June 28, 2008

Enter the Thousand Rabbits


Yeah, thousand of us. All of us girls and oh-so-horny. Love you long time.

Ha! Fuck off. It's prettyprophet, your unfriendly neighborhood PR Rabbit and I'm here to give you all the business on the Villa. Villa Leporidae. "Hey bitch, isn't this funny's shot of semen? What's filthy wymmin doing up in this piece?" Well, cuntlips, I'm up in this piece because funny_bunny is a flighty lunatic who really isn't the preferred person to talk shop. We all go on tangents but funny? funny's different.

Alright, so I'm supposed to outline who the Thousand Rabbits are and what they do. I know, we briefly went over it at the Reich but that was random bits of dialog everywhere and that one relationship map we came up with for no particular reason. Probably to lessen confusion amongst ourselves. Whatever. There's no big secret behind the Thousand Rabbits. It's the name we use for any team/project/report/doujin circle/counterfeiter ring. "Then what the hell's the Reich? The Republic? The Villa? The Club?" Yeah...those are all funbuns' creations. Thousand Rabbits? Funny story.

Way back at the beginning of college, when the clubs were recruiting people, we were chillaxing with some friends from the anime club. For some reason or another, a bunch of us decided to get a table, prop it right beside the anime club, and steal potential recruits for our super awesome fake club. ed, being the wonderful asshole showman he is, was especially useful for this, convincing people to join through bribery and also convincing them to join no one else. Course, it didn't take long for other clubs to start wondering, "Who the fuck are these jackasses?" So someone from admin gets sent and starts talking to us. Who comes at that exact moment? funny_fucking_bunny. ed just grabs funny and he's like, "Tell 'em who we are. These guys? They don't know who we are." "Oh, you mean the crew here?" "Yeah, they don't know us." "It's a pretty long story." "It's alright, just talk."

funny then spends 15 minutes detailing all of our relationships with one another and EXACTLY what we did. To paraphrase:

"I'm funny_bunny and, with my friend nde, we write scripts. prettyprophet, who is nde's sister, she's also getting into it. Do you know that they're twins? Yeah, they don't look alike but the resemblance is there! edthefucker and Kawaii Pattycakes are consultants...mainly because ed doesn't work well in a structured environment and Pat is very hyperactive. Lavie Rhap is the editor and moral support...but I don't see her around right now."

"...and this little outfit of yours--"

"Oh, we're...nde, what did we call ourselves?"

"Had to do with rabbits. Thousand Rabbits, I think."

"Yes! Thousand Rabbits! Was it 'A' or 'The'? A Thousand Rabbits. The Thousand. I'm going with the Thousand. The Thousand Rabbits."

"Look, if you want this to be a club, you have to fill out--"

"Club? We're not a club."

I should get fishnets like that

And that's the end of that story. Needless to say, it set off the spark in funny's head to turn whatever the fuck the Thousand Rabbits originally were into something more...grandiose. He named practically everyone up there, with the exception of one member who started a year after we did. Here, have the roster:

Lavie Rhap: She's the stable, older sister-type that keeps everyone from killing each other. Very normal, very boring. If conflict is the essence of drama, Lavie brings on the Zs. Because of her good-nature, she gets the task of editing whatever. Probably one of the few people I know that I don't regularly get pissed off at...though I get pissed off anyways because she's so damn understanding. STOP BEING AN ADULT AND SINK TO OUR LEVEL.

Killer Ink: Ah, our youngest member...who's the most mature following Lavie. Maybe more, because this guy, this guy's dedicated. He's an artist hardcore and after selling his soul for like, a year or so, he inherited cash and refuses to commission anymore, even for friends. And THAT's why our doujinshi look like shit; Ink is not the artist, funny is. Still, Ink spends so much time with us that he may as well draw it...he just doesn't. Plus funny is totally incapable of following his advice so...too bad!

edthefucker: All groups of friends have assholes. Ours? We've got a lot. Narrowing ourselves down to the Thousand Rabbits leaves us with ed. I guess I can be bitchy too, but I'm going to arrogantly declare that I'm not. So ed the fucker. He's an elitist cunt and gets off on fucking people around and he knows it, loves it. That's just who he is. He used to be one of the most dangerous to be around for a multitude of reasons...then people like holstein and 7672359440 came. Those two ain't part of the Thousand, but ed? Yeah, still fucking crazy. What does he contribute? Antagonism. There's your drama.

Kawaii Pattycakes: You know how you have friends from the old days and you think about them and you question yourself, "How the fuck am I still friends with this person?" Well, that's my situation with Pat. Pat is a fucking Japanophile. I don't mean like myself, nde, funny, Bug Prince, Kibbles&Mint, HERZOG, Trojan...a lot of other people...who have tastes that INCLUDE Asian junk. Hey, half of us ARE Asian, so that kinda makes sense with us dealing with Asian culture, right? Pat's white and her interests are EXCLUSIVELY focused on all Asian material. And I seriously emphasize ALL. You got gwai los who tattoo shit like 'rising sun' on arms and they're like, "Yeah, I'm badass" but they don't have a clue about Imperial Japan's rampaging massacres through the 40s. People will say, "Boy, I'm glad Vietcong killed those Yanks" and not give a thought towards the Commies that were sure as shit more corrupt than any puppet-state. Pat here...if there's one thing I'll admire her for...is the fact that she goes beyond all these fake-Japanophiles and REALLY sink her teeth into Asia. I don't think it's love; I think it's insane fascination. Naturally, her LOVE for Asian pop culture overwhelms anything of worth, so we're stuck with listening to some crap tunes from some throwaway anime OP. If you haven't guessed, Pat is our liaison for the otaku geekdom. Pat, fuck you for making me explain your position.

nde: I hate this kid more than Pat! Heh, I remember when I started calling nde 'kid', mom would get pissed. "He's older than you!" "Uh, only by a few minutes." Anyways, nde, my brother. Love him lots. The only person I can stand to be around for more than a day. Yeah, I can't even take Lavie for longer than that. All that courtesy and responsibility? Yuck. This kid, despite being the most quiet and shy little thing, somehow became acquainted with the likes of ed, Ink, and funbuns. Hilariously, he's still quiet and shy. But he's a wonderful smith of words and, surprisingly, can match funny on terms of bizarre ideas. That's why whenever those two collaborate on something, know that it'll be FUCKED up.

funny_bunny: I'd like to say that there's no person more infuriating and entertaining than funbuns. You might not believe this, but no one here can ever truly figure out what he's thinking. That drives me crazy because for all of funny's talk of rules, law, and love...there's no application to his own life. His own life is a fucking whirlwind of anything that crosses his mind. How can I tell? In the space of one year, he's embarked on more pet projects than Pat has yaoi doujinshi. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but let's see...funny was a columnist, photographer, an children's book writer, journalist, lyricist, DJ Maxer, tutor, pianist, scanlator, videographer, playwright, doujinshi artist, and one-time videogame music remixer. And those are the only ones I know of. Half of those ended abruptly because that's how funny is. He just goes forth and does whatever until he burns out on it. As of this date, he's mainly been pigeonholed into the scan scene because we're forcing him to be focused. But you don't "force" funny into anything. He either does it because he wants to or he doesn't do it at all. So this is why funny hasn't done anything for the SBSB2D doujinshi yet. Blame his lazy ass. Anyways, funny_bunny: scatterbrained leader of the Rabbits.

prettyprophet: Now how can I describe that prophet...she's astonishingly beautiful for one. And her wit? Look out, Oscar Wilde! Why, I'd say prophet is PERFECT. Right, so I'm prettyprophet, the most...active member of the Rabbits. If nde and Lavie are the base, funny the meat, Ink the vegetables, and Pat and ed the spices...I would be the cook. I make us do stuff. Now it's not like I'm a god, unfortunately. Pat, funny, ed, and Ink? Those idiots will do their own thing and completely disregard anything I have to say. Again, SBSB2D doujinshi. Still, someone has to be the spokesperson and that's where I fit in. In fact, I crowbarred my way in. "Hey nde, who's this goof?" "I'm funny_bunny, pleased to make your acquaintance. We're making a short film about cake." "Cool. Peace out." Next thing you know, I'm more involved with the Rabbit projects than the people who started them. Why else am I the one writing all this?

Elaborate pizza

And that's who we are. There's a lot of shit I left out, like ed having a band, me being in a band, Pat drawing yaoi that could be mistaken for abstract art, Ink's shady business deals, Lavie doing nothing important, funny going recluse for weeks, and nde's fucking weird relationships with girls. But I'll never get into any of that unless it's directly linked to the Rabbits. Why? One day I might tell the story of why everyone more or less insists on anonymity...or maybe I won't.

Whatever. The Villa isn't a place for all that personal blogger bullshit. You want some stupid yarn about the political sphere? Fakeass, hit-grabbing post about how my house burned down, now I need money? Fuck that. The Villa is a totally non-serious, non-important blog that has no reason to exist. Why? Because funny's just using it to talk about his figure love. We'll probably go geek on other things like games and movies. Make no mistake; even though I'm writing a fuckload here, this blog is funny's and not in the "the Reich is funny's" way. The Reich is Rabbit property, including Rabbits who aren't in the Thousand. The Villa's funny with free reign, so he could talk about dogdicking cannibalism for all I care. Also, we're not furries, we just use "Rabbit" to designate between "crew involved" and "crew not involved". Shame, ain't it? We would have looked absolutely stunning in our anthropomorphic forms, fucking each other and so forth.

There you have it! This fucking long diatribe that I hope explains ourselves. And if it doesn't, boo-fucking-hoo. Deal with it.

Yeah, I shoved Okama scans throughout to make this more interesting. OKAMA, OKAMARBLE! burnt-fish, yo, check it.


June 26, 2008

Rabbit Review: UJ14 Full of Vice

UJ14 is nameless

Name: UJ14
Series: PSE Products
Sculptor: No clue, designed by Range Murata
Maker: Beagle/Vice
Figure Type: 1/8 scale PVC
First Release: November 2006
Purchase Price: $40 US (sale)
Purchased From: AnimeNation

funny_bunny: I, funbuns, am pleased to bring the first Rabbit Review of Villa Leporidae. This is a very solemn occasion and as such, I bring my dear friend nde to assist in the ceremonies.

nde: Hi.

funny_bunny: Pray tell, nde, what do you think of superstar artist Range Murata?

nde: I like him.

funny_bunny: If I were to give you the secret sex sketches of Mr. Range, would you sell them for megabux or keep them for your own personal pleasures?

nde: I think they'd get passed around. We don't get much privacy around here.

funny_bunny: Indeed! Look at your fiendish imouto, walking around in a bathrobe and boxers, ignoring the two strapping young bucks plus two does watching her ecchi form!

prettyprophet: Fucking hell, Pat butchers jap enough, don't you start.

funny_bunny: The does are Nyx and Peking Duck.

nde: I don't think they're going to say much.

Peking Duck: Hey, I don't think YOU say much. Even though you should, because you're insightful, not like your friend here.

funny_bunny: Nay, my precious Peking Duck, my words contain incredible magic. Like a treasure chest in the gullet of Jack Sparrow.

nde: The last kiss of broken lovers.

funny_bunny: When is love not broken? Shattered?

nde: I don't know.

funny_bunny: It can be no other way. Perfection is but a dream!

nde: What about figures?

funny_bunny: Ah...figures.

UJ14 is PSE

funny_bunny: FIGURES.

nde: She seems rather lacking of emotion.

funny_bunny: Looking into a mirror? But I jest, for I know of your true fire!

nde: Thanks.

funny_bunny: Yes, UJ14...she was a gift! A gift from the amazing Aerith's Bitch!

UJ14 is sexual

funny_bunny: What subtle sexuality!

nde: Distracted.

funny_bunny: Mirror?

nde: Maybe.

funny_bunny: This is what nde would look like should he be a loli retro-mecha doll. Gets the jollies all up!

UJ14 is wanted

nde: I wonder why she's called UJ14.

funny_bunny: "Unlimited Joy" #14. The only working prototype of an experimental sex robot series. The project was scrapped due to mass protest against the moral implications, thus shelving UJ14 away forever! But a boy in the April of his fifteenth year stumbles upon this sleeping beauty...what travails await them? What suffering? What salvation?

nde: Headphones?

funny_bunny: Music quenches her thirst, her hunger. It is her lifeblood and she sings without feeling anything.

nde: Her personal pain was never taken into consideration. She existed not for herself, but for others.

funny_bunny: Is that not the most wonderful life? To be needed, to be wanted?

nde: Until we can give no more.

UJ14 is cyborg

funny_bunny: Gaze! To far away lands, to the beyond. What does she see?

nde: Nothing, perhaps. How human can she be?

funny_bunny: Human? Humanity is not the measure of all things!

nde: I think it is.

UJ14 is futurism

funny_bunny: Beauty, dear nde, beauty. What human purpose could that device burden her with?

nde: To keep her alive?

funny_bunny: All that steel, plastic, and synthesis! Is not more fabulous than flesh? The flesh is weak and falls prey to exhaustion. UJ14 shall never break, never tire...is what holstein would say, fufufu.

UJ14 is trap

funny_bunny: Do you not wish to embrace this one?

nde: Is she so truly vulnerable?

funny_bunny: Is she?

nde: Isn't it rooted within to protect the meek?

funny_bunny: And destroy!

UJ14 is buttocks

funny_bunny: But how can the meek have such posterior?

nde: I suppose she has a soft behind.

funny_bunny: A thousand courtesans provided the raw data.

UJ14 is alone in her castle

nde: I wonder if she gets lonely.

funny_bunny: But of course! She is the only one of her kind and she will never die. The boy in the April of his fifteenth year...time and blood shall ravage him. And she will never die.

nde: I think we all die alone.

funny_bunny: Who won't?

UJ14 is not touching herself

funny_bunny: Oh! Tricksies she played on us!

nde: No contact.

funny_bunny: Do we need contact?

UJ14 is thinking

nde: What of her blush?

funny_bunny: Could this be her moment of melancholy following her...exertions?

nde: So she thinks.

funny_bunny: And exists. Good on her!

UJ14 is Cora

funny_bunny: So? Now that you've seen what I have to show, what do you believe in?

nde: I believe in Murata's eyes.

funny_bunny: Does UJ14 have such eyes? Also, Form Code scans from burnt-fish!

nde: She does not express.

funny_bunny: Lamentations of the limitations! Even the engineered have flaws.

nde: Was she not meant to be cold?

funny_bunny: Yet not frigid! UJ14, you must stay cool! Stay distant! Stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you!

UJ14 is lamenting the innocence

UJ14 is ultimate joy

UJ14 is Murata-esque

funny_bunny addendum: Now that you've read all THAT, take a look at a SEX review with SEX photography!

UJ14 is not pictured


June 11, 2008

"Hello? This is Elizabeth..."

Welcome to the Velvet Room

"I'm calling to inform you of a change in Alter's line-up...I believe a 1/8 PVC figure of Yours Truly is now being created...I thought you might like to know. I wish you a safe purchase."

SWEET JUMPING MOON RABBITS! Damn you, Aerith's Bitch, for linking this! Probably costs $50 at HLJ! October release?! Photos from HOBBY STOCK! Scan from BE YOUR TRUE MIND!

Alter Lizzy

Soejima Lizzy

Oh Elizabeth, I would love to eat Inari sushi with you one day.