Rabbit Roundtable: First Annual Videogame Awards 2008 Edition - The Pleinnies

So here we are with our set of awards: The Respectable Rabbit Rewards...the Pleinnies. As always, our judgment bears hefty weight and surpasses all other critics by leaps and bounds. There ARE some notable exclusions that aren't even mentioned: LittleBigPlanet...and basically anything that was 360 only. None of the Thousand Rabbits have a 360. Deal with it. Some things we just didn't get a chance to play much...and the rest we just didn't give a fuck about. Again, deal. Anyways, let's set it off.

++++++

Most Fuckable Female; Not Love, but Fuck

edthefucker: That what's-that-bitch's-name from that ocean shit. Had that lifejacket. Definitely a fucking closet freak. Dolphin fucker fo sho. [Endless Ocean]

Kawaii Pattycakes: DR. NAOMI. DR. NAOMI. DR. NAOMI. [No More Heroes]

Killer Ink: Wouldn't know.

funny_bunny: ROSIE. God, I HEART YOU ROSIE! All that running around must give you SUCH a toned body! You can blitz me any day~ [Valkyria Chronicles]

Lavie Rhap: I assume we must choose new characters, or at the very least, re-imagining of old characters, making the cast of Super Smash Bros. Brawl disqualified by default. I'll have to go with Lea Nichols. But that makes me sound like some sort of creepy voyeur, doesn't it? [The Experiment]

nde: I don't know.

prettyprophet: Well, this is a hard choice purely because there's been so many games where you DO FUCK other characters: Tree of Tranquility, P4. Therefore they're obviously fuckable. I can't do the obvious; that's such a cop-out. Most fuckable of 2008: Sylvia Christel, that fucking loon. [No More Heroes]



1000 Rabbit Consensus: The ladies of No More Heroes.

++++++

Most Fuckable Male; Not Love, but Fuck

edthefucker: That fucking bitch cousin in GTA . Fuck him. [Grand Theft Auto IV]

Kawaii Pattycakes: TEDDIE. TEDDIE. TEDDIE. [Persona 4]

Killer Ink: Wouldn't know.

funny_bunny: I want to get inside Teddie and grope his stuffing out. [Persona 4]

Lavie Rhap: Kanji Tatsumi. While Teddie's winning charm is understandable and has consumed several Rabbits, I find Kanji's blending of embarrassment and bluster very endearing. Kanji, let's talk again in a few years, ok? [Persona 4]

nde: I don't know.

prettyprophet: Mao. That kid needs a good fucking. [Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice]



1000 Rabbit Consensus: The boys of Persona 4.

++++++

Most Fan-Fantasy Friendly



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Not only is there no argument but there's also no other alternatives. It's Persona-fucking-4. Does ANYTHING surpass the overall good will possessed by this semi-dating-sim? You've got Yosuke x Chie, Yukiko x Teddie, Kanji x Naoto, main character x anyone, schoolgirl idols, lolipop cousins (ain't that great, you incest-loving fucks?), rugged detective uncles (EVEN BETTER INCEST), neglected mothers, devilish nurses, the Strength threesome, the ever-hot Margaret, and MORE. It'd be easy to blame Pat, Ed, and Funny for infesting our minds with filth, but seriously, those developers? They fucking knew what they were doing. They knew.

++++++

Most Wanted to Drown in the Depths of Obscurity So We Don't Have to Hear Anymore Idiotic Fan Arguments/Masturbation Sessions

edthefucker: Persona 4. Jesus, shut the fuck up.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Fallout 3 is GROSS.

Killer Ink: Left 4 Dead.

funny_bunny: Persona 4! Like, get over it, YOU MEGATEN LOSERS.

Lavie Rhap: Frankly, no fanbase for specific games bothers me. Console discussion is more upsetting.

nde: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

prettyprophet: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Ew.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. Look Atlus, where's the fucking SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI IV? Don't go pulling a "let's wait until the next generation for the next core series release" shit. Oh also, MGS4 never ceases to piss us off.

++++++

Most Likely to Transplant Self Into

edthefucker: Valkyria Chronicles. Show you how to do a genocide right.

Kawaii Pattycakes: PERSONA 4 means LOTS OF SEXY SHOUNEN.

Killer Ink: I'd like to do paintings of sea life one day. So Endless Ocean.

funny_bunny: Siren: Blood Curse: so I can FIGHT ZOMBIES and EAT MEATLOAF.

Lavie Rhap: Farming in Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. Ah, the pastoral life!

nde: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. City suffocates.

prettyprophet: Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI. I made myself in it and I'm a general of Wei. Fuck, if only I could do a coup...



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Technically the Thousand Rabbits have already been put into three games: Etrian Odyssey 2: Heroes of Lagaard, Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI, and Valhalla Knights 2. But for flavor's sake, we all would fit into Persona 4...probably even more than Persona 3. Funny's definitely Teddie, Pat's Rise, Ed's the TRUE KILLER, Ink's Naoto, Lavie's Margaret, nde's the main character again, and I, prophet, would probably end up taking Chie's role. You know, we've actually designated Funbuns' name as the main character's due to his hair, only for that idiot to have it cut. Funny, you fucked it up and now the main character LOOKS LIKE NOBODY.

++++++

Most Educational Game That Can Be Applied to Our Daily Lives

edthefucker: Spore shows that there's no god. Hey Christfuckers, suck on those nuts.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Persona 4 taught me to be smart and diligent and understanding and expressive and brave! Then everyone likes you and wants to CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Killer Ink: As Persona 4 displays, even Shadows can gain souls.

funny_bunny: I learned to be responsible and family-ness in Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. Then I learned that we must cross blades on the STAGE OF HISTORY. Then I learned that THE SHADOW SELF MUST BE ACCEPTED.

Lavie Rhap: I found through Left 4 Dead that our teamwork needs dire improving.

nde: Sharks and eels won't attack you in Endless Ocean.

prettyprophet: Valkyria Chronicles, as far as I can tell, is the only game to make a blatant comparison with the Holocaust. Guys, let's start making games that deal with racism in a less clumsy way.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. Who hasn't dealt with their dark side? Check this shit out, you face your other self and boom, you'll be able to summon demons, solve murder-mysteries, and score with a ton of people who barely know you.

++++++

Most Disappointing Game That We Knew Would Be Disappointing

edthefucker: Persona 4 is shit just like Persona 3. It's all mainstream bullshit. Fuck those bitches.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Fallout 3? THAT'S AN INSULT TO RPGS.

Killer Ink: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Epic, sure. Like Michael Bay.

funny_bunny: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King...WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN TO PAT??? THAT FIEND.

Lavie Rhap: I was interested in Fallout 3 but at the same time quite wary. By the time I paid attention to it again, it had been released for a month. All in all, a lukewarm experience.

nde: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

prettyprophet: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Man, Hayter, you must have been pissed to deal with all that shit.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots sucked because it was an over-indulgent by-the-numbers wrap-up. Art? Fuck you. Oh ok, let us make some fifteen minute cutscenes of silted action where nothing really happens and when stuff does happen you feel so goddamn impotent, not because you're a decrepit geezer, but because the game just won't let you put a bullet in Ocelot's head since he has to keep talking and make stupid gestures. We had a feeling all this would happen and lo, it fucking did. Were any of us surprised? Hey, the ending sure was a surprise. They found a way to drag it out even longer and that was UNCANNY. Bravo.

++++++

Most Disappointing Game That Sucker Punched Us in the Solar Plexus

edthefucker: None. It's all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice. MAO CANNOT COMPARE TO LAHARL. And I hate his glasses!

Killer Ink: Baroque. Too clumsy.

funny_bunny: Dokapon Kingdom: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DESTROY FRIENDSHIPS. BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOW. Destroyed patience!

Lavie Rhap: I'd have to say Spore due to how simplistic everything before the space era felt. Things also become monotonous rather quickly if one does not develop non-in-game goals.

nde: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney. I wasn't really surprised though.

prettyprophet: Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness. Seriously could not play it. Fuck that stylus.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Hey, none of us were expecting a new game; fighters are probably the least likely to go through any major changes. It's just that for all the delays...it wasn't enough. But it's still the group game of choice and the cutscenes in it beat the piss out of MGS4.

+++++

Most Awesome Game That We Knew Would be Awesome

edthefucker: None. It's all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: PERSONA 4.

Killer Ink: Persona 4.

funny_bunny: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....................FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES: RING OF FATES.

Lavie Rhap: Personally, due to the sheer audience good-will, Persona 4 would be my choice. However, I simply cannot ignore Sins of a Solar Empire, which is my strategy, as well as overall, game of the year.

nde: I liked Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility but since there were bugs, I'm going Persona 4. But in truth, bugs were expected.

prettyprophet: Valkyria Chronicles. Yeah, I don't think I need to pimp out P4 anymore so here's to Squad 7.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Valkyria Chronicles. Whoa, what the fuck? Not P4? Nah, fuck that, it's a sequel. We're going to reward some originality here; from SEGA, thank the fucking Moon Rabbit. C'mon guys, with HotD: Overkill and a SHINING SRPG...DON'T FUCK IT UP. Anyways, Valkyria. Persona. Get both or fuck off.

++++++

Most Awesome Game That Was Totally Inconceivable

edthefucker: None. It's all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Left 4 Dead I really liked! BUT I DON'T PLAY FPS??

Killer Ink: Audiosurf. Addictive.

funny_bunny: Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core! Playing it was FUN. DIDN'T LIKE ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT BASTARD SEPHIROTH OR GACKT-FACE. Nonetheless, moi liked a FF game?? WORLD'S END IS NIGH.

Lavie Rhap: I didn't know a thing about Theresia and I'm very glad I didn't. Should be rather cheap compared to other DS titles; get it without reading any reviews!

nde: Prince of Persia. Reminds me of ICO.

prettyprophet: The World Ends With You...HOLY SHIT. A SQUARE GAME. Yeah, that's fucking right. No playa hate here, it's all about the games.



1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. To be completely honest, none of us expected this to be on par with P3. Rush-job to play off the fans. We were wrong and it made P3 look like crap. Props yo.

++++++

Blah blah, here's the usual list of awards:

Best Action: Prince of Persia
Best FPS: Left 4 Dead
Best Light-Gun: The House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return
Best Shooter: (none of us played Space Invaders Get Even yet but let's just assume it's awesome)
Best Platformer: Bionic Commando Rearmed
Best Sandbox: Yakuza 2
Best Fighter: Soul Calibur IV
Best Adventure: A Vampyre Story
Best RTS: Sins of a Solar Empire
Best RPG: Persona 4
Best Turn-based: Valkyria Chronicles
Best MMO: Shin Megami Tensei: IMAGINE (default win due to none of us playing new MMOs)
Best Racer: Need for Speed: Undercover (default win, only one all of us played; PS: it's shit)
Best Sports: Wii Fit (default win, also shit)
Best Scary Shit: Theresia
Best Rhythm: Patapon
Best Sim: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility
Best Visual Novel: (Funny: BOLLOCKS TO THAT)
Best Puzzle: Professor Layton and the Curious Village

Best Visuals: Valkyria Chronicles - Sega
Best Concept Art: Persona 4 - Shigenori Soejima <-head over to DOKUGANRYU
Best Music: Persona 4 - Shoji Meguro
Best Story: Persona 4 - Atlus
Best Portable: Newest DJ Max!
Best Co-op: Left 4 Dead - Valve
Best Co-hate: Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Nintendo
Best Zen: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility - Natume
Best Fan-translation: Eternal Punishment 2: Innocent Sin



Best Character of 2008: Persona 4's Teddie, voiced by Dave Wittenberg



Best Game of 2008: Valkyria Chronicles

++++++

And there you have it. Feel free to argue with us all you want; we probably won't listen.

*Images from Be Your True Mind, Danbooru, and Google.

Rabbit Roundtable: Eight Heart Paradise

Heart warming life simulation!

Ages ago, there was a game called Harvest Moon. It was on the SNES and it was hard as hell. Fast forward several years and we got Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, there were tons of other games in between...but we're playing this right now because no one likes playing Island of Happiness.

Chea, nde just bought it over the weekend...so naturally, I've been hogging it. I'm in summer now. They really need to add more save slots; I use only one, but nde likes to use two. Dawg, what happens if you've got a ton of housemates like ed?

Oh shit, I'm sorry, this isn't really much of a roundtable. Probably because we're all busy as hell now and don't have time for this. Instead, it's just going to be a wrap-up of the Tree of Tranquility love stories for everyone:

Lavie Rhap's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Gill or Toby
If replayed as male: Anissa

Lavie says: I finally bought a Wii thanks to nde when I expressed my desire to try out a console Harvest Moon. Sadly, we couldn't find Magical Melody or A Wonderful Life being sold for a reasonable price, so I bought Tree of Tranquility, rather than borrowing nde's copy after he and prophet were done. That was probably for the best, since the twins are very exhaustive in their game habits.

I named my character Victoria and finding a husband wasn't a priority for me until all the Rabbits demanded I start flirting. I have interest in Gill, but with his preferred gifts being gold and silver, I deemed him being too avaricious. Since Toby is a more relaxed character, he seems more suitable in the simple life of farming. But surely Gill has a degree of innocence; the Harvest Sprites chose him to aid the Goddess. I'll have to decide when I reach the Firefly Festival, as I'd rather not a repeat of seeing the Fireworks Festival alone.

Pat's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Jin (figures)
If replayed as male: None, it's all about Jin

Pat, through prophet, says: Fucking Pat. Always choosing the Asians.

ed's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Luna
If replayed as female: Julius

ed, through prophet, says: "I'm gonna break that bitch." That's ed for you. Sidenote: I don't think he's ever going to get past spring.

Funny's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Anissa
If replayed as female: Luke

funny says: I chose Anissa because she's one of the first you meet and her family's all warm and cozy to me and that's awesome. They have a farm too! So good family life. Also she is elfin.

prophet: Elfin?

funny: Like, her hair, her clothes...elfin! Not ears though.

prophet: It's mind-boggling, but you seem to actually have rational reasons for liking Anissa. How far-out.

nde's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Phoebe
If replayed as female: Jin

nde says: I haven't met Phoebe yet. I think I'll choose her.

prophet's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Probably Renee
If replayed as female: Dunno

prophet says: I seriously can't decide. Now, I started this as a guy, mainly because I was under impression if you go girl, you get fucked over at marriage and subsequent pregnancy, like literally. Have a kid, game ends, rah rah Japanese mindset, right? Well, apparently the game still goes on, even if you're a bird with chick. Thank the fucking Moon Rabbit for that. That's how it should be; think kids will stop a lady-farmer? Hell no. They raised those kids from dinks to doctors, all the while planting crops and shearing sheep. Course, I found out about the whole 'being a girl doesn't suck in this game' deal AFTER I finished a season. Like hell I'm starting over now when I could just have a daughter.

Now, on love. I'm thinking Renee but I've still got other options like Anissa and Selena. Anissa's the most blatant choice, given the whole family familiarity thing...which is why Funbuns chose her. Probably won't pick Anissa since he's already got that. Selena...I liked her little character story. Thought she was just an angsty runaway from a broken home? Nah, none of that shit here. Still, it was TOO little of a character story, plus Selena doesn't seem like the type to fit well in a farm environment. Bet she'll sleep around too (funny: Oh absolutely! Just look at that provocative dress and saucy temperament!).

So Renee. To me, she's like the Ellen of the first Harvest Moon. In fact, that's what she may as well be. Damn these Harvest Moon stock types. But she makes sense. Her family's the animal place and Ellen has a cute intro. Had more impact on me than the others. Oh god what the fuck am I saying?

Patty: Fufufufufu, now you're one of us!

funny: DARK SIDE.

prophet: Shut it.

Now Tree of Tranquility ain't perfect, obviously. Might seem like we're all going ga-ga over it but I got a lot of beef to fry. To start, we have some people we would just love to romance, but they're not on the list: Bo and Elli. Bo for Booberella and Elli for anyone who has a maid fetish (yeah, I know Maya kinda covers the maid thing with that waitress uniform, but that's still just a waitress uniform). Man, if only there was easy-to-use mod tools...

Speaking of mods, GLITCHES. nde and me, we've had no fuck-ups so far, but hilariously, whenever Booberella tries to play Lavie's, it stalls. It's like the game hates her or something, which is terrible, because now Booberella won't ever get to experience the latest-gen Harvest Moon. Anyways, Natsume = glitches, this isn't new, but what the hell we shouldn't be used to this.

Motion controls are shit in Tree of Tranquility? Don't know, none of us use that. Classic baby.

I personally wish we had an item organizer; maybe we do but fuck manuals. I'm pretty sure no one else reads them either, except Lavie. I probably should have, since I fucked up my first seed planting because I thought it was still 3x3 tiles instead of 1x6. Damn, that was lost profit.

Maybe it's just the Rabbits, but it seems barely any of us actually farm. nde mines, Funbuns fishes, Pat...I don't know. I have a preference for mining too, since I want to gold up all my tools. Lavie farms because she's a straight-laced cunt with no zest for life. Cooking food for townspeople in the kitchen, keeping the women rights movement down, that's what she's doing.

Ink is a cockbite motherfucker who won't play Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, he doesn't have a Wii but neither did Lavie and she got it like THAT. Fuck Ink.

Also, the Thousand Rabbits here have a tendency to destroy any sort of innocence or seriousness any game has. In Twilight Princess, all we could talk about was how Midna x Wolf Link porn (NSFW, surprise surprise) would implode the internet (PS: you can thank Pat for that link). Here, we've got ed and funbuns talking about the sex lives of all the adults (Elli as Hamilton's slave, Sue and Samson making up through rough sex), Pat dreaming of hard Pascal x Main Character action, and me trying to figure out what drove the developers to include Luna, who is pure lolipop. Oh wait, that just answered my question, didn't it?

Homies, if only we weren't waist-deep in manhua and doujinshi...we should do Harvest Moon.

funny edit: Ohohoho, should we now?

Anyways, the Rabbits are overall happy with Tree of Tranquility. Lavie and Funbuns love it, Pat loves it but she'll lose interest soon, probably when Eternal Sonata reenters orbit, ed and Ink don't care, while nde plays it regardless. Myself? Yeah, I like it. It's relaxing fun with more goal-oriented zen. It's no great leap forward over the other games in the series...but hey, would you really want it to be?