Rabbit Roundtable: Persona 4 - Find Your True Pairing

"Heartbeat, Heartbeat, it keeps on pounding
Heartbreak, Heartbreak, you tell me goodbye
Heartbeat, Heartbeat, it keeps on pounding
Heartbreak, Heartbreak, you tell me goodbye"

We need some more girl protagonists, yo. MASSIVE SPOILERS INSIDE.

Wassup kids, it's Prophet and I am here to finally give you our thoughts on Persona 4. "Whoa, you guys are fucking late to the party. Half-assed Megaten fans you are." First of all, fuck you. As Ed says, "Any Megaten fan that likes Persona is a fake bitch." Therefore, none of us are really Megaten fans at all. Second of all, fuck Ed. The only reason it's taken this long for us (as in, me) to write anything is because we never would have written anything. What can we say? It's Persona 4, it's better than Persona 3 in...lots of levels, and I hope the next Megaten they're doing is part of the core series.

However, because I'm trying to avoid work (both school and Rabbit stuff) I'm going to personally write up some things. Expect random bits of input from random bits of Rabbits (the ones that cleared the game, that is). If for some reason the MASSIVE SPOILERS/TRUE ENDING tag hasn't scared you off and you haven't beat P4 yet...GET THE FUCK OUT.



They're gone? Alright, let's set this off:

Love. That's what we're going to talk about. To be precise...TRUE LOVE. As in, TRUE PAIRINGS. I know, this is kinda obsessive, this thing we have...but pairing people up is just NECESSARY. Don't ask why. But I'm not talking bullshit fan-fantasy pairings, like Koromaru and what's-her-face-teacher-Hermit-arcana. I'm talking actual "this is how it may as well be" ones. P3 was more rigid in this: obviously it was Yukari the Protagonist was supposed to go for; yeah, yeah, everyone fell in love with Mitsuru and Aigis but canon-wise, it's clearly Yukari. P4? Not so much...which is A LOT more fan-fantasy friendly and leaves it to your imagination. That said, I felt P4 was weaker on terms of "let's have a happy couple relationship" not because the Protagonist didn't click with X girl...but because there was someone BETTER for her to be with. Sidenote: we're ignoring most of the secondary characters for sake of focusing on the main ones. Anyways, we're going to get back to me and start off with nde:

nde's Perspective

Hetero
Chie and Yosuke: They meshed well.
Yukiko and Teddie: He'll be taken care of.
Naoto and Kanji: Fitting.
Rise and Protagonist: I ended up choosing this path.

Homo
Teddie and Protagonist: Blatant.

[prophet sez: He actually has some VERY risque things to add as well but he's a coward so he won't say it here. Funny will probably get to it.]



Lavie Rhap's Perspective

For the heterosexual relationships, I felt that the lack of a major plot point involving romances was a detriment, on terms of having a 'love story'. Persona 3's Yukari and Aigis especially stand out; Elizabeth's departure from the Velvet Room also stays with me. Persona 4 was more friendship-based, so I found it difficult to imagine 'proper' romances. Perhaps it was only me, but I saw much of our own interactions; to inexpertly shove a hackneyed 'epic' romance into Persona 4 would be folly. These are only teenagers, after all, within a period spanning one year. But since I am being pressed to provide my own interpretations on what may as well have occurred...

Naoto and Kanji are the most obvious of the pairings and provides the most humorous speculations of what may happen next in such a relationship. Yosuke and Chie's love-hate bickering was most enjoyable; I was reminded of Prophet and Ed (sorry, Pat!). Everything else is...rather open. I personally chose Ai to be with the main character; after all, who doesn't want to express their true self? Blending one's own experiences with gaming do make for a more interesting time. Now, while I can understand the undercurrent of homosexuality, only in Kanji's case does it become pronounced. As I've stated before, friendship takes priority over romance in Persona 4.



Kawaii Pattycakes' Perspective

[prophet sez: She doesn't get anything because she loves them all. ALL (with emphasis on Teddie and the Protagonist). So we'll let Funny handle this too, because as rambling as he can be, I'll make him be brief.

Oh, and she chose Naoto. "Because she's the closest to bish." Go figure.]



edthefucker's Perspective

That cousin and that uncle, where's the hentai for that shit? FUCKIN' A. [prophet/Pat/funny sez: DIE.]



Killer Ink's Perspective

I haven't played it. I'm not going to. [prophet/Pat/funny sez: LOSER.]



funny_bunny's Perspective

I wholeheartedly agree with nde! On the straight dealies, that is. Permit me to elaborate! Ok, see, Rise and the Protagonist are PERFECT for each other because they'll meet again MUCH easier! Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what of the star-crossed love of a STAR and a COMMONER? But of course, the TRUE LOVE is that between the Protagonist and...IZANAMI.

Fufufu, but can I neglect the HOMOEROTIC FUN? Nay, I shant...for I declare: ALL MALE SOCIAL LINKS ARE FILLED WITH SEXY.



prettyprophet's Perspective

The Protagonist of P4 is a total player. That said, my view on all this is more or less a mix of everyone else's views. Even though the 'love' deal is a pretty big part of this game, it's not; friendship, motherfuckers. Out of everyone, there is no 'this is our destiny' sorta shit. There's just a whole lotta implied and 'up-to-your-imagination'. I'm still going to put P4 above P3 because P3 played more to the stock types: Yukari = normal girl, Mitsuru = regal girl, Fuuka = gentle girl, Aigis = robot girl. Like, face it, P3's social links were all, "The fuck am I doing talking to this guy?" P4 got around this by having fewer non-essentials (Death link I'm not convinced on) and my personal favorite link, the Hanged Man. It wasn't just some random person; Naoki was and will be affected by you, the player. Now I'm not saying the P4 characters weren't all types...but we were technically getting two characters for every one: shadows, yo. Look at Kanji: he's a tough guy and a softie. Or Sayoko, crazy pervert nurse that's actually dedicated to her work. See? I'm not going to declare this the most realistic game since...Cho Aniki, but the characters are at least more believable. I will say this though: this is NOT the second coming of Christ for videogame characters. Just because they have shadow sides doesn't make P4 the equivalent of Godfather; hell, it's not even Fight Club. People have more than just a shadow. A lot more. Remember that shit.



All in all, I was very happy with P4 and I would seriously like to see doujinshi for every single pairing. Again, no bullshit pairings, just actual, 'this is what may as well have happened' pairings, like the Protagonist with...practically everyone. I will disagree with nde, Lavie, Pat, Funny...Chie and Yosuke don't work. Friends yeah, sexing each other up? I can't see it. Besides, we all know that Yosuke's had that thing for Saki, even if she never would've reciprocated. Naoto and Kanji are a given. But Lavie's right, it's all so open. And for the gay POV? Trojan finally got far enough to say something and here are his words of wisdom: "Hey, you know I love Ted...and Daisuke and Kou? Threesome time! But I liked the one with Naoki best. That was pretty sweet." Word up. I don't feel the sexual myself in that one, but I can understand it.

I ended up pairing together Yukiko and the Protagonist because...well, I got to see Naoto's and Rise's thanks to Pat and Funny. No one was doing Yukiko, so I was like, what the fuck, she's cool. I think she's the only girl character where the Protagonist actually gets to spend time alone with in story-related cutscenes...ok, maybe I'm mixing it up with social links, but I figure these two have the most potential for a long-term relationship. But ultimately...I'm going to have to go with Funny and restate the Protagonist x Izanami connection. Well...that's kinda TOO poetic, so fuck it.



So there, that's how we feel about a good number of the P4 relationships. I know, we didn't touch on everything. GO YELL ABOUT IT ON OUR FORUMS AKA THE REVOLUTION. Hey Atlus, next Persona, give us girl protagonists! Don't you think it's our turn to shop for some love? BRING ON THE BOYS.









All images from BE YOUR TRUE MIND.

Rabbit Roundtable: What about WALL-E?

Verdict: What-a-pile-of-rubbish-only-white-people-could-think-of-fuck-them-all.

prettyprophet: Hoho, just fucking around. We're not THAT much of snobs. Well, I'm not.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm downloading WALL-E WALLPAPERS right THIS VERY MOMENT.

funny_bunny: Send when done!

prettyprophet: If you haven't guessed, WALL-E pretty much charmed the pants off everyone. But I think that's because we all saw it in Trojan's theater of a basement with a new plasma TV, Blu-ray, and surround sound.

Killer Ink: And people were drunk.

prettyprophet: Yes they fucking were. It wasn't piss-drunk or anything, it was a good time.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I was drunk. And it was a very good time.

funny_bunny: I wasn't drunk. And it was an EVEN GOODER TIME.

prettyprophet: You've never been drunk. You're just...something.

funny_bunny: I touched nde's inner thigh.

prettyprophet: So yeah, Trojan comes up to us all excited and he's like, "WALL-E. Blu-ray. New TV. Check it." We're all, "Oh, plasma, sweet. And WALL-E you say? I haven't seen it yet!" And Funbuns just gets all wide-eyed and he goes, "Can I use your Blu-ray burner?"

funny_bunny: I want to MAXIMIZE THE POWER OF THE PS3.

Killer Ink: The only reason why 'Blu-ray' is amazing to Funny is because no one has a Blu-ray burner yet. But now Whopper has one. He got WALL-E for Trojan.

prettyprophet: Wasn't for free though. Then again, Trojan insisted on paying Whopper so what the hell.

funny_bunny: Now FUNNY will look terrible if he does not pay for goods and services!

Killer Ink: You never pay anyways.

funny_bunny: I paid for everyone's lunch once!

prettyprophet: Yeah, you paid for everyone when everyone was just you and nde. If another one of us were there, THEN it'd count as everyone.

funny_bunny: I stand by my statement.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I sit on your face.

funny_bunny: Fufufufu.

prettyprophet: Anyways, since this is like, the only movie EVERYONE fucking watched together, thoughts?

Kawaii Pattycakes: Sugoi!

Killer Ink: Entertaining.

funny_bunny: SUBLIME.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I'll say it's magic too. nde, talk.

nde: It was good.

prettyprophet: I know Lavie liked it...and Ed, he fucking loved it.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Uh huh, he's got the OST in his car!

prettyprophet: Course, since he's a dick, first thing he says once the credits hit: "OH MY GOD, FUCK PETER GABRIEL THAT FAGGOT."

Killer Ink: He was more vocal on the environmentalist issue, however.

prettyprophet: Oh yeah, after when we're all just chillaxing, all Ed would talk about was "how fucking shit the movie was and it was all just bullshit fear-mongering by douche-sniffing liberals". But we all know he jerks it to EVE.

Kawaii Pattycakes: He has it on BLU-RAY TOO NOW.

funny_bunny: Wait wait wait wait, Ed has burner now??

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dunno!

prettyprophet: Ok, more thoughts. Um, fuck Nick and Nora, THIS is the shit.

funny_bunny: Fuck Slumdogs!

prettyprophet: Yeah Lavie, chew on that. Slumdogs GOT NOTHIN'. Let the Right One In? INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE BIN.

Killer Ink: This is what happens whenever other Rabbits aren't around.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We sneeze lots!

prettyprophet: Thanks to Ed and me. We talk so much shit. Ok, Ed talks shit, I just talk anecdotes. And Funbuns talks lies. And Pat talks sexual fantasy pairings.

funny_bunny: So what's everyone's fav part? NO SPOILERS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dancing!

Killer Ink: Also sprach Zarathustra.

nde: Love.

prettyprophet: Thomas fucking Newman. And 'Wanted' signs.

And Lavie says hers is M-O and WALL-E's handshake. Ed's is the trapped robot in space. And I'm not gonna do the rest of the Rabbits because fuck the rest of you.

funny_bunny: EVERYTHING. Especially SLO-MO.

prettyprophet: Explosions are cool.

funny_bunny: EVE is so beautiful.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'm writing WALL-E fic now!

funny_bunny: SEND THE WALL-E WALLIES.

prettyprophet: Ugh. Hey, is it just me listening to oldies hardcore now? Fucking Fallout.

Killer Ink: It's nostalgia affecting your sensibilities.

prettyprophet: Definitely, since I lived through the 40s in America, listening to The Ink Spots and breaking down racial barriers. Fuck you.

funny_bunny: Psssssssssst guys, prophet's growing a small penis and dying her hair red and being a SADIST.

prettyprophet: Hey, someone's gotta be the Ed when Ed's not around.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, I just bought it on BLU-RAY.

Killer Ink: Weren't you going to have Whopper get you a copy?

funny_bunny: TWO DISCS! And I got GOTH'S CAGE while at it!

Kawaii Pattycakes: Oh, maybe I'll do that too! No wait, I WILL!

prettyprophet: Stop, just stop fucking spending money. Actually no, Pat, you stop, funny you keep spending. And give me WALL-E after.

Killer Ink: Blu-ray, prophet.

prettyprophet: Son of a buddha. Alright, time to snag a PS3. nde, get a card, I'm maxed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: YASUSHI SUZUKI!

funny_bunny: Let's get sushi!

Killer Ink: We've drifted.

prettyprophet: Word, anyways, WALL-E. Watch that shit because it is fantastic and heart-warming. We think it may even have caused romantic stirrings between nde and Lavie. So, as the PR Rabbit, I ORDER YOU TO WATCH.

funny_bunny: I WANT TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE.

prettyprophet: Whoa, simmer down, Heath.

Rabbit Roundtable: Eight Heart Paradise

Heart warming life simulation!

Ages ago, there was a game called Harvest Moon. It was on the SNES and it was hard as hell. Fast forward several years and we got Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, there were tons of other games in between...but we're playing this right now because no one likes playing Island of Happiness.

Chea, nde just bought it over the weekend...so naturally, I've been hogging it. I'm in summer now. They really need to add more save slots; I use only one, but nde likes to use two. Dawg, what happens if you've got a ton of housemates like ed?

Oh shit, I'm sorry, this isn't really much of a roundtable. Probably because we're all busy as hell now and don't have time for this. Instead, it's just going to be a wrap-up of the Tree of Tranquility love stories for everyone:

Lavie Rhap's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Gill or Toby
If replayed as male: Anissa

Lavie says: I finally bought a Wii thanks to nde when I expressed my desire to try out a console Harvest Moon. Sadly, we couldn't find Magical Melody or A Wonderful Life being sold for a reasonable price, so I bought Tree of Tranquility, rather than borrowing nde's copy after he and prophet were done. That was probably for the best, since the twins are very exhaustive in their game habits.

I named my character Victoria and finding a husband wasn't a priority for me until all the Rabbits demanded I start flirting. I have interest in Gill, but with his preferred gifts being gold and silver, I deemed him being too avaricious. Since Toby is a more relaxed character, he seems more suitable in the simple life of farming. But surely Gill has a degree of innocence; the Harvest Sprites chose him to aid the Goddess. I'll have to decide when I reach the Firefly Festival, as I'd rather not a repeat of seeing the Fireworks Festival alone.

Pat's Story
Sex: Female
Choices as of this date: Jin (figures)
If replayed as male: None, it's all about Jin

Pat, through prophet, says: Fucking Pat. Always choosing the Asians.

ed's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Luna
If replayed as female: Julius

ed, through prophet, says: "I'm gonna break that bitch." That's ed for you. Sidenote: I don't think he's ever going to get past spring.

Funny's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Anissa
If replayed as female: Luke

funny says: I chose Anissa because she's one of the first you meet and her family's all warm and cozy to me and that's awesome. They have a farm too! So good family life. Also she is elfin.

prophet: Elfin?

funny: Like, her hair, her clothes...elfin! Not ears though.

prophet: It's mind-boggling, but you seem to actually have rational reasons for liking Anissa. How far-out.

nde's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Phoebe
If replayed as female: Jin

nde says: I haven't met Phoebe yet. I think I'll choose her.

prophet's Story
Sex: Male
Choices as of this date: Probably Renee
If replayed as female: Dunno

prophet says: I seriously can't decide. Now, I started this as a guy, mainly because I was under impression if you go girl, you get fucked over at marriage and subsequent pregnancy, like literally. Have a kid, game ends, rah rah Japanese mindset, right? Well, apparently the game still goes on, even if you're a bird with chick. Thank the fucking Moon Rabbit for that. That's how it should be; think kids will stop a lady-farmer? Hell no. They raised those kids from dinks to doctors, all the while planting crops and shearing sheep. Course, I found out about the whole 'being a girl doesn't suck in this game' deal AFTER I finished a season. Like hell I'm starting over now when I could just have a daughter.

Now, on love. I'm thinking Renee but I've still got other options like Anissa and Selena. Anissa's the most blatant choice, given the whole family familiarity thing...which is why Funbuns chose her. Probably won't pick Anissa since he's already got that. Selena...I liked her little character story. Thought she was just an angsty runaway from a broken home? Nah, none of that shit here. Still, it was TOO little of a character story, plus Selena doesn't seem like the type to fit well in a farm environment. Bet she'll sleep around too (funny: Oh absolutely! Just look at that provocative dress and saucy temperament!).

So Renee. To me, she's like the Ellen of the first Harvest Moon. In fact, that's what she may as well be. Damn these Harvest Moon stock types. But she makes sense. Her family's the animal place and Ellen has a cute intro. Had more impact on me than the others. Oh god what the fuck am I saying?

Patty: Fufufufufu, now you're one of us!

funny: DARK SIDE.

prophet: Shut it.

Now Tree of Tranquility ain't perfect, obviously. Might seem like we're all going ga-ga over it but I got a lot of beef to fry. To start, we have some people we would just love to romance, but they're not on the list: Bo and Elli. Bo for Booberella and Elli for anyone who has a maid fetish (yeah, I know Maya kinda covers the maid thing with that waitress uniform, but that's still just a waitress uniform). Man, if only there was easy-to-use mod tools...

Speaking of mods, GLITCHES. nde and me, we've had no fuck-ups so far, but hilariously, whenever Booberella tries to play Lavie's, it stalls. It's like the game hates her or something, which is terrible, because now Booberella won't ever get to experience the latest-gen Harvest Moon. Anyways, Natsume = glitches, this isn't new, but what the hell we shouldn't be used to this.

Motion controls are shit in Tree of Tranquility? Don't know, none of us use that. Classic baby.

I personally wish we had an item organizer; maybe we do but fuck manuals. I'm pretty sure no one else reads them either, except Lavie. I probably should have, since I fucked up my first seed planting because I thought it was still 3x3 tiles instead of 1x6. Damn, that was lost profit.

Maybe it's just the Rabbits, but it seems barely any of us actually farm. nde mines, Funbuns fishes, Pat...I don't know. I have a preference for mining too, since I want to gold up all my tools. Lavie farms because she's a straight-laced cunt with no zest for life. Cooking food for townspeople in the kitchen, keeping the women rights movement down, that's what she's doing.

Ink is a cockbite motherfucker who won't play Tree of Tranquility. Oh sure, he doesn't have a Wii but neither did Lavie and she got it like THAT. Fuck Ink.

Also, the Thousand Rabbits here have a tendency to destroy any sort of innocence or seriousness any game has. In Twilight Princess, all we could talk about was how Midna x Wolf Link porn (NSFW, surprise surprise) would implode the internet (PS: you can thank Pat for that link). Here, we've got ed and funbuns talking about the sex lives of all the adults (Elli as Hamilton's slave, Sue and Samson making up through rough sex), Pat dreaming of hard Pascal x Main Character action, and me trying to figure out what drove the developers to include Luna, who is pure lolipop. Oh wait, that just answered my question, didn't it?

Homies, if only we weren't waist-deep in manhua and doujinshi...we should do Harvest Moon.

funny edit: Ohohoho, should we now?

Anyways, the Rabbits are overall happy with Tree of Tranquility. Lavie and Funbuns love it, Pat loves it but she'll lose interest soon, probably when Eternal Sonata reenters orbit, ed and Ink don't care, while nde plays it regardless. Myself? Yeah, I like it. It's relaxing fun with more goal-oriented zen. It's no great leap forward over the other games in the series...but hey, would you really want it to be?