Porn: Not Funny; 'Tis Vile #1

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Porn: Not Funny; 'Tis Vile #1

prettyprophet: In light of all this brouhaha on rape and porn and all that good stuff, we decided it would be best to make light. And by "we" I mean "me" because......well I don't feel like waiting half a year for Funny to draw whatever. Besides, this is more than adequate, right?

Kawaii Pattycakes: I want to say stuff but Prophet won't let me!

prettyprophet: Because you're a very poor representation of the rational game-playing, anime-watching community. Hell, you're probably one of the worst.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Smut has not made me a bad person.

prettyprophet: Whenever Pat's drunk, she tries to rape nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Hey!

prettyprophet: Oh, by that I mean she's not actually drunk but she uses that as an excuse to cop a feel. You fucking predator.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'd use sad emoticons but you won't let me do that too.

prettyprophet: Yeah, my fist is pretty iron.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Tentacles! Tentacle yaoi...

prettyprophet: Tentacles.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Why's this 1000 Rabbits? It was all you!

prettyprophet: Because I asked Funny to do the old man's dialogue. And the tentacle was Ed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: When are we doing more yaoi...............

prettyprophet: Funny showed me the doujinshi.

Kawaii Pattycakes: IT'S HERE!?!

prettyprophet: Go talk to him. Probably being scanned yo, so you ain't getting your hands on them yet.

Kawaii Pattycakes: They're being scanned.......and BENT....BAWWWWW.....

prettyprophet: Scanlation, ugly, sexy business.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Byebye! We're going out for pho!

prettyprophet: Rabbits bringing you liberty, lunacy, and love.

Rabbit Rant: Sexuality and Scanlating P-FOREST's [Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield]

Sorry kids, get the hell out. Mom is FUCKING PISSED. Featuring Valkyria Chronicles spoilers!

Prophet here. If you're Valkyria Chronicles fan (and you ALL are, right?) you may have been looking around for Valkyria doujinshi. If you're a guy Valkyria fan, you may have been looking for Valkyria hentai doujinshi. Probably featuring Ms. Selvaria Bles. Yeah, we pre-empted that shit. Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield, by P-FOREST, Selvaria x Maximilian, presented by the Randy fucking Rabbit. Ok, to be honest, I just asked Pat to find me any Valkyria doujinshi of any kind and this was the first thing she got. I wish we got it out earlier but hey, we were busy.

So we released that. Big deal, we release all sorts of shit all the time; anyone want more "fluid"? Go back a few days. We released this doujinshi. In that post, Peking Duck, who is a "normal" person compared to the rest of us, was confused by my personal stance on pornography. We argued a bit for the sake of the post. What wasn't included was our argument after.

For the record, I am totally neutral towards it. "Moral decadence", "think of the children", blah blah blah.....face it, sex is like any other aspect of life. It's pretty important but don't dwell on it, alright? Lonely college student, bored husband, experimenting couples, maybe this can assist in getting your rocks off. People who collect and catalog by actresses/actors/year/genres? That's creepy; but I can't even fucking say that because I KNOW people who do that and......ok, SOME of them are fucked up (hey Nate, what's up?)

But back to Peking Duck. She says to me (in reference to DDT's Ouverture), "Prophet, why are we bothering with porn? Let's just go downtown." I explain that it wasn't for us, at least not in the sexual gratification sense (well, I'm not going to pry to lives of our Rabbit boys). I didn't really push for Ouverture since it was already being done when I found out; I encouraged it because I wanted our own scans to be used. But we found understanding in Ouverture since it had Dark Saber dominating the hell out of Shirou. "Ah, your feminist agenda." says Duck. "Fuck you." says I. Note: do not call me a feminist because I have no fucking clue what one is. I took a Fem-Lit class once, with nde, who is my brother. He passed with an A. I, a girl, nearly failed with a D. I am still confused about it. Anyways.

"My agenda," I say to Duck, "is to have stronger women." Now that's a very general statement; how are we going to make them stronger? I don't know, it depends on the situation. Duck asks, "How the hell have you been doing that?" The example I chose was Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield.

To begin with, I pushed for Valkyria because I wanted to be the first group to get a translated Valkyria doujinshi out. That was it. Everything else just happened to work in my favor. It was translated by ak (see his blog that has actual intellectual discussion). Script primarily edited by me, with minor changes here and there by nde. Oh, I should mention that this weirds Duck out so much. I guess that makes sense but it's not like we care, so whatever.

Now, let's compare what changed from ak's script and the final product:



The title is wordplay off the Japanese name for Valkyria: Valkyria of the Battlefield: Gallian Chronicles. Add a 'f' to 'of' and there you go. I'm not sure if this was thanks to ak or actual English know-how on part of circle P-FOREST. Here, Selvaria's subtlety (relatively) sexualized. She's got that sassy back-turn, her breasts have emphasis, hair and clothes caught in the wind, bit of revealed arms, and there's a sheen to her stockings. But the expression on her face, what is that? That's disdain. I know that face, I use it all the time. Course, this is a cover and usually doesn't mean jack.



In the game, Maximilian is a pansy-ass piece of bishie shit. Selvaria is a ruthless and obsessed with our good Prince. Note: the story and characters in Valkyria Chronicles are fun and serviceable. Best game of last year? To me it was. Best script of last year? Fuck no. That goes to Persona 4. Anyways, it really doesn't matter if Selvaria's a bitch to Maximilian because she's obviously the most devastating tool of war in the entire game. Why did the Imps lose the war? Because Maximilian had no idea how to use his people and could not discipline his men into not running away when a single scout captures their base. P-FOREST here presents Max as some sort of cocky motherfucker, who knows exactly what Selvaria wants. Selvaria, being a Japanese "creation", makes one assume, "Oh, it's going to take a while before she finally admits she wants his cock." Look at THIS face, compared to the cover. Is this a confident warrior maiden of the battlefield? No. The sfx next to her is "flinch". Great, another shame-filled sexfest. Nothing in the script was really changed for this page. Let's see the next.



Selvaria locks the fucking door and just says, "No one's around." Max knows what's going to go down; he's just sitting there, chillaxing, so I can only assume this is not the first time something like this happened. He's all being coy but Selvaria, she's already taking off her clothes. Her next lines, from "I beg you" to "I ask for your penis" are unchanged from ak's script. I didn't even have to change anything; she knew what SHE wanted too.



If you haven't figured out by now, the "sex sfx" doesn't actually matter to us; it could all be "ah" but whoever's typesetting just reaches into our sex sfx vault (yeah, it's real...seriously) and paces the sfx out. Here, Selvaria's just moaning and shit.......but look at her face. She is fucking happy. Hence the "happy sex" tag we used. I know, it's a stereotype that all hentai is endless loli rape, but I've seen ones that are technically happy sex yet the girl's either crying or has a face of over-the-top pleasure. Selvaria just looks like she's enjoying yourself. Good show, P-FOREST.



Ah crap, looks like I have to take some of that back. Max just did the whole "oh, you should be ashamed of yourself" thing. Will this be the end of my pro-sexual-Selvaria? No script changes either.



And the shame continues. "Sorry", "Not right", "etc" with Max still talking. Although Max had the dominant position from the beginning, he's clearly in control by this point since he's smiling and Selvaria's got that face of instant shock and pleasure. From what I've learned after working on all that porn, that can be the first penetration or the second phase where the fucking gets intensified. There was one change I want to point out here: ak has "Your Highness' hot thing is inside me"...I have "Your Grace's hot dick is inside me". Again, this goes with the shame deal. Fuck that, Selvaria's plenty capable of saying "dick". She already said "penis", she's not changing it to "thing" now.



Ok, rubbing against the desk, that's usual. Nothing was changed here. That's right, NOTHING WAS CHANGED......and Selvaria still cries out, "Do it inside." But does Max do it? Doesn't look like it. Do it inside? What the fuck? Does she WANT a bun in the oven?



Yeah, she fucking does. Max realizes this too. And since he is SO bent on this war of his, he's willing to give her his royal bloodline. Here's Max's lines from ak's original script:

"What’s this, Selvaria? You, a Valkyrian. You, my child, what you desire… If that’s the case then win me this war. For the Empire…for my sake! I’ll give it up to you, Selvaria. Ten times, a hundred times, my semen will be yours."

Here's mine:

"Selvaria, what's this? So that is what you desire? My Valkyrur... If that's the case...win me this war! For the Empire...for my sake! ...and I'll give it up to you, Selvaria...ten times, a thousand times...my seed will be yours!"

And Sevlaria's response: "Then please leave it to me...Prince Maximilian, Your Grace." The 'then' was added by me. And there, the end.

This last page pretty much shows my entire agenda. I didn't have to change much; P-FOREST already took care of a lot of it for me by using just the right images. Is Selvaria a shame-filled cunt in the last frame? Hell no, she's got a motherfucking devious look. Her expression is clear, she's smiling, AND there's that shady tone people often use to signify some sort of sneakiness. What the fuck does Max have? Just his dick and Selvaria's ideal image of him. He can't brush her off now. Think about it: Selvaria was born some sort of lowly experiment, saved by a Prince. She becomes a badass beauty on the battlefield, capable of leveling armies on her own. And now, she's going to be at future Emperor Maximilian's side and be the mother to the Imperial heir. That's my prediction on Valkyria Chronicles alternate history.

"Prophet," Peking Duck says, "Do you REALLY think that people are going to get that?" Sadly no. Most people aren't going to get it unless it's totally blatant like in Ouverture. And even then, all this is just used for masturbation material. Now, I will say that P-FOREST probably was aiming for that assertive Selvaria, so with their images and my adjustments to the script, I'm HOPING that more people got that impression of Selvaria than what we give them credit for. Speaking of credits, I may as well include it.



This is how I ended up vetoing for the "Selvaria x Maximilian" concept, not the other way around. Does this go against my own personal hatred against non-canon fan-fantasy pairings? Pat thinks it does, but I disagree. Selvaria and Max's relationship was always simple to me. The ONLY power Max has over her is love. And that's a fucking damning power. Whoever loves least, right? That's it. However, that takes only "love" into consideration. Love isn't just "love"; that's bullshit. There's always more "wants". Max probably doesn't "love" Selvaria; but he wants and needs her to do ANYTHING. Selvaria just needs "love"...but there is so much more she can take from him. Naturally, we'll never know what she can take. So this works as canon fan-fantasy. If it was something like "Selvaria orders her shocktroopers to gangrape Faldio until she finally gores his ass with her charged up lance" then I have no argument on that. But this is Selvaria and Maximilian, at the beginning of the Gallian campaign, subtlety playing with the idea of control.

At first I was also going to use this rant to get into faithfulness to scripts......but fuck that, I wrote way too much already. I'll save it for another time.

Author:
prettyprophet is a hot-tempered hellion who scans, proofreads, edits, and does public relations for the Rabbits but won't fund it at all out of stubborn principle. When not being harried by the scanlation scene, she gets involved with other scenes, harrying herself even further.