November 14, 2008

Rabbit Roundtable: What about WALL-E?


Verdict: What-a-pile-of-rubbish-only-white-people-could-think-of-fuck-them-all.

prettyprophet: Hoho, just fucking around. We're not THAT much of snobs. Well, I'm not.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm downloading WALL-E WALLPAPERS right THIS VERY MOMENT.

funny_bunny: Send when done!

prettyprophet: If you haven't guessed, WALL-E pretty much charmed the pants off everyone. But I think that's because we all saw it in Trojan's theater of a basement with a new plasma TV, Blu-ray, and surround sound.

Killer Ink: And people were drunk.

prettyprophet: Yes they fucking were. It wasn't piss-drunk or anything, it was a good time.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I was drunk. And it was a very good time.

funny_bunny: I wasn't drunk. And it was an EVEN GOODER TIME.

prettyprophet: You've never been drunk. You're just...something.

funny_bunny: I touched nde's inner thigh.

prettyprophet: So yeah, Trojan comes up to us all excited and he's like, "WALL-E. Blu-ray. New TV. Check it." We're all, "Oh, plasma, sweet. And WALL-E you say? I haven't seen it yet!" And Funbuns just gets all wide-eyed and he goes, "Can I use your Blu-ray burner?"

funny_bunny: I want to MAXIMIZE THE POWER OF THE PS3.

Killer Ink: The only reason why 'Blu-ray' is amazing to Funny is because no one has a Blu-ray burner yet. But now Whopper has one. He got WALL-E for Trojan.

prettyprophet: Wasn't for free though. Then again, Trojan insisted on paying Whopper so what the hell.

funny_bunny: Now FUNNY will look terrible if he does not pay for goods and services!

Killer Ink: You never pay anyways.

funny_bunny: I paid for everyone's lunch once!

prettyprophet: Yeah, you paid for everyone when everyone was just you and nde. If another one of us were there, THEN it'd count as everyone.

funny_bunny: I stand by my statement.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I sit on your face.

funny_bunny: Fufufufu.

prettyprophet: Anyways, since this is like, the only movie EVERYONE fucking watched together, thoughts?

Kawaii Pattycakes: Sugoi!

Killer Ink: Entertaining.

funny_bunny: SUBLIME.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I'll say it's magic too. nde, talk.

nde: It was good.

prettyprophet: I know Lavie liked it...and Ed, he fucking loved it.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Uh huh, he's got the OST in his car!

prettyprophet: Course, since he's a dick, first thing he says once the credits hit: "OH MY GOD, FUCK PETER GABRIEL THAT FAGGOT."

Killer Ink: He was more vocal on the environmentalist issue, however.

prettyprophet: Oh yeah, after when we're all just chillaxing, all Ed would talk about was "how fucking shit the movie was and it was all just bullshit fear-mongering by douche-sniffing liberals". But we all know he jerks it to EVE.

Kawaii Pattycakes: He has it on BLU-RAY TOO NOW.

funny_bunny: Wait wait wait wait, Ed has burner now??

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dunno!

prettyprophet: Ok, more thoughts. Um, fuck Nick and Nora, THIS is the shit.

funny_bunny: Fuck Slumdogs!

prettyprophet: Yeah Lavie, chew on that. Slumdogs GOT NOTHIN'. Let the Right One In? INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE BIN.

Killer Ink: This is what happens whenever other Rabbits aren't around.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We sneeze lots!

prettyprophet: Thanks to Ed and me. We talk so much shit. Ok, Ed talks shit, I just talk anecdotes. And Funbuns talks lies. And Pat talks sexual fantasy pairings.

funny_bunny: So what's everyone's fav part? NO SPOILERS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dancing!

Killer Ink: Also sprach Zarathustra.

nde: Love.

prettyprophet: Thomas fucking Newman. And 'Wanted' signs.

And Lavie says hers is M-O and WALL-E's handshake. Ed's is the trapped robot in space. And I'm not gonna do the rest of the Rabbits because fuck the rest of you.

funny_bunny: EVERYTHING. Especially SLO-MO.

prettyprophet: Explosions are cool.

funny_bunny: EVE is so beautiful.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm writing WALL-E fic now!


prettyprophet: Ugh. Hey, is it just me listening to oldies hardcore now? Fucking Fallout.

Killer Ink: It's nostalgia affecting your sensibilities.

prettyprophet: Definitely, since I lived through the 40s in America, listening to The Ink Spots and breaking down racial barriers. Fuck you.

funny_bunny: Psssssssssst guys, prophet's growing a small penis and dying her hair red and being a SADIST.

prettyprophet: Hey, someone's gotta be the Ed when Ed's not around.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, I just bought it on BLU-RAY.

Killer Ink: Weren't you going to have Whopper get you a copy?

funny_bunny: TWO DISCS! And I got GOTH'S CAGE while at it!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Oh, maybe I'll do that too! No wait, I WILL!

prettyprophet: Stop, just stop fucking spending money. Actually no, Pat, you stop, funny you keep spending. And give me WALL-E after.

Killer Ink: Blu-ray, prophet.

prettyprophet: Son of a buddha. Alright, time to snag a PS3. nde, get a card, I'm maxed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: YASUSHI SUZUKI!

funny_bunny: Let's get sushi!

Killer Ink: We've drifted.

prettyprophet: Word, anyways, WALL-E. Watch that shit because it is fantastic and heart-warming. We think it may even have caused romantic stirrings between nde and Lavie. So, as the PR Rabbit, I ORDER YOU TO WATCH.


prettyprophet: Whoa, simmer down, Heath.


November 7, 2008

RABBIT REVEAL: Hainan Cholera Outbreak Is Cover Story For Massive Zombie Infection


"Today, students who were off campus could not enter even with their students passes. The guards told them to take a three-day vacation. The off-campus students said that it was not sure whether things were serious inside the campus or it was even more unsafe outside.

I did not think about going down to the cafeteria at all. Perhaps I was scared off by what I saw when I walked past the cafeterias after class. There were crowds out the entrance and the university workers were yelling: "Do not enter. Please do not push. It is already full inside. Even if you get in, you won't get any food." There were many students dressed in camouflage uniforms trying to maintain order. They chased waves and waves of students back out. Even the temporary stands outside the cafeteria for instant noodles were mobbed. There was a notice which said that the cafeteria which re-opened yesterday is closed today because of water stoppage. The workers watched the people from the second floor. As I walked past this cafeteria, I heard a male student yell from the second floor: "I want to eat food, I want to drink water."

When I got back to the dormitory, there were more notices downstairs. Two notices were new: water was stopped and the Internet will be down tomorrow. Everybody howled in collective agony again. I don't think cholera is scary. But the lack of supply of the various essential things in daily life is the true terror.

I just learned that the water has been turned back on. I can make noodles."

Breaking news: China is now ground zero for an outbreak of panic, rape, looting, and delicious brain-eating.

This is Dionysos J. Juju, reporting live from Shanghai. I've been assigned here to cover Mr. Obama's effects on the heathen Chinee populace but I think I speak for all of us when I say: FUCK THAT!!!!!!


Oh, Patti Fujifilm, I'm told you are at the scene of the madness. How's things over there? Thumbs up?

Patti: Sorry J. Juju but I'm afraid my connection might get cut off any second now because the officials have sealed off the entire sector so my sentences are going to go all run-on and splot! I am watching some G-men in really sinister-looking suits take away an old man...I think he's a professor. Or maybe a dissident! COULD ALL THIS BE A RUSE FOR PURGES!!?!?!? Cameraman Edward Woodcock, what do you think?

Woodcock: Obama is going to JIHAD the rice out China now. Nuclear zombie APOCALYPSE. Got rice bitch? Not anymore.


Woodcock: Yo, fucking white people mucking up in my Siren.

Patti: Chea! Little Japanese girls ftw. Back to you, Juju!

Juju: There you have it, astonishing reports from our intrepid Patti Fujifilm. I can only pray that the world hears of this; let not the great Firewall of China filter our truth! ZOMBIES ARE COMING. ZOMBIES ARE COMING. BOARD UP YOUR WINDOWS! GATHER CANNED FOOD! STOCK UP ON AMMO! GET SOME TYPEWRITERS!!!!!!

And now some words from our sponsors!

pinkoprophet: So I was doing a term essay that's due tomorrow when I get this message from Funny: "CHINA! ZOMBIES! COVER UPS! SARS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Less than ten seconds later, nde's like, "Funny just sent this: 'LEFT 4 DEAD IN REAL LIFE, WORLD WAR Z BEGINS!!!!'

Then, this from Lavie: "Is it just me or has Funny gone on a zombie binge: 'Lavie, I thought about this for a long time and I didn't know how to tell you in here it is. THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC HAS A ZOMBIE PANDEMIC ON THEIR HANDS.'

As you can see, that coconut has been sending this around very rapidly. I kinda do hope there's zombies though. That way the march of the volunteers can do a little twist into an easy-going, flesh-eating shuffle. Why not? Anyone who believes all that shit's already dead to the world.

Oh yeah, Siren: Blood Curse. It's actually a metaphor for how Obamamania causes the utter collapse of the Western Sphere, allowing Hugo Chavez to fill Europe and North America with true left-wing ideals, creating total bliss and allowing movies like Twilight to prosper. Now that's future worth fighting for!

*Since we've made multiple references to politics, social struggles, and zombies, clearly this is a serious blog. Hey, we WERE the ones to bring you this doozy.