Rabbit Roundtable: Biased Motherfuckers (Part I – Game Edition)

Gaming in hard sex mode.

prettyprophet: We figured since we've done enough of these 'reviews', 'roundtables', and whatever, it's about time for us to tell everyone our basic biases and preferred genres through lists, because, you know, lists REALLY tell you everything you need to know about a person, right? This first one only applies to GAMES though; it's the only thing all of the Thousand Rabbits are actually interested in together. Yeah, I know, movies, comics, books...but those tend to get pretty specific. Anyways, now you can pick whoever to read and ignore all those other cunts.

Something you should remember though:

Lavie Rhap usually does 'purchase guides'. Basically she's just talking about whether or not it's a good buy.

prettyprophet, aka me, usually does 'roundtables'. I either sit down with a couple of the others and we talk about whatever.....or I just get random thoughts from everyone and stitch a post together from that. Kinda like this one.

funny_bunny usually does...something. Sometimes he'll do straight-up reviews, sometimes he'll do nonsensical writings. We have no fucking clue.

...While nde, Pat, Ed and Ink don't write anything.

Anyways, here:

prettyprophet
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: No clue
Has: Atari, NES, GB, SNES, Genesis, Game Gear, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: DC
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: Phoenix Wright series (Ace Attorney)
Action-Adventure: Shadow of the Colossus
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Almost anything by Valve (Half-Life 2)
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Total War series (Medieval II)
RPG: Baldur's Gate series (Baldur's Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Let Us Cling Together)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None (default Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine)
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Whatever's recent, Tree of Tranquility)
Puzzle: Bomberman series (64: The Second Attack)
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever's recent)
Sports: Whatever new and decent soccer game comes out
Visual Novel: Crescendo
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Shoji Meguro (Megaten)
Art: Hyung-tae Kim (War of Genesis, Magna Carta)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



prettyprophet: Sonic 2 was the first co-op game I played, Starcraft is the lifeline of any Asian who plays games, and Megaten, FUCK YES.

nde
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Anything Prophet has (owns most of them)
Preferred system: PS2
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: The Longest Journey
Action-Adventure: ICO
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Breakdown
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Romance of the Three Kingdoms series (ROTK XI)
RPG: Baldur's Gate series (Baldur's Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Knights of Lodis)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (A Wonderful Life)
Puzzle: Tetris (GB)
Rhythm: DJ Max series (DJ Max Portable 2)
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever's recent)
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Ko Otani (Shadow of the Colossus)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



nde: My interests are similar to Prophet's.

Lavie Rhap
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Genesis, GBA, DC, DS, Wii, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: Anything with historical background
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Mario series (Super Mario 3)
Adventure: The past glory of Lucasarts
Action-Adventure: Zelda series (Link's Awakening)
Fighter: The Last Blade series (The Last Blade 2)
Shooter: Karous
Light-gun: Time Crisis series (Time Crisis 2)
FPS: Halo series (Halo)
RTS: C&C (Red Alert 2)
TBS: Total War series (Rome)
RPG: Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura
JRPG: Shadow Hearts series (Shadow Hearts: Covenant)
SRPG: Valkyria Chronicles
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Friends of Mineral Town)
Puzzle: Brain Age
Rhythm: Guitar Hero series (first one)
Racing: None
Sports: Wii Sports
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: Trauma Center: New Blood
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Yasunori Mitsuda (Chrono Cross, Xenogears)
Art: Range Murata (Spy Fiction, Power Instinct)
Story: Grim Fandango
Most beloved: Grim Fandango, Rome: Total War, Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town



Lavie Rhap: I actually don't play games all that much; I must admit that my tastes have been somewhat shaped by Prophet, Pat, and nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes
Will play: Anything that's Asian
Will enjoy: Anything that's Asian
Has: NES, GB, SNES, GBC, Genesis, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, GC, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: Asian ones
Preferred genre: JRPG
Hated genre: RPG
Platformer: Castlevania series (Symphony of the Night)
Adventure: Trace Memory
Action-Adventure: Ys series (Eternal)
Fighter: Super Smash (BRAWL)
Shooter: Rez
Light-gun: Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles
FPS: Dark Messiah aka Hellnight
RTS: GrimGrimoire
TBS: THAT'S THE SAME AS TACTICS...so I'll say Front Mission!
RPG: NOTHING...Sudeki!
JRPG: Megaten - Persona line (Persona 4)
SRPG: Anything from Nippon Ichi (Disgaea)
Scary: Fatal Frame series (Crimson Butterfly)
MMO: None (default Silkroad)
Sim: Harvest Moon series - Rune Factory line (Rune Factory)
Puzzle: Professor Layton (Curious Village)
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Initial D: Street Stage
Sports: Any Prince of Tennis
Visual Novel: ANY WITH BEAUTIFUL BOYS
Co-op: Super Smash (Brawl)
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Hitoshi Sakimoto (FFXII, Valkyria Chronicles)
Art: Shigenori Soejima (Stella Deus, Trauma Center: New Blood, Persona 4)
Story: Megaten (Persona 4)
Most beloved: Ys: I&II Eternal, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly



Kawaii Pattycakes: I dunno what to say! Games make everything happy!

edthefucker
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Nothing
Has: NES, GB, N64, DC, PS2, DS, 360, PS3, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: FPS
Hated genre: Most RPGs and JRPGs
Platformer: Contra III
Adventure: None
Action-Adventure: X-Men Legends II
Fighter: Super Smash (N64)
Shooter: Cho Aniki
Light-gun: House of the Dead III (arcade only)
FPS: Quake III
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: Advance Wars (Dual Strike)
RPG: Diablo series (newest)
JRPG: Megaten (but not really)
SRPG: None
Scary: None (they aren't scary)
MMO: Silkroad
Sim: Cooking Mama
Puzzle: Big Brain Academy
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Cruis'n USA
Sports: Any NBA Street
Visual Novel: Name the most fucked up one you've seen
Co-op: Silk
Co-hate: Silk
Music: Silk
Art: Silk
Story: Silk
Most beloved: Silk



edthefucker: Silk, bitches.

Killer Ink
Will play: Stuff that has a distinct visual style
Will enjoy: Things that he can interpret
Has: PS2, PC
Preferred system: None
Preferred genre: ???
Hated genre: Sports
Platformer: Odin Sphere
Adventure: ICO
Action-Adventure: Okami
Fighter: None
Shooter: Ikaruga
Light-gun: None
FPS: killer7
RTS: None
TBS: None
RPG: None
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: None
Scary: The Lost Crown
MMO: None
Sim: Spore
Puzzle: None
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: None
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: None
Co-hate: None
Music: Masafumi Takada (killer7, No More Heroes)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: ICO
Most beloved: ICO, No More Heroes, Okami



Killer Ink: As long as I want to look at it.

funny_bunny
Will play: Indeterminable
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Atari, NES, GB, Game Gear, N64, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: ALL
Preferred genre: ALL
Hated genre: ALL...especially VISUAL NOVELS
Platformer: Metal Slug series (ALL)
Adventure: Sam & Max (Hit the Road)
Action-Adventure: Disaster Report series (first one!)
Fighter: Capcom vs. SNK 2
Shooter: The Super Dimension Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love?
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Oblivion
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: TOTAL WAR
RPG: Planescape: Torment
JRPG: MEGATEN
SRPG: BRING BACK THE SHINING
Scary: Rule of Rose
MMO:Granado Espada
Sim: Persona 4
Puzzle: DJ Max Portable 2
Rhythm: Saints Row 2
Racing: Ridge Racer PSP
Sports: THE IDOLM@STER: Missing Moon
Visual Novel: NEVER
Co-op: Left 4 Dead
Co-hate: BRAWL
Music: Shoji Meguro (MEGATEN)
Art: YOU ASK TOO MUCH [prophet edit: hey, fuck you. Even Pat had to choose.]
Story: Etrian Odyssey II: Heroes of Lagaard
Most beloved: Shin Megami Tensei, Shin Megami Tensei II, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



funny_bunny: BE YOUR TRUE GAME.

++++++++

prettyprophet: And that's us. Course, these lists are prone to change at any given time, so.....yeah, have fun figuring that out.



Images from Be Your True Mind, Hyung-taekim.org, and Google. Sorry about the lack of Western artists; these were just easier to find.

Rabbit Rant: Sexuality and Scanlating P-FOREST's [Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield]

Sorry kids, get the hell out. Mom is FUCKING PISSED. Featuring Valkyria Chronicles spoilers!

Prophet here. If you're Valkyria Chronicles fan (and you ALL are, right?) you may have been looking around for Valkyria doujinshi. If you're a guy Valkyria fan, you may have been looking for Valkyria hentai doujinshi. Probably featuring Ms. Selvaria Bles. Yeah, we pre-empted that shit. Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield, by P-FOREST, Selvaria x Maximilian, presented by the Randy fucking Rabbit. Ok, to be honest, I just asked Pat to find me any Valkyria doujinshi of any kind and this was the first thing she got. I wish we got it out earlier but hey, we were busy.

So we released that. Big deal, we release all sorts of shit all the time; anyone want more "fluid"? Go back a few days. We released this doujinshi. In that post, Peking Duck, who is a "normal" person compared to the rest of us, was confused by my personal stance on pornography. We argued a bit for the sake of the post. What wasn't included was our argument after.

For the record, I am totally neutral towards it. "Moral decadence", "think of the children", blah blah blah.....face it, sex is like any other aspect of life. It's pretty important but don't dwell on it, alright? Lonely college student, bored husband, experimenting couples, maybe this can assist in getting your rocks off. People who collect and catalog by actresses/actors/year/genres? That's creepy; but I can't even fucking say that because I KNOW people who do that and......ok, SOME of them are fucked up (hey Nate, what's up?)

But back to Peking Duck. She says to me (in reference to DDT's Ouverture), "Prophet, why are we bothering with porn? Let's just go downtown." I explain that it wasn't for us, at least not in the sexual gratification sense (well, I'm not going to pry to lives of our Rabbit boys). I didn't really push for Ouverture since it was already being done when I found out; I encouraged it because I wanted our own scans to be used. But we found understanding in Ouverture since it had Dark Saber dominating the hell out of Shirou. "Ah, your feminist agenda." says Duck. "Fuck you." says I. Note: do not call me a feminist because I have no fucking clue what one is. I took a Fem-Lit class once, with nde, who is my brother. He passed with an A. I, a girl, nearly failed with a D. I am still confused about it. Anyways.

"My agenda," I say to Duck, "is to have stronger women." Now that's a very general statement; how are we going to make them stronger? I don't know, it depends on the situation. Duck asks, "How the hell have you been doing that?" The example I chose was Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield.

To begin with, I pushed for Valkyria because I wanted to be the first group to get a translated Valkyria doujinshi out. That was it. Everything else just happened to work in my favor. It was translated by ak (see his blog that has actual intellectual discussion). Script primarily edited by me, with minor changes here and there by nde. Oh, I should mention that this weirds Duck out so much. I guess that makes sense but it's not like we care, so whatever.

Now, let's compare what changed from ak's script and the final product:



The title is wordplay off the Japanese name for Valkyria: Valkyria of the Battlefield: Gallian Chronicles. Add a 'f' to 'of' and there you go. I'm not sure if this was thanks to ak or actual English know-how on part of circle P-FOREST. Here, Selvaria's subtlety (relatively) sexualized. She's got that sassy back-turn, her breasts have emphasis, hair and clothes caught in the wind, bit of revealed arms, and there's a sheen to her stockings. But the expression on her face, what is that? That's disdain. I know that face, I use it all the time. Course, this is a cover and usually doesn't mean jack.



In the game, Maximilian is a pansy-ass piece of bishie shit. Selvaria is a ruthless and obsessed with our good Prince. Note: the story and characters in Valkyria Chronicles are fun and serviceable. Best game of last year? To me it was. Best script of last year? Fuck no. That goes to Persona 4. Anyways, it really doesn't matter if Selvaria's a bitch to Maximilian because she's obviously the most devastating tool of war in the entire game. Why did the Imps lose the war? Because Maximilian had no idea how to use his people and could not discipline his men into not running away when a single scout captures their base. P-FOREST here presents Max as some sort of cocky motherfucker, who knows exactly what Selvaria wants. Selvaria, being a Japanese "creation", makes one assume, "Oh, it's going to take a while before she finally admits she wants his cock." Look at THIS face, compared to the cover. Is this a confident warrior maiden of the battlefield? No. The sfx next to her is "flinch". Great, another shame-filled sexfest. Nothing in the script was really changed for this page. Let's see the next.



Selvaria locks the fucking door and just says, "No one's around." Max knows what's going to go down; he's just sitting there, chillaxing, so I can only assume this is not the first time something like this happened. He's all being coy but Selvaria, she's already taking off her clothes. Her next lines, from "I beg you" to "I ask for your penis" are unchanged from ak's script. I didn't even have to change anything; she knew what SHE wanted too.



If you haven't figured out by now, the "sex sfx" doesn't actually matter to us; it could all be "ah" but whoever's typesetting just reaches into our sex sfx vault (yeah, it's real...seriously) and paces the sfx out. Here, Selvaria's just moaning and shit.......but look at her face. She is fucking happy. Hence the "happy sex" tag we used. I know, it's a stereotype that all hentai is endless loli rape, but I've seen ones that are technically happy sex yet the girl's either crying or has a face of over-the-top pleasure. Selvaria just looks like she's enjoying yourself. Good show, P-FOREST.



Ah crap, looks like I have to take some of that back. Max just did the whole "oh, you should be ashamed of yourself" thing. Will this be the end of my pro-sexual-Selvaria? No script changes either.



And the shame continues. "Sorry", "Not right", "etc" with Max still talking. Although Max had the dominant position from the beginning, he's clearly in control by this point since he's smiling and Selvaria's got that face of instant shock and pleasure. From what I've learned after working on all that porn, that can be the first penetration or the second phase where the fucking gets intensified. There was one change I want to point out here: ak has "Your Highness' hot thing is inside me"...I have "Your Grace's hot dick is inside me". Again, this goes with the shame deal. Fuck that, Selvaria's plenty capable of saying "dick". She already said "penis", she's not changing it to "thing" now.



Ok, rubbing against the desk, that's usual. Nothing was changed here. That's right, NOTHING WAS CHANGED......and Selvaria still cries out, "Do it inside." But does Max do it? Doesn't look like it. Do it inside? What the fuck? Does she WANT a bun in the oven?



Yeah, she fucking does. Max realizes this too. And since he is SO bent on this war of his, he's willing to give her his royal bloodline. Here's Max's lines from ak's original script:

"What’s this, Selvaria? You, a Valkyrian. You, my child, what you desire… If that’s the case then win me this war. For the Empire…for my sake! I’ll give it up to you, Selvaria. Ten times, a hundred times, my semen will be yours."

Here's mine:

"Selvaria, what's this? So that is what you desire? My Valkyrur... If that's the case...win me this war! For the Empire...for my sake! ...and I'll give it up to you, Selvaria...ten times, a thousand times...my seed will be yours!"

And Sevlaria's response: "Then please leave it to me...Prince Maximilian, Your Grace." The 'then' was added by me. And there, the end.

This last page pretty much shows my entire agenda. I didn't have to change much; P-FOREST already took care of a lot of it for me by using just the right images. Is Selvaria a shame-filled cunt in the last frame? Hell no, she's got a motherfucking devious look. Her expression is clear, she's smiling, AND there's that shady tone people often use to signify some sort of sneakiness. What the fuck does Max have? Just his dick and Selvaria's ideal image of him. He can't brush her off now. Think about it: Selvaria was born some sort of lowly experiment, saved by a Prince. She becomes a badass beauty on the battlefield, capable of leveling armies on her own. And now, she's going to be at future Emperor Maximilian's side and be the mother to the Imperial heir. That's my prediction on Valkyria Chronicles alternate history.

"Prophet," Peking Duck says, "Do you REALLY think that people are going to get that?" Sadly no. Most people aren't going to get it unless it's totally blatant like in Ouverture. And even then, all this is just used for masturbation material. Now, I will say that P-FOREST probably was aiming for that assertive Selvaria, so with their images and my adjustments to the script, I'm HOPING that more people got that impression of Selvaria than what we give them credit for. Speaking of credits, I may as well include it.



This is how I ended up vetoing for the "Selvaria x Maximilian" concept, not the other way around. Does this go against my own personal hatred against non-canon fan-fantasy pairings? Pat thinks it does, but I disagree. Selvaria and Max's relationship was always simple to me. The ONLY power Max has over her is love. And that's a fucking damning power. Whoever loves least, right? That's it. However, that takes only "love" into consideration. Love isn't just "love"; that's bullshit. There's always more "wants". Max probably doesn't "love" Selvaria; but he wants and needs her to do ANYTHING. Selvaria just needs "love"...but there is so much more she can take from him. Naturally, we'll never know what she can take. So this works as canon fan-fantasy. If it was something like "Selvaria orders her shocktroopers to gangrape Faldio until she finally gores his ass with her charged up lance" then I have no argument on that. But this is Selvaria and Maximilian, at the beginning of the Gallian campaign, subtlety playing with the idea of control.

At first I was also going to use this rant to get into faithfulness to scripts......but fuck that, I wrote way too much already. I'll save it for another time.

Author:
prettyprophet is a hot-tempered hellion who scans, proofreads, edits, and does public relations for the Rabbits but won't fund it at all out of stubborn principle. When not being harried by the scanlation scene, she gets involved with other scenes, harrying herself even further.

Mobile Rabbit Roundtable 0080: Rabbits in the Pocket

DEATH TO GUNDAM.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, everyone! It's Chief Funbuns!

prettyprophet: And the Prophet.

Lavie Rhap: And I, Lavie.

funny_bunny: Lavie's a PROTECTOR.

prettyprophet: Ok, so we were talking today about CLASS OF HEROES. I'm really looking forward to this, even though I didn't care for Etrian all too much.

Lavie Rhap: Is it because of the school setting?

prettyprophet: Exactly, it IS because of the school setting.

funny_bunny: So! In our GLORIOUS ARROGANCE...we felt that since we, the Thousand Rabbits, always place ourselves in such games...OUR READERS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO MAKE US!

prettyprophet: Hell yes, we are just that narcissistic!

Lavie Rhap: It's actually somewhat of a strange phenomenon.

funny_bunny: It's SAME ALPHA WAVELENGTHS.

prettyprophet: Alright, people have no idea what we're talking about. A few years back, when the first Etrian Odyssey came out, Pat was playing it hardcore. I didn't give a shit. One day, Funny goes to her, "Oh, you're playing Etrian. How's that?" And Pat, she just starts gushing on and on like usual but adds, "Prophet (well, my real name) just took down so and so!" I'm like, "Huh, someone's got my name? That's rare." "Oh no, I put all of you guys in my game! Look, you're all so kawaii~~^_^"

And that's that story.

Lavie Rhap: From then on, whenever any of us play games that allow character customization, we try to fit in as many of our friends as possible. Interestingly enough, our choices in classes and characters are nearly identical.

prettyprophet: It's not THAT surprising since we know how everyone plays. But dear readers, we are going to tell YOU how to make the Thousand Rabbits when Class of Heroes comes out. Well maybe not, since...has anyone taken into account race? Because I just focus on class thanks to Etrian and Disgaea.

Lavie Rhap: We'll all be exploring new ground together.

funny_bunny: No worries! Etrian will be our template! DIDI DIDI DIDI.

prettyprophet: Giving you two classes per character and predicated race. Note: Pat was the one who got everything done pretty accurately so we're using her guidelines for this, which was base characters not on usefulness but on closeness to physical appearances and personality. Refer to Etrian Oddity.

nde



Main: Ranger/back-line attacker - something distant
Secondary: Samurai - something stoic from the Orient
Probable Race: Elf - "They prefer softer sounds, as the ancient Elf language is very poetic."

prophet sez: Pick the most depressed looking character for nde. Withdrawn, inattentive, small, and weak. You'd think Hexer, right? Nah, that's the creepy class; Nyx got that in Pat's and I think Funny gave it to holstein in his.

Prophet



Main: Warrior/front-line fighter - in your FACE
Secondary: Alchemist/back-line attacker - heavy attack, no magic shit
Probable Race: Elf - "They are a highly intelligent and pious race, and thus are well suited for spell-casting majors."

Lavie sez: Though Pat gave Prophet the Alchemist class in Etrian, that was mainly due to Prophet's major at the time (Chemistry). Choose an aggressive class that acts as the vanguard. Since her brother would be of the Elf race, she would have to be one as well, though I don't believe she would like that.

Lavie



Main: PALADIN'S ARE MALE ONLY IN CLASS OF HEROES/front-line defense - TANK
Secondary: Cleric/back-line healer - heel plz
Probable Race: Celestian - "A race with the blood of the heavens."

Funny sez: Lavie's supposed to be PROTECTOR OF US ALL and I gave her a Protector figure as a gift and it's AWESOME. But in Class of Heroes only GUYS can be Paladins and that's DETRIMENTAL to the FEMININE CAUSE. BOLLOCKS, SAYS I. So she can be Valkyrie instead.

Patty



Main: Thief/Troubadour/some sort of support - She's a Japanophile
Secondary: Gunner/back-line attacker - She's a slut
Probable Race: Halfling - "Even after coming of age, a member of this race is only about as tall as a human child."

prophet sez: Pat loves the most useless classes but in this case, thieves and whatnot will probably be necessary. Just pick the most energetic looking portrait. Why does she get halfling when she's as tall as I am? Because she's a goddamn CHILD.

Ed



Main: Doesn't matter/attacker - ATTACK
Secondary: Doesn't matter/attacker - ATTACK
Probable Race: Diablon - "Being of demon origin, they tend to be avoided by other races."

Lavie sez: I feel bad doing Ed's...(prophet: SHUT UP AND DO IT) Ed's class does not actually matter...we simply choose the most evil looking class. In Etrian, it was one Dark Hunter that looked quite like him, only with blue instead of red hair. He also dislikes any defense, preferring offensive capabilities all the time.

Ink



Main: Psychicer/back-line magic caster - STOIC
Secondary: Anyone that looks Indian (as in, India) - BRAHMAN
Probable Race: Dwarf - "They are as pious as they are strong, causing many of them to enter priestly fields as well."

Funny sez: WHY DID PAT GIVE HIM LANDSNECHT? Oh yes, because he was selling his soul at the time, fufufufu! INK, YOU SELLOUT BASTARD. Anyways anyways anyways, a classy class will suit Ink just fine. A little mystic BUT NOT TOO MYSTIQUE. He gets dwarf because that is as dark as Class of Heroes gets! And he's SHORT.

Funny



Main: Devout/front-back-whatever - crazy classes
Secondary: Any sort of healing thing - Funny loves healing, the freak
Probable Race: Sprites - "They are also small, but some theories suggest they use illusions to make them appear so."

prophet sez: Ah, the medic. Funny had Pat remake her medic into the lolipop one and name it after him (Pat already made him the male medic). But for Class of Heroes, who knows, Lavie'll probably take the healer slot if Paladins are out. Just pick someone who's like a sprite. You know, someone from the SPRITE race.

++++++++

prettyprophet: I have my own classes already set for a bunch of friends:

Mori = Wizard, Erdgeist
Nyx = Evoker, Diablon
Peking Duck = Kunoichi, Felpier
trev = Monk, Drake
Trojan = Samurai, Human
Whopper = Paladin, Drake
Emily = Ninja, Felpier

funny_bunny: Here's mine! BUT NOT ALL.

Honey = Wizard, Celestian
holstein = Monk, Diablon
-_- = Evoker, Human
7672359440 = Samurai, Felpier
Aerith’s Bitch = Alchemist, Halfling
Barbarossa = Paladin, Celestian

Lavie Rhap: I don't have a PSP so...I sadly will not be able to join in the school of heroic deeds.

prettyprophet: Man, I gotta write about why I love school-based games one day.

funny_bunny: DO IT NOW.

prettyprophet: Fuck off, I'm playing some ROTK XI.

funny_bunny: SO! Games the Rabbits can be lovingly placed into: Nippon Ichi stuff like Disgaea! Etrian Odyssey! Romance of the Three Kingdoms! Soul Calibur IV! Sins of a Solar Empire! Old skool RPGS! CLASS OF HEROES.

Lavie Rhap: Games that allow customization but has canon names don't count.

prettyprophet: Yeah, like I can name everyone in FF7 "Cunt" but we all know Cloud's name is Cloud. Cloud Strife. Because it's the opposite of Zack. Zack Fair.

Lavie Rhap: You'll never get over that, will you?

prettyprophet: No. I can honestly say that I am totally 100% positive that the sheer fucking stupidness of the reasoning behind those names CANNOT be defended by the fanbase.

funny_bunny: EASY EASY PROPHET, surely we can forgive Final Fantasy when we have such wonderful things like the love between Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly!

prettyprophet: Funny...you just HAD to put their last names in.

funny_bunny: CLASS OF 2009!

Lavie Rhap: Heroes, created by Tim Kring.

prettyprophet: Save the cheerleader, save the PSP.

Rabbit Roundtable: Valkyria Profile ~ On the DLC Front

VALKYRIA DLC ATTACKS.

prettyprophet: It fucking rocks. If you have Valkyria, get it. If you don't, get a PS3, get Valkyria, then download it.

nde: They should probably beat it first.

prettyprophet: Yeah, probably. So I've got a final tomorrow...fuck that, I played Selvaria's AND Edy's DLC. They're both awesome. I know, $5, that's a little steep...but it's Valkyria. And if this encourages Sega to make more (SKIES OF MOTHERFUCKING ARCADIA), I'm gonna toss 'em bones. SHUT IT YOU CUNTS, I did study, I'll be fine, SHUT IT FUNNY, KEEP CLEANING ACONY, YOU'RE DONE, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY EXCUSES.

nde: I bought the Edy Detachment DLC. Prophet bought Selvaria's.

prettyprophet: I was iffy on Edy since it's only one map compared to Selvaria's...maps. I don't want to spoil anything, so whatever. Anyways, nde wanted to chip in on VC stuff since I was the one who paid for the whole game; I was going to buy Selvaria regardless. You get a MG if you A-rank all of her's...nothing if you A-rank Edy.

nde: For Edy, different endings for different ranks.

prettyprophet: Technically both DLC's are fanservice filled...but Edy's is total fanservice. I'm not talking upskirt shit; just clean fun. So if you like Edy (minor spoilers), Homer, Lynn, Susie, Jann, and Marina, you'll love this DLC. Homer and Marina. They're great. Jann? Japanese makeup-wearing bears? Little too obvious.

nde: Homer has subtlety, then?

prettyprophet: Hold up, I can't believe we haven't talked about this yet: Rabbits in Valkyria, who would we be? Actually fuck that, we could just be ourselves.

nde: No, Lavie talked about this.

prettyprophet: When the hell was that?

nde: Some time ago.



prettyprophet: We need to get Funny to draw some shit. Too bad it'll suck. [funny edit: nonsense, IT'LL BE FANTASTIC. I can be Hans!]

nde: He's busy working on this thing.

prettyprophet: Usagiten?

nde: This other thing.

prettyprophet: Oh god. Ok, let's talk about the Edy scenario itself. Basically your squad of six is on its own and you have to defend a town. Simple as that.

nde: If any enemy enters your base area, you lose.

prettyprophet: No retreat, no redeploy, no medics, no orders. Just what you got.

nde: I think default equipment and levels are transferred over from the main game.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I think so too, since I tried to give Lynn the badass machinegun but it didn't work. What we mean by default is whatever your levels are as of playing the DLC. Like, we'd cleared the game twice over, so we're maxed out...Edy's DLC wasn't as challenging as it may be for others thanks to that. Then again, I watched nde B-rank it first, so I figured out how to A-rank on my turn.

nde: As for Selvaria's...

prettyprophet: I used a guide for the second map. I was like, "Fuck, I'll just A-rank it first, get the machinegun."

nde: Somewhat somber. Melancholy.

prettyprophet: Hey, not with that one scene. Huh, wink, nudge?

nde: Hm?

prettyprophet: Don't tell me you missed that.

nde: Missed what?



prettyprophet: I'll show you later. If you're a Selvaria fan, download this. I kinda am; the whole "oh I love you Max but I know you're just using me" is meh but fuck that, she's awesome. Really wish her boobs weren't designed for horndogs. And for our readers, nde just gave me one of his "you-have-no-idea-what-the-fuck-I'm-thinking" looks because he thinks I'm about to go off on Valkyria's female character designs. I'm not. They're very fucking impractical. That's all I'm gonna say. That's all I have to say. Kid, shut the fuck up.

nde: I haven't played "Behind Her Blue Flames" yet. I watched.

prettyprophet: Think you'll A-rank?

nde: Maybe. Usually the easiest. But tactically unsound.

prettyprophet: And how. So that's nde and Prophet, giving you impressions on two of Valkyria Chronicles's DLC packs: "Enter the Edy Detachment" and "Behind Her Blue Flames". Didn't get the Hard-EX mode because we haven't even touched the hard skirmishes yet. I guess I'll get to that after I finish Absence of Justice.

nde: Maybe when it drops in price.

prettyprophet: They cost $5 a pack. Selvaria's is definitely worth it since it's more than one map and gives you a gun and further characterization...Hard-EX (or Hard-SEX as Funny loves to call it) we don't know about, maybe Funny or Pat bought it [funny edit: NAW SON......Pat's not getting it either because she suxxx at Valkyria! SUCKS FALDIO'S PENIS!] but since it changes up your tactics completely and gives you new weapons to use, it's got the most literal bang for your buck...and Edy, get only if you like those soldiers involved. Otherwise, pray that Sega decides to make more DLC with people you DO like.

nde: That probably depends on how many people buy the DLC though. Sadly.

prettyprophet: What are you complaining about? You got Susie and Marina. Don't try to hide your lust.

nde: Homer?

prettyprophet: I'd do him. But that'd be statutory rape. And he'd love it. Seriously though, Aika and Vyse. Let's get those Skies of Arcadia kids in and maybe Sega'll give us more rocked out RPGs like Nintendo did with Fire Emblem (even though I hate Roy, Marth, and Ike).

nde: I'm going to sleep.

prettyprophet: And I'M going to listen to Olivia's latest single, "Sailing Free", play more Valkyria, and whip Funny into cleaning.

nde: I think he's playing VC as well.

prettyprophet: Vietcong, The Other Side, Love Love Love, close your eyes, we're all under the same sky, you have me, whoever you are, I...love you...

nde: Not studying anymore?

prettyprophet: Hush.


Images from some MU link of the preorder artbook. Hey, send us Valkyria doujinshi. Seriously.

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil - #0002

"What's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
That he should weep for her? What would he do,
Had he the motive and the cue for passion
That I have? He would drown the stage with tears
And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,
Make mad the guilty and appal the free,
Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed
The very faculties of eyes and ears."

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil Issue #0002 - A Serpent Stung Me

funny_bunny: It's fun finals time! That means it's fun drawing time for me! But no one else is around because they're all study or not even in town! SOME ARE VERY VERY RESPONSIBLE AND SOME ARE VERY VERY BAD. But nde is here!

nde: Yeah.

funny_bunny: nde, are you sad that you have not made your appearance in megaten doujinshi yet?

nde: No. Prophet will figure something out.

funny_bunny: YOU won't figure something out?

nde: You know I can't write comedy.

funny_bunny: And you think ye wee sibling can?? YOU THINK I CAN? UNBELIEVABLE. Oh oh, so PP was the thinker behind this! Wait! Read ze comic before this point! No panel-panel-panel-panel breakdowns, just straight up chat-chit! Ok, MAU!

nde: Everyone wanted the summoner to be killed off early so all the demons could do anything they wanted.

funny_bunny: BUT HOW TO KILL?

nde: Then Prophet saw a bag of White Rabbit Candy that wasn't thrown out yet. So that was that.

funny_bunny: OBJECTION, cameo! That was for Aerith's Bitch, you rascal!

nde: I guess this one was self-explanatory.

funny_bunny: No REAL in-jokes here! Was SUPPOSED to be done AEONS ago. But I had to carefully hone my art to the point of perfection, as you may see here.

nde: I think people forgot about the contamination scandal by now.

funny_bunny: YOU didn't forget. MOI didn't forget!

nde: That's true.

funny_bunny: Usagiten! Melamine! Style from TOTAN KOBAKO! SKETCHBOOK!

nde: Maybe this and other projects will be worked on soon.

funny_bunny: NAAHHHHH. Too busy with SEXUAL HARASSMENT OF INKY.

Rabbit Roundtable: What about WALL-E?

Verdict: What-a-pile-of-rubbish-only-white-people-could-think-of-fuck-them-all.

prettyprophet: Hoho, just fucking around. We're not THAT much of snobs. Well, I'm not.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm downloading WALL-E WALLPAPERS right THIS VERY MOMENT.

funny_bunny: Send when done!

prettyprophet: If you haven't guessed, WALL-E pretty much charmed the pants off everyone. But I think that's because we all saw it in Trojan's theater of a basement with a new plasma TV, Blu-ray, and surround sound.

Killer Ink: And people were drunk.

prettyprophet: Yes they fucking were. It wasn't piss-drunk or anything, it was a good time.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I was drunk. And it was a very good time.

funny_bunny: I wasn't drunk. And it was an EVEN GOODER TIME.

prettyprophet: You've never been drunk. You're just...something.

funny_bunny: I touched nde's inner thigh.

prettyprophet: So yeah, Trojan comes up to us all excited and he's like, "WALL-E. Blu-ray. New TV. Check it." We're all, "Oh, plasma, sweet. And WALL-E you say? I haven't seen it yet!" And Funbuns just gets all wide-eyed and he goes, "Can I use your Blu-ray burner?"

funny_bunny: I want to MAXIMIZE THE POWER OF THE PS3.

Killer Ink: The only reason why 'Blu-ray' is amazing to Funny is because no one has a Blu-ray burner yet. But now Whopper has one. He got WALL-E for Trojan.

prettyprophet: Wasn't for free though. Then again, Trojan insisted on paying Whopper so what the hell.

funny_bunny: Now FUNNY will look terrible if he does not pay for goods and services!

Killer Ink: You never pay anyways.

funny_bunny: I paid for everyone's lunch once!

prettyprophet: Yeah, you paid for everyone when everyone was just you and nde. If another one of us were there, THEN it'd count as everyone.

funny_bunny: I stand by my statement.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I sit on your face.

funny_bunny: Fufufufu.

prettyprophet: Anyways, since this is like, the only movie EVERYONE fucking watched together, thoughts?

Kawaii Pattycakes: Sugoi!

Killer Ink: Entertaining.

funny_bunny: SUBLIME.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I'll say it's magic too. nde, talk.

nde: It was good.

prettyprophet: I know Lavie liked it...and Ed, he fucking loved it.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Uh huh, he's got the OST in his car!

prettyprophet: Course, since he's a dick, first thing he says once the credits hit: "OH MY GOD, FUCK PETER GABRIEL THAT FAGGOT."

Killer Ink: He was more vocal on the environmentalist issue, however.

prettyprophet: Oh yeah, after when we're all just chillaxing, all Ed would talk about was "how fucking shit the movie was and it was all just bullshit fear-mongering by douche-sniffing liberals". But we all know he jerks it to EVE.

Kawaii Pattycakes: He has it on BLU-RAY TOO NOW.

funny_bunny: Wait wait wait wait, Ed has burner now??

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dunno!

prettyprophet: Ok, more thoughts. Um, fuck Nick and Nora, THIS is the shit.

funny_bunny: Fuck Slumdogs!

prettyprophet: Yeah Lavie, chew on that. Slumdogs GOT NOTHIN'. Let the Right One In? INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE BIN.

Killer Ink: This is what happens whenever other Rabbits aren't around.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We sneeze lots!

prettyprophet: Thanks to Ed and me. We talk so much shit. Ok, Ed talks shit, I just talk anecdotes. And Funbuns talks lies. And Pat talks sexual fantasy pairings.

funny_bunny: So what's everyone's fav part? NO SPOILERS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dancing!

Killer Ink: Also sprach Zarathustra.

nde: Love.

prettyprophet: Thomas fucking Newman. And 'Wanted' signs.

And Lavie says hers is M-O and WALL-E's handshake. Ed's is the trapped robot in space. And I'm not gonna do the rest of the Rabbits because fuck the rest of you.

funny_bunny: EVERYTHING. Especially SLO-MO.

prettyprophet: Explosions are cool.

funny_bunny: EVE is so beautiful.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm writing WALL-E fic now!

funny_bunny: SEND THE WALL-E WALLIES.

prettyprophet: Ugh. Hey, is it just me listening to oldies hardcore now? Fucking Fallout.

Killer Ink: It's nostalgia affecting your sensibilities.

prettyprophet: Definitely, since I lived through the 40s in America, listening to The Ink Spots and breaking down racial barriers. Fuck you.

funny_bunny: Psssssssssst guys, prophet's growing a small penis and dying her hair red and being a SADIST.

prettyprophet: Hey, someone's gotta be the Ed when Ed's not around.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, I just bought it on BLU-RAY.

Killer Ink: Weren't you going to have Whopper get you a copy?

funny_bunny: TWO DISCS! And I got GOTH'S CAGE while at it!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Oh, maybe I'll do that too! No wait, I WILL!

prettyprophet: Stop, just stop fucking spending money. Actually no, Pat, you stop, funny you keep spending. And give me WALL-E after.

Killer Ink: Blu-ray, prophet.

prettyprophet: Son of a buddha. Alright, time to snag a PS3. nde, get a card, I'm maxed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: YASUSHI SUZUKI!

funny_bunny: Let's get sushi!

Killer Ink: We've drifted.

prettyprophet: Word, anyways, WALL-E. Watch that shit because it is fantastic and heart-warming. We think it may even have caused romantic stirrings between nde and Lavie. So, as the PR Rabbit, I ORDER YOU TO WATCH.

funny_bunny: I WANT TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE.

prettyprophet: Whoa, simmer down, Heath.

Rabbit Roundtable: Eight Heart Paradise

Heart warming life simulation!

Ages ago, there was a game called Harvest Moon. It was on the SNES and it was hard as hell. Fast forward several years and we got Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, there were tons of other games in between...but we're playing this right now because no one likes playing Island of Happiness.

Chea, nde just bought it over the weekend...so naturally, I've been hogging it. I'm in summer now. They really need to add more save slots; I use only one, but nde likes to use two. Dawg, what happens if you've got a ton of housemates like ed?

Oh shit, I'm sorry, this isn't really much of a roundtable. Probably because we're all busy as hell now and don't have time for this. Instead, it's just going to be a wrap-up of the Tree of Tranquility love stories for everyone:

Lavie Rhap's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Gill or Toby
If replayed as male: Anissa

Lavie says: I finally bought a Wii thanks to nde when I expressed my desire to try out a console Harvest Moon. Sadly, we couldn't find Magical Melody or A Wonderful Life being sold for a reasonable price, so I bought Tree of Tranquility, rather than borrowing nde's copy after he and prophet were done. That was probably for the best, since the twins are very exhaustive in their game habits.

I named my character Victoria and finding a husband wasn't a priority for me until all the Rabbits demanded I start flirting. I have interest in Gill, but with his preferred gifts being gold and silver, I deemed him being too avaricious. Since Toby is a more relaxed character, he seems more suitable in the simple life of farming. But surely Gill has a degree of innocence; the Harvest Sprites chose him to aid the Goddess. I'll have to decide when I reach the Firefly Festival, as I'd rather not a repeat of seeing the Fireworks Festival alone.

Pat's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Jin (figures)
If replayed as male: None, it's all about Jin

Pat, through prophet, says: Fucking Pat. Always choosing the Asians.

ed's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Luna
If replayed as female: Julius

ed, through prophet, says: "I'm gonna break that bitch." That's ed for you. Sidenote: I don't think he's ever going to get past spring.

Funny's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Anissa
If replayed as female: Luke

funny says: I chose Anissa because she's one of the first you meet and her family's all warm and cozy to me and that's awesome. They have a farm too! So good family life. Also she is elfin.

prophet: Elfin?

funny: Like, her hair, her clothes...elfin! Not ears though.

prophet: It's mind-boggling, but you seem to actually have rational reasons for liking Anissa. How far-out.

nde's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Phoebe
If replayed as female: Jin

nde says: I haven't met Phoebe yet. I think I'll choose her.

prophet's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Probably Renee
If replayed as female: Dunno

prophet says: I seriously can't decide. Now, I started this as a guy, mainly because I was under impression if you go girl, you get fucked over at marriage and subsequent pregnancy, like literally. Have a kid, game ends, rah rah Japanese mindset, right? Well, apparently the game still goes on, even if you're a bird with chick. Thank the fucking Moon Rabbit for that. That's how it should be; think kids will stop a lady-farmer? Hell no. They raised those kids from dinks to doctors, all the while planting crops and shearing sheep. Course, I found out about the whole 'being a girl doesn't suck in this game' deal AFTER I finished a season. Like hell I'm starting over now when I could just have a daughter.

Now, on love. I'm thinking Renee but I've still got other options like Anissa and Selena. Anissa's the most blatant choice, given the whole family familiarity thing...which is why Funbuns chose her. Probably won't pick Anissa since he's already got that. Selena...I liked her little character story. Thought she was just an angsty runaway from a broken home? Nah, none of that shit here. Still, it was TOO little of a character story, plus Selena doesn't seem like the type to fit well in a farm environment. Bet she'll sleep around too (funny: Oh absolutely! Just look at that provocative dress and saucy temperament!).

So Renee. To me, she's like the Ellen of the first Harvest Moon. In fact, that's what she may as well be. Damn these Harvest Moon stock types. But she makes sense. Her family's the animal place and Ellen has a cute intro. Had more impact on me than the others. Oh god what the fuck am I saying?

Patty: Fufufufufu, now you're one of us!

funny: DARK SIDE.

prophet: Shut it.

Now Tree of Tranquility ain't perfect, obviously. Might seem like we're all going ga-ga over it but I got a lot of beef to fry. To start, we have some people we would just love to romance, but they're not on the list: Bo and Elli. Bo for Booberella and Elli for anyone who has a maid fetish (yeah, I know Maya kinda covers the maid thing with that waitress uniform, but that's still just a waitress uniform). Man, if only there was easy-to-use mod tools...

Speaking of mods, GLITCHES. nde and me, we've had no fuck-ups so far, but hilariously, whenever Booberella tries to play Lavie's, it stalls. It's like the game hates her or something, which is terrible, because now Booberella won't ever get to experience the latest-gen Harvest Moon. Anyways, Natsume = glitches, this isn't new, but what the hell we shouldn't be used to this.

Motion controls are shit in Tree of Tranquility? Don't know, none of us use that. Classic baby.

I personally wish we had an item organizer; maybe we do but fuck manuals. I'm pretty sure no one else reads them either, except Lavie. I probably should have, since I fucked up my first seed planting because I thought it was still 3x3 tiles instead of 1x6. Damn, that was lost profit.

Maybe it's just the Rabbits, but it seems barely any of us actually farm. nde mines, Funbuns fishes, Pat...I don't know. I have a preference for mining too, since I want to gold up all my tools. Lavie farms because she's a straight-laced cunt with no zest for life. Cooking food for townspeople in the kitchen, keeping the women rights movement down, that's what she's doing.

Ink is a cockbite motherfucker who won't play Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, he doesn't have a Wii but neither did Lavie and she got it like THAT. Fuck Ink.

Also, the Thousand Rabbits here have a tendency to destroy any sort of innocence or seriousness any game has. In Twilight Princess, all we could talk about was how Midna x Wolf Link porn (NSFW, surprise surprise) would implode the internet (PS: you can thank Pat for that link). Here, we've got ed and funbuns talking about the sex lives of all the adults (Elli as Hamilton's slave, Sue and Samson making up through rough sex), Pat dreaming of hard Pascal x Main Character action, and me trying to figure out what drove the developers to include Luna, who is pure lolipop. Oh wait, that just answered my question, didn't it?

Homies, if only we weren't waist-deep in manhua and doujinshi...we should do Harvest Moon.

funny edit: Ohohoho, should we now?

Anyways, the Rabbits are overall happy with Tree of Tranquility. Lavie and Funbuns love it, Pat loves it but she'll lose interest soon, probably when Eternal Sonata reenters orbit, ed and Ink don't care, while nde plays it regardless. Myself? Yeah, I like it. It's relaxing fun with more goal-oriented zen. It's no great leap forward over the other games in the series...but hey, would you really want it to be?