty Blood zone so I can't get her attention. Oh, the moment I start talking about doujinshi she snaps out of it. Here we go: Digital Love. Hey, I recognize this. I think funny was going to use it for the Umino Rabbit Reveal...but we chose the FLCL instead because...it's fucking FLCL porn.

Also, 'boss'. I'm not even bothering to explain that.

Panel Four

In reality, I never did hear Ed talk about wanting to rape me. What happened was me and Pat (not me and Lavie) walked up to them and Funny, who was there, just points at Ed and goes, "ED WANTS TO RAPE YOU". And Ed? He's all, "Tadow bitch. Whacha gonna do?" And that was essentially that.

No, the entire issue wasn't really about Ed's rape fantasies although I bet funny had a kick drawing them. Everything is about the punchline from Lavie: "Rape. It isn't funny." Ok, here I go with a long-ass explanation for all you kids out there.

It was me, Pat, Ed, and Funny. We were sitting around before class started, I don't know why Ed was there because he wasn't in the class, whatever. So Ed and Pat are arguing because apparently Pat tried to rape Ed by lacing his drink the other night. Pat, in a moment of bizarre rationalism, counters with the fact that Ed hit her up with absinthe "just to see what she'd do". I'm not joking, that's all he wanted to know; I was there and I brought her to my house. Anyways, so we were sitting there, talking about whether or not Ed raping Pat would actually be rape, considering that a) she enjoys it b) Ed's her boyfriend c) she's as equally likely to try some sort of fucked up sexual shit with him. Light topic, lots of laughs.

Class ends. We all get ready to leave. Out of NOWHERE, this one guy with loads of sweat on his forehead who we've seen once or twice in the class, just stops in front of us and says, "Rape. It's not funny."

Now if it was just me, Pat and Funny, we would've been like "Wtf yo, get out." Funny would've definitely cracked up. No, it wasn't just us.

Ed just freezes and stares right into the guy's eyes, gives his trademark sneer, and says: "Bitch, it's hilarious."

So that was the first and last time that one guy ever talked to us. Probably because we constantly repeat that phrase everyday now. Whenever someone mentions rape? "Shut the fuck up. Rape? Not funny!" In a way, it's kinda scary because if there was ever a "shit's about to go down" moment in a fucking linguistics class...that would be it. Plus if that kid goes off the deep end, we'd be on his hit list.

And now you all know the story behind that line.

funny_bunny: Wow, I really liked that story! Especially because I was in it!

Kawaii Pattycakes: I miss that guy. He once wore a Castlevania tee!

prettyprophet: Oh, you mean like Nate's Castlevania tee? Fucking gross.

Kawaii Pattycakes: That's exactly it!

prettyprophet: Ok, I don't know where we're going with this anymore. Um, Ed got Funny into a rape fantasy which was really just a medium so Funny could use the rape line. This was all Ed and Funny because I wouldn't have let that shit slide. Course, since Funbuns is chief, if he wants to draw his friends in sexual misadventures, he can. He can because I can't stop him. What I can do, is ridicule him mercilessly in later issues.

funny_bunny: Good gameplan!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Thumbs up! WHEN'S YAOI?

funny_bunny: NO MORE DOUJINSHI! OPERATION BIGTIME SHOWTIME BEGINS.

prettyprophet: It's a go-go.

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil - #0001

"The wind wakes unknown
Secrets to the surface
nani ka ga ima kawari sou de
shitsu kushi ta mono subete o tsunagi awase tara
tobira ga hirai ta (I-I-I see again!)"

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil COLOR Cover (designed by edthefucker)
Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil Issue #0001 - Reality is a Harsh Mistress

prettyprophet: Hey kids, come for your cake.

funny_bunny: It is filled with Vitamin M.

Kawaii Pattycakes: MEGATEN!!1

prettyprophet: Fuck, I'm falling asleep. Alright, cover is in color, courtesy of Ed. I'm not even going to explain that.

edthefucker: What, bitch, explain. It's billion times better than that gay shit you did for Etrian.

prettyprophet: We had a gajillion more references than yours. Elmer Fudd, hm? Elmer fuck off.

funny_bunny: Nothing is better than DARK HOUR.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Sorry Ed-o, P3 = rawk.

edthefucker: Shit on all of you. Get out. Get the fuck out.

funny_bunny: It's cold outside!

prettyprophet: It's cold inside. Funbuns, turn on the heat.

funny_bunny: NEVER.

prettyprophet: Since Ink and Lavie aren't here, and I don't feel like explaining, we leave everything to Chief Funbuns. Take it.

edthefucker: Take it like the bitch you are.

funny_bunny: Ooooo you talk so dirty.

Panel One

Pixie! SMT pentagram! Mass Destruction by SHOJI MEGURO! QUOTES FROM EPIC OF GILGAMESH!

Panel Two

MEGATEN NOCTURNE SUMMONING! Hey look, I have that shirt. Not as REVEALING THOUGH.

Panel Three

Kaneko art! Of the LATEST PIXIE. I love you too, Pixie, for you dia my soul! Look nde, grubby hands and FINGERNAILS. Nails must be long and pink and dainty like mine.

Panel Four

Hey, who drew my penis that long? I don't EVEN HAVE a penis, fufufu!

edthefucker: That was the worst fucking explanation I've ever heard. But this comic's a piece of shit anyways.

prettyprophet: Ignore ed, he happens to have too many beads up his ass. Anyways, there's your incoherent explanation by Funbuns. It's your usual style steal from Totan Kobako and Okota. The bishie pixie was...actually just drawn by funny freestyle. I guess the eyes are kinda Kaneko.

funny_bunny: Arms from LOVELESS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: OMG THAT HAS THE BEST ARTBOOK EVER.

prettyprophet: Better than Lily Hoshino's?

Kawaii Pattycakes: Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr they both make me SQUEE!!!!!

edthefucker: They make her wet too.

prettyprophet: I prefer Hoshino...but that's like saying I'd rather get shot in the head than pulled apart by bulls.

funny_bunny: Bull penis!

prettyprophet: Sammi Cheng's married, yo.

edthefucker: What a whore.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We NEED to watch Tea Fight. Erika Toda's in it! ERIKA TODA.

prettyprophet: We know. I was the one who told you. Shut up.

funny_bunny: NO MORE DOUJINSHI FOR LONG TIME!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Or should we say...DIFFERENT KINDS OF DOUJINSHI! FUFUFUFUFUFU!

prettyprophet: Let's just say we got something big and completely non-game related in the wings. And we need to do it fast.

edthefucker: You guys are going to fuck it up. Faggot funny.

funny_bunny: Don't worry! Thumbs up!

prettyprophet: So yeah, No More Comics 2: Desperate Struggle. 2010. Peace out.

Rabbit Roundtable: Eight Heart Paradise

Heart warming life simulation!

Ages ago, there was a game called Harvest Moon. It was on the SNES and it was hard as hell. Fast forward several years and we got Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, there were tons of other games in between...but we're playing this right now because no one likes playing Island of Happiness.

Chea, nde just bought it over the weekend...so naturally, I've been hogging it. I'm in summer now. They really need to add more save slots; I use only one, but nde likes to use two. Dawg, what happens if you've got a ton of housemates like ed?

Oh shit, I'm sorry, this isn't really much of a roundtable. Probably because we're all busy as hell now and don't have time for this. Instead, it's just going to be a wrap-up of the Tree of Tranquility love stories for everyone:

Lavie Rhap's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Gill or Toby
If replayed as male: Anissa

Lavie says: I finally bought a Wii thanks to nde when I expressed my desire to try out a console Harvest Moon. Sadly, we couldn't find Magical Melody or A Wonderful Life being sold for a reasonable price, so I bought Tree of Tranquility, rather than borrowing nde's copy after he and prophet were done. That was probably for the best, since the twins are very exhaustive in their game habits.

I named my character Victoria and finding a husband wasn't a priority for me until all the Rabbits demanded I start flirting. I have interest in Gill, but with his preferred gifts being gold and silver, I deemed him being too avaricious. Since Toby is a more relaxed character, he seems more suitable in the simple life of farming. But surely Gill has a degree of innocence; the Harvest Sprites chose him to aid the Goddess. I'll have to decide when I reach the Firefly Festival, as I'd rather not a repeat of seeing the Fireworks Festival alone.

Pat's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Jin (figures)
If replayed as male: None, it's all about Jin

Pat, through prophet, says: Fucking Pat. Always choosing the Asians.

ed's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Luna
If replayed as female: Julius

ed, through prophet, says: "I'm gonna break that bitch." That's ed for you. Sidenote: I don't think he's ever going to get past spring.

Funny's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Anissa
If replayed as female: Luke

funny says: I chose Anissa because she's one of the first you meet and her family's all warm and cozy to me and that's awesome. They have a farm too! So good family life. Also she is elfin.

prophet: Elfin?

funny: Like, her hair, her clothes...elfin! Not ears though.

prophet: It's mind-boggling, but you seem to actually have rational reasons for liking Anissa. How far-out.

nde's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Phoebe
If replayed as female: Jin

nde says: I haven't met Phoebe yet. I think I'll choose her.

prophet's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Probably Renee
If replayed as female: Dunno

prophet says: I seriously can't decide. Now, I started this as a guy, mainly because I was under impression if you go girl, you get fucked over at marriage and subsequent pregnancy, like literally. Have a kid, game ends, rah rah Japanese mindset, right? Well, apparently the game still goes on, even if you're a bird with chick. Thank the fucking Moon Rabbit for that. That's how it should be; think kids will stop a lady-farmer? Hell no. They raised those kids from dinks to doctors, all the while planting crops and shearing sheep. Course, I found out about the whole 'being a girl doesn't suck in this game' deal AFTER I finished a season. Like hell I'm starting over now when I could just have a daughter.

Now, on love. I'm thinking Renee but I've still got other options like Anissa and Selena. Anissa's the most blatant choice, given the whole family familiarity thing...which is why Funbuns chose her. Probably won't pick Anissa since he's already got that. Selena...I liked her little character story. Thought she was just an angsty runaway from a broken home? Nah, none of that shit here. Still, it was TOO little of a character story, plus Selena doesn't seem like the type to fit well in a farm environment. Bet she'll sleep around too (funny: Oh absolutely! Just look at that provocative dress and saucy temperament!).

So Renee. To me, she's like the Ellen of the first Harvest Moon. In fact, that's what she may as well be. Damn these Harvest Moon stock types. But she makes sense. Her family's the animal place and Ellen has a cute intro. Had more impact on me than the others. Oh god what the fuck am I saying?

Patty: Fufufufufu, now you're one of us!

funny: DARK SIDE.

prophet: Shut it.

Now Tree of Tranquility ain't perfect, obviously. Might seem like we're all going ga-ga over it but I got a lot of beef to fry. To start, we have some people we would just love to romance, but they're not on the list: Bo and Elli. Bo for Booberella and Elli for anyone who has a maid fetish (yeah, I know Maya kinda covers the maid thing with that waitress uniform, but that's still just a waitress uniform). Man, if only there was easy-to-use mod tools...

Speaking of mods, GLITCHES. nde and me, we've had no fuck-ups so far, but hilariously, whenever Booberella tries to play Lavie's, it stalls. It's like the game hates her or something, which is terrible, because now Booberella won't ever get to experience the latest-gen Harvest Moon. Anyways, Natsume = glitches, this isn't new, but what the hell we shouldn't be used to this.

Motion controls are shit in Tree of Tranquility? Don't know, none of us use that. Classic baby.

I personally wish we had an item organizer; maybe we do but fuck manuals. I'm pretty sure no one else reads them either, except Lavie. I probably should have, since I fucked up my first seed planting because I thought it was still 3x3 tiles instead of 1x6. Damn, that was lost profit.

Maybe it's just the Rabbits, but it seems barely any of us actually farm. nde mines, Funbuns fishes, Pat...I don't know. I have a preference for mining too, since I want to gold up all my tools. Lavie farms because she's a straight-laced cunt with no zest for life. Cooking food for townspeople in the kitchen, keeping the women rights movement down, that's what she's doing.

Ink is a cockbite motherfucker who won't play Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, he doesn't have a Wii but neither did Lavie and she got it like THAT. Fuck Ink.

Also, the Thousand Rabbits here have a tendency to destroy any sort of innocence or seriousness any game has. In Twilight Princess, all we could talk about was how Midna x Wolf Link porn (NSFW, surprise surprise) would implode the internet (PS: you can thank Pat for that link). Here, we've got ed and funbuns talking about the sex lives of all the adults (Elli as Hamilton's slave, Sue and Samson making up through rough sex), Pat dreaming of hard Pascal x Main Character action, and me trying to figure out what drove the developers to include Luna, who is pure lolipop. Oh wait, that just answered my question, didn't it?

Homies, if only we weren't waist-deep in manhua and doujinshi...we should do Harvest Moon.

funny edit: Ohohoho, should we now?

Anyways, the Rabbits are overall happy with Tree of Tranquility. Lavie and Funbuns love it, Pat loves it but she'll lose interest soon, probably when Eternal Sonata reenters orbit, ed and Ink don't care, while nde plays it regardless. Myself? Yeah, I like it. It's relaxing fun with more goal-oriented zen. It's no great leap forward over the other games in the series...but hey, would you really want it to be?

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil - GENESIS

"Call it what you will--
a revelation from God, or a curse of the Demon King.
The fact remains that our world came to an end."

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil Issue #0000 - April is the Cruellest Month

prettyprophet: Hey, guess why funny drew this. C'mon, shouldn't be hard.

funny_bunny: To sell to wealthy oilmen?

Killer Ink: To ignore papers.

prettyprophet: To piss me off.

nde: We all like Megaten.

prettyprophet: That we fucking do. Anyways, this was bound to happen sooner or later. Once funny saw me and nde in Jack Bros. costume...it broke him.

funny_bunny: Don't forget the SWEET BODY slapdash!

Killer Ink: Not many saw that.

prettyprophet: Yeah, no one goes to those posts for some reason, despite it having MAJOR NUDITY. Jeez, horndogs, here it is and you don't want it? Fine.

funny_bunny: Now the Thousand Rabbits present...USAGITEN!

nde: Rebirth of the Rabbit.

Killer Ink: Symphony for the Devil.

prettyprophet: And we know it's 'RESURRECTION'. We picked 'Rebirth' because it's got less syllables.

Killer Ink: Though if we were to stick with syllables, it should be 'Usaten'.

funny_bunny: USAGITEN. DON'T ARGUE WITH THE FUEHRER.

prettyprophet: Christ, I'm glad Pat ain't here. She'd be all up in arms over 'proper' Jap romanization. Fuck that.

funny_bunny: You know who I wish WAS here? ed. I could really use COD4.

prettyprophet: Oh, you goddamn brokeass. Alright, info time. Funbuns was drawing Megaten for no reason in class because that's the kind of idiot he is. Boom, next day he's all, "Let's do it. Let's do Megaten doujinshi." Look, I don't even care anymore that we have several open comic projects. Why? Funny's the artist. So unless Ink feels like taking up the tablet...which he is adamantly refusing right now...we'll just do whatever funny want's to do. Doesn't matter to me; it's really all the same material. In-jokes, geek jokes, random shit from funny, whatever. Slip in some social commentary and we're good.

"Symphony for the Devil" is a play off "Sympathy for the Devil" and the "April is the cruellest month" is from T.S. Eliot. Sidenote: Eliot was featured in Nocturne's initial hour by way of Hikawa explaining why April is the "cruellest month". Props to localization or actually from the original script? Who knows? Ink, take the panels.

Killer Ink:

Panel One

Funny did something different here, tracing Kaneko's Pixie (Kazuma Kaneko Works I version). Perhaps he got lazy. Or as he's saying, because he rarely traces and wanted to see what it'd be like. Chino Hills was chosen due to it having the lowest population of California. '199X' is a reference to Shin Megami Tensei's date.

Image taken from Be Your True Mind.

Panel Two

The wallpapers are from To Love-Ru and Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice. The figures between the monitors are from Kotobukiya's (funny: KOTOBUKKAKE) Megami Tensei Trading Figures Box Set #6. Shown (left to right) are Astaroth, Odin, Lakshmi, Pixie, Barong, and Thor. The mousepads with breasts as rests came from ed's collection. The Tetris keyboard was drawn on impulse. The improbable amount of wires was drawn because prophet says that wires represent technology.

Images from Anime Wallpapers.com.

Panel Three

Funny wanted to draw Network Terminals for no reason, even though SftD appears to be focused on a cross between the very original Megami Tensei and possibly Shin Megami Tensei (prophet: Yeah right, this shit is crisscrossing EVERYWHERE). There's a Pepsi Terminal, a Playboy Terminal, and a regular Network Terminal. The summoner was randomly generated through our visual dislikes; I dislike double-chins, funny dislikes neckbeards, nde dislikes grubby hands, ed dislikes fat people, prophet dislikes sweat, and Pat dislikes balding (funny: Lavie dislikes NOTHING in particular because she's too nice and if you're really shy and blushing, she might let you touch her boobies).

Panel Four

'Amala Network' is from Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne. Rice Crispies reference in the sound effects. The three demons displayed are (left to right) Baphomet, Nyx, and XXX. Models are myself, Lavie, and funny, respectively. funny does not wish for the XXX demon to be named yet, for some unknown reason. The shirt Demon XXX is wearing is a King of Games Kid Icarus tee. The game Demon XXX is playing is Persona 4. The lyrics are from the introduction song, "Pursuing My True Self".

Styles used for this, and overall, were from Totan Kobako's Sketchbook and Okota's Tsukihime/Fate Stay doujinshi.

prettyprophet: Wow, you are so fucking dry and boring. Ok, Ink, you're doing the panel explanations from now on.

Killer Ink: I don't feel like this is an honor.

prettyprophet: It's not. Anyways, we did the four panel deal this time because...fuck you, Pat. Four panels = more concise.

funny_bunny: Also, I've decided EVERYONE's demon!

Killer Ink: He spent hours doing so.

prettyprophet: Shit you not. And he's got papers due, unsurprisingly.

funny_bunny: YOU CAN'T JUST PICK ANY DEMON, THEY MUST BE CAREFULLY SCREENED TO PERFECTION.

prettyprophet: The sad thing is...funny really did put thought into this. Most of it, anyways.

funny_bunny: And now! FACE THE TRUE ENEMY!

prettyprophet: Atlus, WHERE'S MEGATEN PROPER?

Etrian Oddity, or the World Tree Madness in the West: #00003

"So you're the one aimlessly leading my Yorda around. Do you know who this girl is? That girl you're with is my one and only beloved daughter. Stop wasting your time with her. She lives in a different world than some boy with horns!"

Etrian Oddity Issue #00003 - BLAM!

prettyprophet: funny's playing Disgaea, nde's playing Spore, and Ink won't say anything. So it's basically just me talking with occasional remarks from funny. And maybe the other two kids if I can get something out of them. I don't even know why I'M the one writing about #3; it was entirely funny's idea.

funny_bunny: I love NIHEI.

prettyprophet: So yeah, at first he wanted to go all out and draw a few pages of stuff that would make Nihei proud...but we talked him out of it, since it'd take forever.

Panel One

Oh hey, reused from last time. This probably the last time you're going to see sustained continuity from chapter to chapter.

Note the hand. That was COPY AND PASTED from chapter 59 of BLAME! That chapter was pretty much used frame for frame here. But that hand...for some reason, funny didn't want to draw it out himself, so he just copy/pasted. Which leads us to the next frame...

Panel Two

He doesn't draw out the hand...but draws out the fucking face. And draws the hand. Jesus, you make no sense. That is chapter 59's featured safeguard, the 'Old Man'. Unsurprisingly, that mofo is also blown away by Killy's fucking monster of a gun.

Panel Three

I like Nihei's explosions. They're vast. Like atom bombs across the pages. Shit, I still haven't read the BLAME!2 thing. funny's saying something but I'm ignoring him.

Panel Four

Originally Harvest was supposed to be all like, "TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU STUPID FUCK" but since we only had five panels to work with, stuff had to get cut. Plus we wanted to keep things totally non-talky throughout.

Panel Five

Yeah, a little fountain is positioned directly where Snowflake falls. I think funny was going to do a pool at first, then wanted a fountain because...fountains are pretty. So he says right now. Anyways, sorry about compressing so much action into five small panels but BLAME! funny for it. Blame him for anything.

Hey, Ink, who was your favorite safeguard?

Killer Ink: I didn't read much of BLAME!

prettyprophet: You read something. Name one.

Killer Ink: Sanakan.

prettyprophet: See? You read enough. nde, what about you?

nde: Only safeguards?

prettyprophet: We'll do silicon creatures another day.

nde: Level 9.

prettyprophet: Sexy. I'm going Sanakan myself. Dhomo's hot and everything, but fuck that, Sanakan's gun is BAM. I guess there's Killy himself, but he doesn't count as safeguard.

funny_bunny: My favorite...ISN'T THE OLD MAN SAFEGUARD! OHOHOHO. Oh wait, it is the old man safeguard.

prettyprophet: Well, obviously. You keep drawing him.

funny_bunny: He's just TOO DREAMY! He BITES Killy. Also Mao is just like prophet and that's satisfactory.

prettyprophet: Mao. What a name.

Etrian Oddity, or the World Tree Madness in the West: #00002

"Gudeui hansumsoge chug chyojin balgorum soge
charari momchwojigil baranun haruga isso
amuron gidedo obgo irohda hal sollemdo obso
hajiman bakwonagal yonggido iyudo obso"

Etrian Oddity Issue #00002 - Etrian Psycho (written by the 1000 Rabbits, visualized by funny_bunny)

funny_bunny: I enjoyed doing this chapter VERY much. Hey nde, what do YOU think?

nde: I guess it's pretty accurate.

funny_bunny: Hoho.

prettyprophet: You'd think this would stop me from walking around the house near-nude, but it's not. I mean, funny once wrote a story where someone who MAY HAVE BEEN BASED ON ED whacked off to someone WHO MAY HAVE BEEN BASED ON NDE who was getting murdered. At least this was non-sexual.

funny_bunny: And very true-to-life.

prettyprophet: Ok, let's get this done:

The whole thing was basically just a near-copy of American Psycho's opening monologue. It was actually a lot more accurate at first, but we had to cut it down for five panels. Why the hell would we make such a reference to a book/movie that Etrian Odyssey fans probably don't care about? Truth is, World Tree's an excuse for us to put our lives into comic form. Expect continuous references and crossovers with things that have absolutely nothing to do with EO.

Panel One

You can thank Barbarossa for the photo. Guy's a castle nut so funny just asked him for whatever. This one fit into the frame decent enough.

Panel Two

My/Harvest's comment about stupid student concept films is a direct quote of...myself. We were passing by some of the boys who were watching something on Youtube. I took a look and said, "Wow, what a stupid student concept film". You know, all flash and technique because the actors can't carry shit. Nate turns to me and he's just like, "That's MY film, you bitch." "Yeah, it still sucks." Yeah, I'm turning into ed.

Also, I don't spend all the time in the nude. I live with my family, not just nde, so sadly I must put on something while the folks are in the house. Usually it's a gown from Lavie. But as we all know, funny has an active imagination.

Something I almost forgot to add: funny seriously was considering drawing areola and nipple because he's crazy and doesn't mind pissing me off. Then he saw naked Salvatore and thought the lure of the unknown was sexier. Thank the fucking Moon Rabbit. PS: I laugh at Pat because she's so sick, she can't even play games like DISGAEA 3. funny, go rob that slut.

Panel Three

We don't have a tub. But I do sing in the shower. That right there is from Cherry Filter's Revolution A.D. ...I think funny's also using them as the opening quote for this. Monologue there is completely true except for the honey bit. I think we were just changing words around or something.

Panel Four

Funny story behind that hair dryer. About a year ago we had to head up to a wedding and stayed at a swanky hotel. nde comes up to me and he says, "Beloved sister, used the hair dryer yet? It's pretty strong." I try it out, damn, it was for such a small thing. So I stole it and now it's what we use at home.

Also, there was MUCH argument over the sound effects of a hair dryer. nde suggested 'whirrrr' but funny's like, "No, that's too much like spinning." Long story short: wrrrr.

No, I don't drink in the morning. We needed something that had to do with the word 'alcohol' so we were like, fuck it, make me an alcoholic.

That thing on my arm isn't a watch. It's really a bracelet with an electric charge in it. I saw it in HK but wasn't carrying any cash, so nde got it for me. Kid, you regret doing that?

nde: No, you never use it on me.

prettprophet: I bet everyone else hates you. Anyways...boobs. Specifically mine. Want to know where they came from?

funny_bunny: I used HAPPOU BIJIN illustrations!

prettprophet: My reaction to that was recorded in the 'Leporidae Rex' ACHTUNG post over at the Reich. My words? "Fucking Father Christmas". And I stand by them.

funny_bunny: I wanted shapely, firm ones.

prettprophet: Yes. Now I expect some hot and sweaty boy love action to compensate.

funny_bunny: Turning into Pat?

prettprophet: No, I just want...no, wait, fuck it. THIS TOPIC IS OVER.

Panel Five

I'm wearing a Kazu Kibuishi 'Pachyderm Forest' shirt which I do not have. I didn't even know it was that shirt until funny told me since...frankly, you can't even tell from that lack of detail. Thank you funny for drawing us in apparel we would like to one day own, thus furthering our desires.

A sidenote here that Ink noticed...if Harvest and Snowflake are royalty...why the hell do they share a bathroom? Uh, because they're too cheap and Asian to get another one.

funny_bunny: I'm copying off SKETCHBOOK from now on as my main source! It's done by MUSASHI QUALTIY and it's ROCKING.

prettprophet: I just started reading it...yeah, that's high school all over again. Minus any art club. Anyways, in these explanations...I'm not referring to Harvest/myself as ME anymore. They're CARICATURES of ourselves and that's that.

funny_bunny: Why not switch all willy-nilly? IT'LL BE FUN.

prettprophet: And confusing. So there, Harvest was a nude skank in this issue.

funny_bunny: With excellent boobs.

prettprophet: Right. When's your chapter?

funny_bunny: Oh, you know me. I'm always wearing something!

prettprophet: Not when you sleep.

funny_bunny: Hey, let's make that the end page for the next release. "WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN?"

prettprophet: funny sleeps half nude.

funny_bunny: nde sleeps in CLOTHES to hide his SHAMEFULLY DELICIOUS BODY!

Rabbit Review: Shining Tears - Collection of Visual Materials

Title: Shining Tears – Collection of Visual Materials
Artist: Tony Taka
ISBN: 4757722346
Publisher: Enterbrain
Format: Softcover, 8.5 x 11.25 inches
Language: Japanese
Pages: 127
First Published: March 2005
Purchase Price: $28 US
Purchased From: Animebooks
Extras: None

If you can recall, March 2005 had the release of Shining Tears. If you can’t, I don’t fault you; it was an action RPG that has the dubious honor being X-Play’s “3rd Worst PS2 Game Ever”. Perhaps the reason was because of the game’s lineage: the Shining series was beloved for its tactical titles and reviled for its drastic changes in genre. Regardless, the artwork was pleasant enough to catch my eye and I would learn that Tony Taka, or just plain ‘Tony’ was responsible for it. Then I would later learn that he was also responsible for the art of several of Japan’s infamous ‘adult’ games. Yes, that kind of game. Not surprising, considering how many artists dabble in the erotic: Ghost in the Shell’s Masamune Shirow or Growlanser’s Satoshi Urushihara. Even Akira Toriyama of Dragon Quest and Dragonball fame ended up in the adult artbook Bitch’s Life Illustration File.





Tony’s Shining Tears – Collection of Visual Materials is as its name suggests: an artbook containing all things visually related to Shining Tears. His art may have struck a chord with fans of Shining Tears, what with the sequel Shining Wind bearing his touch.

It opens with a gallery of 24 full color images, all illustrations of the Shining Tears cast; the females take up most of those pages. The fact that they seem to have more love invested into them should be expected, given Tony’s background. Following that is a four page interview with the man himself, which then segues into the individual character illustrations. Thirteen pages of character graphics, since there are thirteen principle characters. Then 24 pages of their profiles, containing early sketches and portraits.





At this point, we’re then treated to about 27 pages describing the Shining Force world; not a good thing if you’ve bought this for the art. In this “World” section, there’s also artwork for the landscapes, NPCs, and enemies. This artwork appears to have been done by another artist, as the style varies too greatly and Tony appears to have been billed only for character design.

There’s a second interview with Tony and the storyboards for the opening cinematic, side-by-side with the finished product for comparison. To end the book, we’re provided fifteen pages of linework selected from the gallery section.





I know Visual Materials sounds like it holds a great deal but it’s only 127 pages. Out of that 127, I’d believe 76 are pure art; taking out the fifteen pages of linework, as they’re reiterations of gallery work, brings us down to 61 pages. So if it is quantity you’d like in your artbooks, this one’s lacking. This is not something unexpected; “visual collection” artbooks tend to be a way to make money off fans of the respective games, compared to artbooks that span an artist’s career. Still, there’s a lot of background information of Shining Tears, plus the interviews, so this could be absorbing if you can read Japanese.

Judgement:
Personally, I’m not that big of a Tony fan. His characters edge too close to the cliché for my tastes and the female-to-male ratio is rather unbalanced. However, I can see how his style can be appealing to the senses, given his aesthetically pleasing females. With that said, I find it hard to recommend Shining Tears – Collection of Visual Materials. If you’re a fan of the Shining Force series, chances are you won’t take a liking to Shining Tears and Tony’s art, as charming as it is, probably won’t sway you to buy the artbook. The same applies to anyone who’s simply looking for some fine art; Visual Materials isn’t worth the bother. Now, if you already are a fan of Tony, then by all means, get this. A glossy gallery, interviews, sketches; all wonderful. Just keep in mind that only half of it is actual art, which can be a sore spot for those wanting more.

Author:
Lavie Rhap is a freelance writer who contributes to a number of sites and zines using multiple pseudonyms. When not undertaking research, she enjoys reading classical texts and being the moral compass of the Thousand Rabbits.

Consultants:
Kawaii Pattycakes is a self-admitted otaku with interest only in Asiatic culture. Every cent she earns is put into funding her hobby; it is only through intense efforts of prettyprophet does she experience the rest of the world.

funny_bunny is [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] megaten [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] artbooks [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] cakes.









*Images from Aethereality Gallery and DPG because funny_bunny didn't want to scan his own book.

Happoubi Jin’s Sweet Body Chapter Three (Version 2)

"The wind rises, electric. She's soft and warm and almost weightless. Her perfume is a sweet promise that brings tears to my eyes. I tell her that everything will be all right. That I'll save her from whatever she's scared of and take her far, far away. I tell her I love her."

Lavie Rhap: No messages for the people?

funny_bunny: Nope nope!

Lavie Rhap: That's fine too.

Additional links:

On Mediafire
On Rapidshare

Happoubi Jin's Sweet, Sweet Body CHAP 01 PART 01

"It's the truth. You're not my son. You never have been. You're an orphan. Did you ever hear that word? You operated here today like one. I should have seen this coming. I should have known that under this all, these past years you've been building your hate for me piece by piece. I don't even know who you are because you have none of me in you; you're someone else's. This anger, your maliciousness, backwards dealings with me. You're an orphan from a basket in the middle of the desert. And I took you for no other reason than I needed a sweet face to buy land. Did you get that? Now you know. Look at me. You're lower than a bastard. Mmm-hmm. You have none of me in you. You're just a bastard from a basket."



prettyprophet: Despite this being the "last" chapter, we're not done. Still gotta redo chapter three.

funny_bunny: Only then will we consider Sweet Body complete!

prettyprophet: We're going to need hosting for the volume release because it's big as a mother. So c'mon, give us the hook-ups.

funny_bunny: Hook a playa up!

prettyprophet: Fo sho. Peace.

Additional links:

On Mediafire
On Rapidshare

AX 2008 was really really fun

And I didn't even go!

funny_bunny: Chea.

prettyprophet: Chea boi.

Kawaii Pattycakes: CHEA!

Lavie Rhap: How's your jetlag, prophet?

prettyprophet: Oh, the jetlag that turned into constant loss of equilibrium? It's great. Fucking great.

Kawaii Pattycakes: You should relax now. Watch some Geass.

funny_bunny: OR PLAY MGS4! Because SOME PEOPLE are kind and sweet enough to let people play WHENEVER.

Kawaii Pattycakes: QUIET YOU BAKA BUNNY.

funny_bunny: HENTAI PATTYCAKES.

Lavie Rhap: Civility, please.

prettyprophet: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Aw, now it looks like I'm saying that to Lavie. Way to preempt me, you bitch.

funny_bunny: Hey, everyone, get the FUCK out. It's FUNNY BUNNY's field.

Kawaii Pattycakes: WHERE'S THE YAOI DOUJINSHI?

funny_bunny: I'LL BURN YOUR ROOM, SLUT.

prettyprophet: Actually, this is pretty much funny's post so whatever. Do what the fuck you want.

funny_bunny: See? VICTOLY.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I will drill you. And keep Enchanted Arms out of your sexy hands!

Lavie Rhap: Pat, no one likes a hoarder.

Kawaii Pattycakes: He hasn't even finished FES!

prettyprophet: Jesus, you haven't? Piece of shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Neither have you!

funny_bunny: We're all DECADENT SCUM. Anywhos, I was at ANIME EXPO 2008! In spirit.

Lavie Rhap: There was only one Rabbit who went. Pat was tricked into thinking she would, but ed took her to Spain instead.

Kawaii Pattycakes: That TRAITOR.

funny_bunny: That wonderful Rabbit who I am indebted to is...AERITH'S BITCH! Danke danke, you OTAKU SCUM. So with his awesome aid, I spent a hundred bones there. Fufu!

prettyprophet: Fucking funny.

funny_bunny: My luxurious Lavie, list the goods!

Lavie Rhap: Didn't you take photos?

funny_bunny: Mon Dieu! I did!

prettyprophet: Fucking forgetful funny.



Kawaii Pattycakes: I <3 the Pokemon!

funny_bunny: My most valued possession! BUT IGNORE THEM THIS TIME! Gaze on the majesty of AX SWAG.

prettyprophet: A hundred fucking dollars. You could've got Folklore. I want to play that shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'LL BE GETTING IT NEXT!

prettyprophet: Bitch, please. You're more broke than funny.

funny_bunny: Bet you I'll get it before Pat. I bet a dollar.

Lavie Rhap: funny, focus on the purchases.

funny_bunny: Right right! Really, only THREE things cost moolah: PERSONA 3 doujinshi by MECHAFETUS, commissioned sketch of PLEINAIR and USAGI by PERSONA of MECHAFETUS, and PULCHRITUDINOUS POISON PVC. Everything else was free! I think.

prettyprophet: And somehow it still amounted to a hundred. Fucking Moon Rabbits, what the shit.

funny_bunny: Pretty Poison was a pretty penny.

prettyprophet: Hey, I'm all for a rocked out figure...but paying that much? Fuck off.

Kawaii Pattycakes: And that's why you'll NEVER understand the beauty behind PVC. Get out, you unbeliever.

prettyprophet: Fuck you, white girl.

funny_bunny: I hope you two wrestle.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I hope so too!

prettyprophet: I'm just not going to comment any further. Just talk funny. Just fucking talk.

funny_bunny: Fo shizzle!



funny_bunny: I haven't even taken her out of the BOX.

Kawaii Pattycakes: And you should never! Figures must be kept boxed and pristine. THAT IS LAW.

funny_bunny: I DEFY LAW. Also, Meatbun.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Meatbun is SUGOIIIII.



funny_bunny: SIGNED BY TAKEHITO HARADA!

Kawaii Pattycakes: THIS IS WHY I HATE FUNNY!

funny_bunny: Hate Aerith's Bitch for not getting you a copy!

Kawaii Pattycakes: I hate YOU for not reminding him!

funny_bunny: I love me!

prettyprophet: Hey funny, you didn't scan the back of the board.

funny_bunny: Nor shall I!



Kawaii Pattycakes: I LOVE TANIEL. I LOVE HER SIGNATURE. GYABO, DIE FUNNY.

funny_bunny: Oh Pat, what's that say? "TO FANIIBANII (HEART)". HARADA WROTE THAT TOO! MINUS THE HEART! OHOHOHO. I AM THE THIRD REVELATION! I AM WHO THE GREAT MOON RABBIT HAS CHOSEN!

Kawaii Pattycakes: I have more PS3 games!

funny_bunny: DIE.



prettyprophet: I would murder for this.

Kawaii Pattycakes: prophet unleashing her OTAKUNESS!?

prettyprophet: Hell no, I just want a sprite-based megaten fighting game. God, that'd be beautiful.

funny_bunny: Let that poster twirl in your dreamscape. It's from MECHAFETUS, PAUL ROBERTSON SPECIFICALLY.

Lavie Rhap: Of Pirate Baby and Kings of Power fame.





funny_bunny: You know, THIS was all I originally wanted.

Kawaii Pattycakes: But how can you stop there when so many other goodies call?

prettyprophet: Fucking easily.

funny_bunny: It is Mechafetus doujin! It is wonderful! This Time it's Persona3l!

prettyprophet: They even squeezed in Mara. Fuck yeah.

Lavie Rhap: Shall this be scanned?

funny_bunny: Of course not! THIS IS FOR RABBITS ONLY.



prettyprophet: Now that's just badass.

Kawaii Pattycakes: WHERE IS SAME-SAN!!!???

Lavie Rhap: funny's actual request was somewhere along the lines of a FF/Pokemon crossover, I believe.

funny_bunny: WRONG. I quote my superb self: "Pleinair raping Usagi while riding a Voltorb that's falling onto Megaten cast members such as sexy crazy demon lady Yuriko or brave space cat Goto...who are in the midst of a violent fight with FF cast members such as mangy Montblanc the moogle or mirthful Mjrn, who probably carries lustful, incestuous thoughts for Fran...meanwhile, Bikini Bible-chan benevolently observes everything...before preparing to annihilate all with pious Christian fury."

prettyprophet: Clearly that vision was distorted in production.

funny_bunny: Aerith's Bitch tells me Persona WAS NOT FAMILIAR with who Pleinair and Usagi were! So THAT CONFUZZLED THINGS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: But we have this triumph of loli might now!

Lavie Rhap: If there is anyone out there who would like to illustrate funny's request, by all means, do so.

funny_bunny: I wish I gave this to Ink to do before he got rich. So that's folks! NO MORE SWAG. Well, swag photos and scans that is!

prettyprophet: Good. Now let's fucking SMASH.

funny_bunny: Thank you so very much Aerith's Bitch for taking all the effort to GATHER THIS SWAG. I got him SMT: NOCTURNE AND A DS JAPANESE MAGIC TRANSLATING THINGY in return! Thank you Harada and Taniel for delighting a FANII BANII! Thank you Persona, Paul, EVO3 aka Ouendan, and Kinuko of Mechafetus for BEING SO SEXY AND SALACIOUS! ANIME EXPO, SEE YOU AGAIN SPIRITUALLY NEXT YEAR!

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funny_bunny: BOO.

Raidou Kuzunoha vs. OUR HEARTS: WHO SHALL BE WINNER??!

The answer should be obvious.

EVERYONE WINS!

First comes this, to wet our whistle. "Oh!" said a funny bunny, "Look at what Atlus hast wrought!" "Ludacris!" roared a pretty prophet, "For everyone has the PERSONA plague, not DEVIL disease."

And then this arrived! And a killer piece of ink declared thusly: "Kazuma Kaneko." And all became right in the world.

Etrian Oddity, or the World Tree Madness in the West: #00001

"And other ills, in countless multitude,
Thou seest not yet, on thee and on thy seed
Shall fall alike. Vent forth thy wrath then loud,
On Creon and on me. There lives not man
Who wastes his life more wretchedly than thou."

Etrian Oddity Cover (designed by prettyprophet and funny_bunny)
Etrian Oddity Issue #00001 - Welcome to Etria (written by the 1000 Rabbits, visualized by funny_bunny)

Lavie Rhap: To commemorate the first actual scanlation by the Rabbit Reich, funny decided to release the next issue of Etrian Oddity.

funny_bunny: It's RABBIT-TASTIC!

Lavie Rhap: funny, when do you think the next issue will be done?

funny_bunny: When Mori wears a spiked brassiere with stiletto heels!

Lavie Rhap: funny's burning himself out in order to release a number of things before prophet and nde return from vacation. I think it's for the best that we space ourselves out, however.

funny_bunny: Never! We must hurtle forward into the future like the speed demons we are! Isn't that right, my happy holstein?

Lavie Rhap: Will she join us as well?

holstein: Yes. [note: holstein didn't say anything after that.]

funny_bunny: Shall we begin?

Lavie Rhap: There's two items in this post: the "cover" of the series and the #00001 issue. Technically, #00000 is the real start but funny had great desire to designate it with a "0" number.

funny_bunny: The zero means INFINITE.

Lavie Rhap: And the eight?

funny_bunny: I like both.

Lavie Rhap: We'll begin with the cover: As some may realize, this is a direct copy off Blood Meridian's Vintage published cover. Originally, funny intended to draw a Thousand Rabbits version of it...

funny_bunny: And we can see how ALL THAT TURNED OUT.

Lavie Rhap: Then prophet thought it'd be better to draw nothing at all. So instead of a reproduction of the Vintage art, we get delightful scribbles from the artistic fields of funny.

funny_bunny: I referenced a lot of stuff there that I leave for you to figure out! BECAUSE REFERENCES ARE FUN.

Lavie Rhap: The Thousand Rabbits actually has an obsession with referencing anything that relates to the given subject...and sometimes even if there's no relation. I think funny personally does it to keep us on our toes.

funny_bunny: Like a ballerina.

Lavie Rhap: Anna Pavlova.

funny_bunny: When shall you travel the world, performing for foreign dignitaries?

Lavie Rhap: I'd rather perform through a different art instead.

funny_bunny: Erotic arts!

Lavie Rhap: One more thing I almost neglected to mention relating to the cover: Although I didn't write anything for it, prophet paraphrased a situation that was rather close to what you've read. It was months ago, when Etrian Oddity was being formulated: no one thought funny would be able to dedicate himself to drawing a comic but I knew he could. However, afterwards funny didn't draw much relating to Etrian aside from the initial sketches, so everyone kept telling him how disappointed I was in him, which was completely untrue. Either way, funny wasn't disheartened at all, so no harm done.

Onto Issue One: funny, as per recent tradition, placed holstein as the speaker of notes. How does she feel about being the mascot? Apparently funny hasn't told her and is motioning for me not to say anything, since holstein is only a few feet away.

Panel One

To those who are unfamiliar with our real-life counterparts: Harvest Pingpong is prettyprophet and Clover O'Dannyboy is Kawaii Pattycakes. Almost all the names were generated through the first non-profane words to come from ed's mouth and refer to our generic racial backgrounds, with "Pingpong", "Moshimoshi", and "Poe" being the exceptions. Pingpong was used thanks to everyone's enjoyment of the Simpsons quote:

Grampa: Oh, come on, there's lots of ways to pass the time. Hitch up your pants, air whittle, make friends with a Chinese man.

[an Asian man enters the room]

Craig: Um, Mr. Simpson, you weren't supposed to leave the home.

Abe: Thank you Ping-Pong!

Craig: Um, my name is Craig.

funny still loves that. prophet was made an Alchemist because chemistry is her major and Pat demanded the Dancer class. While a number of us play Etrian Odyssey now, namely the sequel, Pat was the first who became interested in it. Her fascination drew the rest of us in.

Panel Two

Pat does want all of us to cosplay at one time or another; I'm not much of a cosplayer, to tell the truth. The fabric isn't to my liking...and funny tells me that's why he has an aversion as well. "Too cheap-looking!" he says. prophet simply refuses, while nde and Ink avoid Pat whenever she arrives with a costume. ed actually will cosplay on the condition that he's allowed to keep the costume and wear it to his shows. Oh ed, if only we were all as brave as you.

Reebok Rajaratnam is Killer Ink. Ink has a liking for K-Swiss shoes, so prophet decided to use a rival company for the first name. The surname comes from a photo we saw on Facebook of a man with said surname. He looked practically identical to Ink if not for the fact that he was older and had facial hair. ed chose his nickname for Ink that day. Ink also happens to be a Landsknetcht but convinced funny to not draw him in costume. I assume it's because this references a sore spot of Ink's, so I won't expand on that. Ink's suit came from a Kazuma Kaneko drawing of Dr. Mekata of Shin Megami Tensei II fame (funny: scan from BE YOUR TRUE MIND).

And there is myself, "Olga Stalenvodka". I am a Protector because apparently that is what I do. funny even bought me a figure of the Etrian Protector/Paladin, which I have on my desk at home. Thanks, funny (funny: Now buy me some artbooks!).

Panel Three

The Dark Hunter happens to be edthefucker, as the name suggests. The "Newguyin" comes from the common "Nguyen" surname, a surname that ed informs many as his own...which it's not. Mori is the Ronin and her name was specifically crafted by Pat. While prophet dislikes Pat's otaku nature, Mori tends to have zero tolerance for it. As such, Pat attempts to convert her even more, hence the "moe".

prophet anecdote: The lines ed and Mori have are basically direct quotes: ed happened to come across me and Mori practicing a skit, causing him to shout, "Who the fuck thought it'd be a good idea to put Mori in a comedy?" with Mori saying "If you ever point at me again, I'll cripple you." ed pointed a finger, THE FINGER, and Mori replied by throwing a textbook at his face. ed, hilariously, was standing at the top of some stairs and fell the fuck down, breaking his wrist. I'd go on about the "humorless bitch" line, but we'll save that one. Back to Lavie with the next paragraph.

The style of note here is ed: funny copied off Sketchbook, a manga that many of us have become enamored with. Thank you, Musashi Quality.

Panel Four

Snowflake Pingpong the Survivalist and Poe the Hexer are nde and Nyx, respectively. They're the more quiet of the Rabbits, so they requested to have as few lines as possible. nde chose to have simply a question mark and Nyx chose to have absolutely nothing. prophet decided to make Nyx a silent character from there on.

Panel Five

The chief problem with maintaining the five-panel standard came down upon us here, when we were figuring out how to end. The original outline had quite a bit of action but we realized we couldn't fit all nine in, so we settled on purely introductions. At that point, funny exclaimed, "Punchline!" and prophet finalized the fifth panel. funny happens to be prone to making bizarre statements and for that, we love him. Being the spearhead for Etrian Oddtity, funny got to choose his class and appearance without interference...and he chose the Medic, female version. funny tells me he doesn't cross-dress normally, unless he sees very stylish clothing.

---

Lavie Rhap: And that is #00001. Nothing special, just setting up our characters. A note I forgot to add last time was that funny copied the credit style from the webcomic VG Cats. I'm not sure why; he hasn't given a reason yet. But reason isn't something he needs, yes?

funny_bunny: Reason? Who needs reason when you've got FUN?

Lavie Rhap: Reason allows us to appreciate the fun on more extensive levels. Not everyone is as carefree as you, unfortunately.

funny_bunny: I'm not carefree. I care about MANY THINGS! Like scanning some manhua! Or getting a PS3!

Lavie Rhap: Can't you play at Pat's?

funny_bunny: No! SHE'S A GAMEHOG.

Lavie Rhap: I'll try to talk some sense into her for you.

funny_bunny: Danke, but even you, oh mighty Lavie Rhap, shall fail! FOR SHE HAS BECOME A THRALL TO SOUL CALIBUR.

Lavie Rhap: Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI comes out any day now for the PC. You could play that.

funny_bunny: Yeah! And Persona too. I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE ANSWER.

Lavie Rhap: You restarted, after all.

funny_bunny: SHHHHH, DON'T SPOIL!

Lavie Rhap: Don't worry, funny. I'm sure you'll find your summer full of surprises.

funny_bunny: You know what would surprise me? A person named Killer Ink taking over the artistic duties for all the doujinshi. INK, GIVE ME A SURPRISE!

Lavie Rhap: There's always next year.

Etrian Oddity, or the World Tree Madness in the West: GENESIS

"In the beginning the Great Moon Rabbit created the moon and the field. The field was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the green; and the Spirit of the Great Moon Rabbit was moving over the face of the grass. And the Great Moon Rabbit said, 'Let there be cake'; and there was cake."

Etrian Oddity Issue #00000 - See the Child (written by prettyprophet, visualized by funny_bunny) <- Fufu.

HAVE A CHEESECAKE SMOOTHIE.

Lavie Rhap: Hi, I'm Lavie Rhap and I'm here to clear up anything funny left out. According to the bunny himself, there's quite a bit. Bear with us and we'll enlighten you to our inner workings and then some.

This is the first issue of Etrian Oddity, or a World Tree Madness in the West by the Thousand Rabbits, the much talked-about fan comic that prophet and funny had been collaborating on. We originally planned for it to be the vanguard of comics done by our little circle; as those following the Reich's progress may have noticed, Savior Blood, Smash Bizarre 2D ended up taking precedence. However, as circumstances dictated, funny decided to shift focus back to Etrian Oddity.

prettyprophet: Wassup gangstas, I'm just going to pop in here for a click. Yeah, yeah, I know I said I wouldn't do any Reich work because I'm on vacation...but I want to add in my own notes here. Lavie's keeping things civil, but a BIG reason why Etrian didn't fly was thanks to Ink, Pat, and ed. Namely ed, that fucker. It started off as a real 1000 Rabbit joint, with everyone pouring in random ideas and anecdotes...but we got fed up with arguing over interpreting characters.

See, here's a not-so-secret fact that practically anyone who's talked to us in the real world should figure out: all the characters are directly representing ourselves. Some exaggerations, duh, but they're us. SBSB2D is only based. Etrian? Almost 1:1 ratio of accuracy. Well, visually not so much; you can thank funny's RAD DRAWING SKILLZ for that. Point is, me and ed kept butting heads over practically everything so funny started writing. Again, you can thank him for any wackness that makes you say what the fuck. Ways to tell who wrote what: if it's an actual sentence, either me, nde, or Lavie. If it's random geek, me or funny. If it's total fucking otaku, pat. If it's offensive, me, funny, or ed. No, not ALL of us work on a single issue. Usually it's me, funny, and nde tossing ideas, Lavie and Ink critiquing, and Pat and ed as 'consultants'. "Hey prophet, you cunt, is THAT why the doujin's a piece of shit?" Yeah, actually, that's exactly why. We have no idea what Etrian Oddity's going to turn into because, unlike SBSB2D, there is zero game plan for this thing. We're just going to flip this bitch and see how it lands.

You know, the funny thing is that Lavie has no idea that I'm editing this thing into her own edit. Peace out.

Lavie Rhap: Etrian Oddity, is a fan comic very loosely based off Atlus' Etrian Odyssey. In order to differentiate itself from another Etrian Oddity, funny decided to add the subtitle The World Tree Madness in the West, as his tribute to Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West. How he'll tie that in, only prophet knows. (prophet note: Technically he already did, with "See the Child" as title. First line from Blood Meridian, yo.)

The reason for the five-panel style instead of the more common "4-koma" is due to Pat's insistence that four is an unlucky number. On that day, she was bitten by at least four mosquitoes, which funny took as an omen and bumped the amount of panels up one. I'd also like to note that reason for the explanations appearing in the post is because we could add links, making it easier for the reader to understand the many obtuse references we use.

Panel One

funny wanted to put the entire cast in a row but found it impossible with such small frames, so he chose to put a number of them in the background. The shirts on the Survivalist and Alchemist are from Nucleus, designed by Chris Appelhans. This was a request from prophet, who is a fan of Nucleus apparel.

Panel Two

I didn't want to leave this blank, so I moved an aspect of panel one down here: the eyes. funny tells me that although the style used overall was a complete amalgamation of various artists, the eyes of the Survivalist and Alchemist were specifically copied from circle Z-Vector. I can see how he copied, but looking at the specific doujinshi he used, I'd say that the eyes are generic enough for anyone to claim ownership. I was somewhat reminded of Breath of Fire artwork.

Panel Three

All I'd like to say on the Protector is that I'm pleasantly surprised funny kept her modest. Thank you for that.

Panel Four

I'm told that this entire panel was to build up to the line "We're nothing but caricatures of reality". prophet has emphatically stated it was her mission to include 'Morisms', which are quotes from the ever-impassive Mori. This line was not taken out of context; she really was referring to a work based on our lives...a sock-puppet show performed by prophet and Pat in high school for a fundraiser. Thankfully, Mori's icy nature serves as a most excellent counterpoint to the flames of our more wild members.

Panel Five

funny directly copied off another Nucleus artist for the tree, Robert Kondo's Day One. I'm not sure why funny chose this; "It seemed big" was all he could think of. I added the blurb about nine characters in search of an author, since Luigi Pirandello's play was the first thing that came to my mind when I read this.

prophet sez: This is a fucking source of IRE. I'm not even in the fucking country and funny messages me saying, "Do you remember who I copied off of for that tree? Because I don't!" So I spend five minutes of my precious time scanning through Nucleus. "funny, are you sure it's a print?" "Yeah!" "How sure are you?" "You know, sure!" "I can't find this shit." "Oh wait, it's in the artwork section! Fufufu, no need to worry it!" funny, fuck you. I wasted five minutes of my precious chill time and now I'm wasting more lashing out. You better buy me tiramisu when we come back. Cheesecake? Thumbs down, sucker.

---

Lavie Rhap: Despite Etrian Oddity being more "insider" than SBSB2D, we hope it has more widespread appeal in the sense that this comic will provide snapshots of our interactions with one another. While our chatlogs do enough, funny wanted to add a visual element. Ink, following his artistic calling, became unavailable for such duties, so funny took it upon himself to do so. That said, please be generous in your tolerance for funny's artwork. Most of it is copied, unabashedly so. A rather low-note to end out on, but here with the Rabbits, we try to be honest when we can.

funny_bunny: Don't worry, my luxurious Lavie! Let's get away, fly away! I found the path to paradise! Shining spiral of gold! Take my hand, find our way out! Heavenly stars above...just believe what's in your heart! No border between us; I can always feel you inside! INSIDE!

Lavie Rhap: How comforting! I'll rest easy tonight.

funny_bunny: And every night! For the night is what we own and the stars are ours.

Lavie Rhap: Ah, have you started on the next issue?

funny_bunny: Hoho! HOHO!

Lavie Rhap: May the stars guide you to brilliance and ecstasy.

funny_bunny: When WOULDN'T they?