Rabbit Roundtable: Biased Motherfuckers (Part I – Game Edition)

Gaming in hard sex mode.

prettyprophet: We figured since we've done enough of these 'reviews', 'roundtables', and whatever, it's about time for us to tell everyone our basic biases and preferred genres through lists, because, you know, lists REALLY tell you everything you need to know about a person, right? This first one only applies to GAMES though; it's the only thing all of the Thousand Rabbits are actually interested in together. Yeah, I know, movies, comics, books...but those tend to get pretty specific. Anyways, now you can pick whoever to read and ignore all those other cunts.

Something you should remember though:

Lavie Rhap usually does 'purchase guides'. Basically she's just talking about whether or not it's a good buy.

prettyprophet, aka me, usually does 'roundtables'. I either sit down with a couple of the others and we talk about whatever.....or I just get random thoughts from everyone and stitch a post together from that. Kinda like this one.

funny_bunny usually does...something. Sometimes he'll do straight-up reviews, sometimes he'll do nonsensical writings. We have no fucking clue.

...While nde, Pat, Ed and Ink don't write anything.

Anyways, here:

prettyprophet
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: No clue
Has: Atari, NES, GB, SNES, Genesis, Game Gear, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: DC
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: Phoenix Wright series (Ace Attorney)
Action-Adventure: Shadow of the Colossus
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Almost anything by Valve (Half-Life 2)
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Total War series (Medieval II)
RPG: Baldur's Gate series (Baldur's Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Let Us Cling Together)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None (default Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine)
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Whatever's recent, Tree of Tranquility)
Puzzle: Bomberman series (64: The Second Attack)
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever's recent)
Sports: Whatever new and decent soccer game comes out
Visual Novel: Crescendo
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Shoji Meguro (Megaten)
Art: Hyung-tae Kim (War of Genesis, Magna Carta)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



prettyprophet: Sonic 2 was the first co-op game I played, Starcraft is the lifeline of any Asian who plays games, and Megaten, FUCK YES.

nde
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Anything Prophet has (owns most of them)
Preferred system: PS2
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: The Longest Journey
Action-Adventure: ICO
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Breakdown
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Romance of the Three Kingdoms series (ROTK XI)
RPG: Baldur's Gate series (Baldur's Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Knights of Lodis)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (A Wonderful Life)
Puzzle: Tetris (GB)
Rhythm: DJ Max series (DJ Max Portable 2)
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever's recent)
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Ko Otani (Shadow of the Colossus)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



nde: My interests are similar to Prophet's.

Lavie Rhap
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Genesis, GBA, DC, DS, Wii, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: Anything with historical background
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Mario series (Super Mario 3)
Adventure: The past glory of Lucasarts
Action-Adventure: Zelda series (Link's Awakening)
Fighter: The Last Blade series (The Last Blade 2)
Shooter: Karous
Light-gun: Time Crisis series (Time Crisis 2)
FPS: Halo series (Halo)
RTS: C&C (Red Alert 2)
TBS: Total War series (Rome)
RPG: Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura
JRPG: Shadow Hearts series (Shadow Hearts: Covenant)
SRPG: Valkyria Chronicles
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Friends of Mineral Town)
Puzzle: Brain Age
Rhythm: Guitar Hero series (first one)
Racing: None
Sports: Wii Sports
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: Trauma Center: New Blood
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Yasunori Mitsuda (Chrono Cross, Xenogears)
Art: Range Murata (Spy Fiction, Power Instinct)
Story: Grim Fandango
Most beloved: Grim Fandango, Rome: Total War, Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town



Lavie Rhap: I actually don't play games all that much; I must admit that my tastes have been somewhat shaped by Prophet, Pat, and nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes
Will play: Anything that's Asian
Will enjoy: Anything that's Asian
Has: NES, GB, SNES, GBC, Genesis, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, GC, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: Asian ones
Preferred genre: JRPG
Hated genre: RPG
Platformer: Castlevania series (Symphony of the Night)
Adventure: Trace Memory
Action-Adventure: Ys series (Eternal)
Fighter: Super Smash (BRAWL)
Shooter: Rez
Light-gun: Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles
FPS: Dark Messiah aka Hellnight
RTS: GrimGrimoire
TBS: THAT'S THE SAME AS TACTICS...so I'll say Front Mission!
RPG: NOTHING...Sudeki!
JRPG: Megaten - Persona line (Persona 4)
SRPG: Anything from Nippon Ichi (Disgaea)
Scary: Fatal Frame series (Crimson Butterfly)
MMO: None (default Silkroad)
Sim: Harvest Moon series - Rune Factory line (Rune Factory)
Puzzle: Professor Layton (Curious Village)
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Initial D: Street Stage
Sports: Any Prince of Tennis
Visual Novel: ANY WITH BEAUTIFUL BOYS
Co-op: Super Smash (Brawl)
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Hitoshi Sakimoto (FFXII, Valkyria Chronicles)
Art: Shigenori Soejima (Stella Deus, Trauma Center: New Blood, Persona 4)
Story: Megaten (Persona 4)
Most beloved: Ys: I&II Eternal, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly



Kawaii Pattycakes: I dunno what to say! Games make everything happy!

edthefucker
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Nothing
Has: NES, GB, N64, DC, PS2, DS, 360, PS3, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: FPS
Hated genre: Most RPGs and JRPGs
Platformer: Contra III
Adventure: None
Action-Adventure: X-Men Legends II
Fighter: Super Smash (N64)
Shooter: Cho Aniki
Light-gun: House of the Dead III (arcade only)
FPS: Quake III
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: Advance Wars (Dual Strike)
RPG: Diablo series (newest)
JRPG: Megaten (but not really)
SRPG: None
Scary: None (they aren't scary)
MMO: Silkroad
Sim: Cooking Mama
Puzzle: Big Brain Academy
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Cruis'n USA
Sports: Any NBA Street
Visual Novel: Name the most fucked up one you've seen
Co-op: Silk
Co-hate: Silk
Music: Silk
Art: Silk
Story: Silk
Most beloved: Silk



edthefucker: Silk, bitches.

Killer Ink
Will play: Stuff that has a distinct visual style
Will enjoy: Things that he can interpret
Has: PS2, PC
Preferred system: None
Preferred genre: ???
Hated genre: Sports
Platformer: Odin Sphere
Adventure: ICO
Action-Adventure: Okami
Fighter: None
Shooter: Ikaruga
Light-gun: None
FPS: killer7
RTS: None
TBS: None
RPG: None
JRPG: Megaten - Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: None
Scary: The Lost Crown
MMO: None
Sim: Spore
Puzzle: None
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: None
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: None
Co-hate: None
Music: Masafumi Takada (killer7, No More Heroes)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: ICO
Most beloved: ICO, No More Heroes, Okami



Killer Ink: As long as I want to look at it.

funny_bunny
Will play: Indeterminable
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Atari, NES, GB, Game Gear, N64, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: ALL
Preferred genre: ALL
Hated genre: ALL...especially VISUAL NOVELS
Platformer: Metal Slug series (ALL)
Adventure: Sam & Max (Hit the Road)
Action-Adventure: Disaster Report series (first one!)
Fighter: Capcom vs. SNK 2
Shooter: The Super Dimension Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love?
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Oblivion
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: TOTAL WAR
RPG: Planescape: Torment
JRPG: MEGATEN
SRPG: BRING BACK THE SHINING
Scary: Rule of Rose
MMO:Granado Espada
Sim: Persona 4
Puzzle: DJ Max Portable 2
Rhythm: Saints Row 2
Racing: Ridge Racer PSP
Sports: THE IDOLM@STER: Missing Moon
Visual Novel: NEVER
Co-op: Left 4 Dead
Co-hate: BRAWL
Music: Shoji Meguro (MEGATEN)
Art: YOU ASK TOO MUCH [prophet edit: hey, fuck you. Even Pat had to choose.]
Story: Etrian Odyssey II: Heroes of Lagaard
Most beloved: Shin Megami Tensei, Shin Megami Tensei II, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne



funny_bunny: BE YOUR TRUE GAME.

++++++++

prettyprophet: And that's us. Course, these lists are prone to change at any given time, so.....yeah, have fun figuring that out.



Images from Be Your True Mind, Hyung-taekim.org, and Google. Sorry about the lack of Western artists; these were just easier to find.

Porn: Not Funny; 'Tis Vile #1

"iTunes may not be able to connect with Yahoo! or Google. Make sure you are connected to the Internet, and that you’ve entered the correct ID and password in iTunes. Connect iPhone to your computer, click the Info tab in iTunes, click Configure in the Contacts section, then enter your current ID and password."

Porn: Not Funny; 'Tis Vile #1

prettyprophet: In light of all this brouhaha on rape and porn and all that good stuff, we decided it would be best to make light. And by "we" I mean "me" because......well I don't feel like waiting half a year for Funny to draw whatever. Besides, this is more than adequate, right?

Kawaii Pattycakes: I want to say stuff but Prophet won't let me!

prettyprophet: Because you're a very poor representation of the rational game-playing, anime-watching community. Hell, you're probably one of the worst.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Smut has not made me a bad person.

prettyprophet: Whenever Pat's drunk, she tries to rape nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Hey!

prettyprophet: Oh, by that I mean she's not actually drunk but she uses that as an excuse to cop a feel. You fucking predator.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I'd use sad emoticons but you won't let me do that too.

prettyprophet: Yeah, my fist is pretty iron.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Tentacles! Tentacle yaoi...

prettyprophet: Tentacles.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Why's this 1000 Rabbits? It was all you!

prettyprophet: Because I asked Funny to do the old man's dialogue. And the tentacle was Ed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: When are we doing more yaoi...............

prettyprophet: Funny showed me the doujinshi.

Kawaii Pattycakes: IT'S HERE!?!

prettyprophet: Go talk to him. Probably being scanned yo, so you ain't getting your hands on them yet.

Kawaii Pattycakes: They're being scanned.......and BENT....BAWWWWW.....

prettyprophet: Scanlation, ugly, sexy business.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Byebye! We're going out for pho!

prettyprophet: Rabbits bringing you liberty, lunacy, and love.

Rabbit Rant: Sexuality and Scanlating P-FOREST's [Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield]

Sorry kids, get the hell out. Mom is FUCKING PISSED. Featuring Valkyria Chronicles spoilers!

Prophet here. If you're Valkyria Chronicles fan (and you ALL are, right?) you may have been looking around for Valkyria doujinshi. If you're a guy Valkyria fan, you may have been looking for Valkyria hentai doujinshi. Probably featuring Ms. Selvaria Bles. Yeah, we pre-empted that shit. Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield, by P-FOREST, Selvaria x Maximilian, presented by the Randy fucking Rabbit. Ok, to be honest, I just asked Pat to find me any Valkyria doujinshi of any kind and this was the first thing she got. I wish we got it out earlier but hey, we were busy.

So we released that. Big deal, we release all sorts of shit all the time; anyone want more "fluid"? Go back a few days. We released this doujinshi. In that post, Peking Duck, who is a "normal" person compared to the rest of us, was confused by my personal stance on pornography. We argued a bit for the sake of the post. What wasn't included was our argument after.

For the record, I am totally neutral towards it. "Moral decadence", "think of the children", blah blah blah.....face it, sex is like any other aspect of life. It's pretty important but don't dwell on it, alright? Lonely college student, bored husband, experimenting couples, maybe this can assist in getting your rocks off. People who collect and catalog by actresses/actors/year/genres? That's creepy; but I can't even fucking say that because I KNOW people who do that and......ok, SOME of them are fucked up (hey Nate, what's up?)

But back to Peking Duck. She says to me (in reference to DDT's Ouverture), "Prophet, why are we bothering with porn? Let's just go downtown." I explain that it wasn't for us, at least not in the sexual gratification sense (well, I'm not going to pry to lives of our Rabbit boys). I didn't really push for Ouverture since it was already being done when I found out; I encouraged it because I wanted our own scans to be used. But we found understanding in Ouverture since it had Dark Saber dominating the hell out of Shirou. "Ah, your feminist agenda." says Duck. "Fuck you." says I. Note: do not call me a feminist because I have no fucking clue what one is. I took a Fem-Lit class once, with nde, who is my brother. He passed with an A. I, a girl, nearly failed with a D. I am still confused about it. Anyways.

"My agenda," I say to Duck, "is to have stronger women." Now that's a very general statement; how are we going to make them stronger? I don't know, it depends on the situation. Duck asks, "How the hell have you been doing that?" The example I chose was Valkyria "Off" the Battlefield.

To begin with, I pushed for Valkyria because I wanted to be the first group to get a translated Valkyria doujinshi out. That was it. Everything else just happened to work in my favor. It was translated by ak (see his blog that has actual intellectual discussion). Script primarily edited by me, with minor changes here and there by nde. Oh, I should mention that this weirds Duck out so much. I guess that makes sense but it's not like we care, so whatever.

Now, let's compare what changed from ak's script and the final product:



The title is wordplay off the Japanese name for Valkyria: Valkyria of the Battlefield: Gallian Chronicles. Add a 'f' to 'of' and there you go. I'm not sure if this was thanks to ak or actual English know-how on part of circle P-FOREST. Here, Selvaria's subtlety (relatively) sexualized. She's got that sassy back-turn, her breasts have emphasis, hair and clothes caught in the wind, bit of revealed arms, and there's a sheen to her stockings. But the expression on her face, what is that? That's disdain. I know that face, I use it all the time. Course, this is a cover and usually doesn't mean jack.



In the game, Maximilian is a pansy-ass piece of bishie shit. Selvaria is a ruthless and obsessed with our good Prince. Note: the story and characters in Valkyria Chronicles are fun and serviceable. Best game of last year? To me it was. Best script of last year? Fuck no. That goes to Persona 4. Anyways, it really doesn't matter if Selvaria's a bitch to Maximilian because she's obviously the most devastating tool of war in the entire game. Why did the Imps lose the war? Because Maximilian had no idea how to use his people and could not discipline his men into not running away when a single scout captures their base. P-FOREST here presents Max as some sort of cocky motherfucker, who knows exactly what Selvaria wants. Selvaria, being a Japanese "creation", makes one assume, "Oh, it's going to take a while before she finally admits she wants his cock." Look at THIS face, compared to the cover. Is this a confident warrior maiden of the battlefield? No. The sfx next to her is "flinch". Great, another shame-filled sexfest. Nothing in the script was really changed for this page. Let's see the next.



Selvaria locks the fucking door and just says, "No one's around." Max knows what's going to go down; he's just sitting there, chillaxing, so I can only assume this is not the first time something like this happened. He's all being coy but Selvaria, she's already taking off her clothes. Her next lines, from "I beg you" to "I ask for your penis" are unchanged from ak's script. I didn't even have to change anything; she knew what SHE wanted too.



If you haven't figured out by now, the "sex sfx" doesn't actually matter to us; it could all be "ah" but whoever's typesetting just reaches into our sex sfx vault (yeah, it's real...seriously) and paces the sfx out. Here, Selvaria's just moaning and shit.......but look at her face. She is fucking happy. Hence the "happy sex" tag we used. I know, it's a stereotype that all hentai is endless loli rape, but I've seen ones that are technically happy sex yet the girl's either crying or has a face of over-the-top pleasure. Selvaria just looks like she's enjoying yourself. Good show, P-FOREST.



Ah crap, looks like I have to take some of that back. Max just did the whole "oh, you should be ashamed of yourself" thing. Will this be the end of my pro-sexual-Selvaria? No script changes either.



And the shame continues. "Sorry", "Not right", "etc" with Max still talking. Although Max had the dominant position from the beginning, he's clearly in control by this point since he's smiling and Selvaria's got that face of instant shock and pleasure. From what I've learned after working on all that porn, that can be the first penetration or the second phase where the fucking gets intensified. There was one change I want to point out here: ak has "Your Highness' hot thing is inside me"...I have "Your Grace's hot dick is inside me". Again, this goes with the shame deal. Fuck that, Selvaria's plenty capable of saying "dick". She already said "penis", she's not changing it to "thing" now.



Ok, rubbing against the desk, that's usual. Nothing was changed here. That's right, NOTHING WAS CHANGED......and Selvaria still cries out, "Do it inside." But does Max do it? Doesn't look like it. Do it inside? What the fuck? Does she WANT a bun in the oven?



Yeah, she fucking does. Max realizes this too. And since he is SO bent on this war of his, he's willing to give her his royal bloodline. Here's Max's lines from ak's original script:

"What’s this, Selvaria? You, a Valkyrian. You, my child, what you desire… If that’s the case then win me this war. For the Empire…for my sake! I’ll give it up to you, Selvaria. Ten times, a hundred times, my semen will be yours."

Here's mine:

"Selvaria, what's this? So that is what you desire? My Valkyrur... If that's the case...win me this war! For the Empire...for my sake! ...and I'll give it up to you, Selvaria...ten times, a thousand times...my seed will be yours!"

And Sevlaria's response: "Then please leave it to me...Prince Maximilian, Your Grace." The 'then' was added by me. And there, the end.

This last page pretty much shows my entire agenda. I didn't have to change much; P-FOREST already took care of a lot of it for me by using just the right images. Is Selvaria a shame-filled cunt in the last frame? Hell no, she's got a motherfucking devious look. Her expression is clear, she's smiling, AND there's that shady tone people often use to signify some sort of sneakiness. What the fuck does Max have? Just his dick and Selvaria's ideal image of him. He can't brush her off now. Think about it: Selvaria was born some sort of lowly experiment, saved by a Prince. She becomes a badass beauty on the battlefield, capable of leveling armies on her own. And now, she's going to be at future Emperor Maximilian's side and be the mother to the Imperial heir. That's my prediction on Valkyria Chronicles alternate history.

"Prophet," Peking Duck says, "Do you REALLY think that people are going to get that?" Sadly no. Most people aren't going to get it unless it's totally blatant like in Ouverture. And even then, all this is just used for masturbation material. Now, I will say that P-FOREST probably was aiming for that assertive Selvaria, so with their images and my adjustments to the script, I'm HOPING that more people got that impression of Selvaria than what we give them credit for. Speaking of credits, I may as well include it.



This is how I ended up vetoing for the "Selvaria x Maximilian" concept, not the other way around. Does this go against my own personal hatred against non-canon fan-fantasy pairings? Pat thinks it does, but I disagree. Selvaria and Max's relationship was always simple to me. The ONLY power Max has over her is love. And that's a fucking damning power. Whoever loves least, right? That's it. However, that takes only "love" into consideration. Love isn't just "love"; that's bullshit. There's always more "wants". Max probably doesn't "love" Selvaria; but he wants and needs her to do ANYTHING. Selvaria just needs "love"...but there is so much more she can take from him. Naturally, we'll never know what she can take. So this works as canon fan-fantasy. If it was something like "Selvaria orders her shocktroopers to gangrape Faldio until she finally gores his ass with her charged up lance" then I have no argument on that. But this is Selvaria and Maximilian, at the beginning of the Gallian campaign, subtlety playing with the idea of control.

At first I was also going to use this rant to get into faithfulness to scripts......but fuck that, I wrote way too much already. I'll save it for another time.

Author:
prettyprophet is a hot-tempered hellion who scans, proofreads, edits, and does public relations for the Rabbits but won't fund it at all out of stubborn principle. When not being harried by the scanlation scene, she gets involved with other scenes, harrying herself even further.

Rabbit Roundtable: Valkyria Profile ~ On the DLC Front

VALKYRIA DLC ATTACKS.

prettyprophet: It fucking rocks. If you have Valkyria, get it. If you don't, get a PS3, get Valkyria, then download it.

nde: They should probably beat it first.

prettyprophet: Yeah, probably. So I've got a final tomorrow...fuck that, I played Selvaria's AND Edy's DLC. They're both awesome. I know, $5, that's a little steep...but it's Valkyria. And if this encourages Sega to make more (SKIES OF MOTHERFUCKING ARCADIA), I'm gonna toss 'em bones. SHUT IT YOU CUNTS, I did study, I'll be fine, SHUT IT FUNNY, KEEP CLEANING ACONY, YOU'RE DONE, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY EXCUSES.

nde: I bought the Edy Detachment DLC. Prophet bought Selvaria's.

prettyprophet: I was iffy on Edy since it's only one map compared to Selvaria's...maps. I don't want to spoil anything, so whatever. Anyways, nde wanted to chip in on VC stuff since I was the one who paid for the whole game; I was going to buy Selvaria regardless. You get a MG if you A-rank all of her's...nothing if you A-rank Edy.

nde: For Edy, different endings for different ranks.

prettyprophet: Technically both DLC's are fanservice filled...but Edy's is total fanservice. I'm not talking upskirt shit; just clean fun. So if you like Edy (minor spoilers), Homer, Lynn, Susie, Jann, and Marina, you'll love this DLC. Homer and Marina. They're great. Jann? Japanese makeup-wearing bears? Little too obvious.

nde: Homer has subtlety, then?

prettyprophet: Hold up, I can't believe we haven't talked about this yet: Rabbits in Valkyria, who would we be? Actually fuck that, we could just be ourselves.

nde: No, Lavie talked about this.

prettyprophet: When the hell was that?

nde: Some time ago.



prettyprophet: We need to get Funny to draw some shit. Too bad it'll suck. [funny edit: nonsense, IT'LL BE FANTASTIC. I can be Hans!]

nde: He's busy working on this thing.

prettyprophet: Usagiten?

nde: This other thing.

prettyprophet: Oh god. Ok, let's talk about the Edy scenario itself. Basically your squad of six is on its own and you have to defend a town. Simple as that.

nde: If any enemy enters your base area, you lose.

prettyprophet: No retreat, no redeploy, no medics, no orders. Just what you got.

nde: I think default equipment and levels are transferred over from the main game.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I think so too, since I tried to give Lynn the badass machinegun but it didn't work. What we mean by default is whatever your levels are as of playing the DLC. Like, we'd cleared the game twice over, so we're maxed out...Edy's DLC wasn't as challenging as it may be for others thanks to that. Then again, I watched nde B-rank it first, so I figured out how to A-rank on my turn.

nde: As for Selvaria's...

prettyprophet: I used a guide for the second map. I was like, "Fuck, I'll just A-rank it first, get the machinegun."

nde: Somewhat somber. Melancholy.

prettyprophet: Hey, not with that one scene. Huh, wink, nudge?

nde: Hm?

prettyprophet: Don't tell me you missed that.

nde: Missed what?



prettyprophet: I'll show you later. If you're a Selvaria fan, download this. I kinda am; the whole "oh I love you Max but I know you're just using me" is meh but fuck that, she's awesome. Really wish her boobs weren't designed for horndogs. And for our readers, nde just gave me one of his "you-have-no-idea-what-the-fuck-I'm-thinking" looks because he thinks I'm about to go off on Valkyria's female character designs. I'm not. They're very fucking impractical. That's all I'm gonna say. That's all I have to say. Kid, shut the fuck up.

nde: I haven't played "Behind Her Blue Flames" yet. I watched.

prettyprophet: Think you'll A-rank?

nde: Maybe. Usually the easiest. But tactically unsound.

prettyprophet: And how. So that's nde and Prophet, giving you impressions on two of Valkyria Chronicles's DLC packs: "Enter the Edy Detachment" and "Behind Her Blue Flames". Didn't get the Hard-EX mode because we haven't even touched the hard skirmishes yet. I guess I'll get to that after I finish Absence of Justice.

nde: Maybe when it drops in price.

prettyprophet: They cost $5 a pack. Selvaria's is definitely worth it since it's more than one map and gives you a gun and further characterization...Hard-EX (or Hard-SEX as Funny loves to call it) we don't know about, maybe Funny or Pat bought it [funny edit: NAW SON......Pat's not getting it either because she suxxx at Valkyria! SUCKS FALDIO'S PENIS!] but since it changes up your tactics completely and gives you new weapons to use, it's got the most literal bang for your buck...and Edy, get only if you like those soldiers involved. Otherwise, pray that Sega decides to make more DLC with people you DO like.

nde: That probably depends on how many people buy the DLC though. Sadly.

prettyprophet: What are you complaining about? You got Susie and Marina. Don't try to hide your lust.

nde: Homer?

prettyprophet: I'd do him. But that'd be statutory rape. And he'd love it. Seriously though, Aika and Vyse. Let's get those Skies of Arcadia kids in and maybe Sega'll give us more rocked out RPGs like Nintendo did with Fire Emblem (even though I hate Roy, Marth, and Ike).

nde: I'm going to sleep.

prettyprophet: And I'M going to listen to Olivia's latest single, "Sailing Free", play more Valkyria, and whip Funny into cleaning.

nde: I think he's playing VC as well.

prettyprophet: Vietcong, The Other Side, Love Love Love, close your eyes, we're all under the same sky, you have me, whoever you are, I...love you...

nde: Not studying anymore?

prettyprophet: Hush.


Images from some MU link of the preorder artbook. Hey, send us Valkyria doujinshi. Seriously.